If your username would predict the way you die, how will it happen?

I don't think I wanna know

Ceasefire Violation?

He died doing what he loved!

Starving, because I couldn't remember where I hid my nuts.

It finally caught up to me

The fucking Russians, of course.

Oh god

Morti means "of death" in Latin. I guess I'm going to die of death...

Silently hunted down by a mysterious lone wolf.

The US actually does invade, and I die in some kind of defensive gambit where they take more casualties than us.

Unfortunately, that's a vibe killer now, because it doesn't feel totally impossible and we still like each other. Sorry.

I'm not sure I want to know...

Either heart goes out during orgy, or torn to shreds by an uprising

You wouldn't understand

Tree

Inviting my Farmville girlfriend over.

It's fairly self explanatory

Guess I run into traffic, yelling and waving at the taxi that just deliberately passed me by. Then I get hit by a truck.

I'm going to go down with my ship, bellowing orders to my crew until the last.

lol idk

Raptured by the One True Dog

Happily.

Jesus Christ, that'll be gruesome...

Lots of beans

Whatever it is, it's going to be the subject of several YouTube documentaries.

🤨

A detective stands over my lifeless body, Detective Salvitore is panting for air, desperate to catch up to her partner and mount the hill. She reaches the crest covered in sweat, vision blurring but enthused at the grim sight before Detective Glassgow.

Salvitore fumbles for her radio, wheezing a shaky "We... we... I... found-" before Glassgow cuts her off.

"Save it Sal, I already told them we found the vegan."

Furiously stroking my willy.

Wrong place wrong time during a controlled demolition

First I am. And then...

I'm not.

Sleeping with the fishes

I guess I'm not growing old

Boiled alive

Something the Scooby gang could have prevented.

I’ll never know. I blinked.

Whelp...

I dont want to think about it

By Japanese sword thrust

Derogatory slur

Mine's pretty open-ended.

I'm going to go with gassing in a concentration camp for opposing the fascists.

History repeats itself.

Bludgeoned to death with a keyboard?

Uhhhh.

I'm already gone...

I'll leave it to you, reader, to guess the "where" it is cast

With a bang

A remake of Alien but with a meerkat

Idk, i wouldn't see it coming

Meh…

Painfully, I'd assume

Self Explanatory actually.

Nihilistic fruit

Ouch...

Tree fall maybe?

Error caused by an invalid pointer

Drive errors would pile up on critical systems because they didn't filesystem check themselves before they filesystem wrecked themselves

Jaywalking.

Yes, please. 52 years old, and dying after one super night.

Too many pineapples

exit 0

Bridge collapse

Asphyxiation

In an accident.

Chuckles... I'm in trouble

At least I would know what was coming, three would come before me.

Hey, somebody left some perfectly good Swiss on this block of wood. How convenient, don’t mind if I d….*

Well... I can tell you who didn't do it.

Dunno

I probably say something
\ And it gets me in trouble

Edit:
\ Hahaha I actually forgot my username and thought I was using one that I use elsewhere, but this still applies exactly the same 🤣😭

Thor dropping a mountain on my head.

It will be a hell of a party!

Burned at the stake, hanged, crushed, or drowned. Plenty of options.

hmmm...

I've seen Monty Python before.

I don't think its widely used anymore

Well, I'd guess I'd go out the way I'd always knew I would; mauled while getting blown by a bear 🤤

My character makes a sandwich. I reach for the peanut butter...

I choke to death while alone, try to self heimlich and fail. My body is found half eaten by my cats with my cold, dead hand still clutching the offending cheese toastie.

Alcoholism.

Not sure how I die, but I guess I’m coming back to life after …

Mine unlocks the cheat codes from Jedi knight 2. So probably dismembered by jedi or sith spawns

And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, 'O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy.' And the Lord did grin. And the people did feast upon the lambs, and sloths, and carp, and anchovies, and orangutans, and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats, and large chulapas...

Too many to count.

Too much taco bell

In a squeezer

Chopped into several large pieces. But it will be awesome.

A very large child does something in such a way that I would die.

Strangled by my hoodie?

Death by snu snu? Not really how I wanted to go -- unless it kills both of us.

I am very satisfied with this outcome

In some sketchy den with a khajiit

SUPPLIES!

Or being thrown out of a second story window during karate lessons.

High stakes dance off. I never stood a chance against the wiley crustacean

Very painfully

I think I'm probably going to die in a gutter somewhere

Sounds unpleasant.

Gluttony

Having a heart attack at an AC/DC concert.

Walking through the park with a bauggette

A Japanese Math Rock band murders me

No idea

Oh, no, Timmy fell down the well again!

Mind control cereal

Like mathematician August Ferdinand Möbius, at 77, in Leipzig?

Impressively.

Just broke.

In front of my PC without anyone noticing until days later

Death by snusnu

Mauled, eaten or crushed to death

... or cuteness overload

I dont't know lulz

A daring suicide rescue mission where I manually hold the button on some space nuke to save the day.

An undercover Corgi mission.

I am just going outside and may be some time...

Flayed alive, I guess. Could be worse.

oh noo im gonna die because i use arch

Mine is pretty obvious.

Well I'm named for a fictional character I wrote about. so presumably she comes to life and for some reason tries to kill me

Cat.

It wouldn't.

I just hope I'm on the receiving end.

Some catty wampas, likely.

quickly

Obesity, and bounciness.

By a spear, then repawn after 3 days

Oh this is an easy one

A stylish infinite combo from Meikyousisui MvC2 Vol. 10 that only works on me.

....that last step will be a doozy.

Well shit.

Hmmmmmmmmm

In the middle of the night with nary a sound to be heard.

Very quickly but likely quite painful

No idea

Decomposing at old age in some field snd then a tree grows out of me

Guess I'm a very tasty bug.

I'm not sure of the details but hazmat will be involved and it'll probably make the news.

Can't say that I know, but I shall be avenged.

Some kind of ancient forest spirit emerges from the woods, consumes my soul and leaves my body in a coma before fading back into the trees without a trace.

i guess the deal goes wrong and i dont make it

Death by simulation crashing.

Or if going by the actual username and not the display name: Death By Air Conditioner Crashing On My Head Beacause I'm Too Indecisive To Choose Anything

I’ll donate so much to research I won’t have money to eat?

Someone finally writes my name in that death note.

Death by human error... sounds about right.

Brake failure on a mountain road.

In the dark.

Struck by railgun fire.

ah hell, I’m getting shot by a drunk hillbilly aren’t I?

At least I'll get to meet Bigfoot before he kills me.

Died in a rocket accident and quickloads didn't work

Locked in a dumpster in Mexico, I guess

I won't. You can't kill rock and roll!

Depending on what your lemmy app/UI displays, executed either by Paul or Stilgar. One would be brought back though.

I get bit by a werewolf and sentenced for execution due to being a danger to society. For some reason they choose death by drowning and it turns out I cannot drown because I am a vampire. I then actually do not die because I am an undead.

Electrocution helmet? Or something gross from Saw

A space battle with transcendental Borg Spheres.

Adorably.

I guess I'll burn to death and then be revived somehow

beaten to death with a hoe

Either a fight with a massive reptile or lethal attraction to a strong light source, not sure

Hatchet + cannibalism seems likely

I get ackshually'd to death in the comments. 💀

No one can tell... (Well maybe)... But I should have seen it coming.

Stayed up multiple nights in a row and accidently ran into traffic having some kind of psychotic break.

Suicide.

Beans

I have an anarchist child and they kill me in a rebellion.

I'd be so proud.

I'll be killed by a bunch of odd, possibly shapeless movie props.

I'll live to see the cyberpunk era, but will not be happy about it...

Saving the life of an infant/child from some type of shit show.

Someone will give me really deadly advice over a radio and I will just be like "ok, that sounds legit".

Excrubulently.

I will be deleted and no evidence that I ever existed will be found.

Well...

Too much LSD

Alone in my apartment and nobody checks on me for not responding, because I stopped responding long before.

O...oh...

Oxidation.

I probably sleep with king Midas or meet Apollo and he grants me the same wish

A human centipede but made of weasels

I run away from it, but it finally catches up.

The OTHER cat got me.

oh oh... I'm in danger.

I'll live for eternity I guess. Really don't want that tbh

If it's literal, I have a very, very, very long life of space travel ahead of me.

If it's in the Carl Sagan metaphorical 'we are star stuff' sense, then it could literally be anything.

Heart attack while Internet browsing from my favorite location

Eaten by a living supercomputer that thirsts for dimensional conquest

Most would assume chaos, but in reality it would be my guild saying my name wrong enough times that I finally gave up and changed the "I" to an "L".

My nemesis showed up.

Some kind of internet last stand.

Weird ... Is what I'd say

High speed dirt man, high speed dirt.

An epic duel. Maybe somebody loses a hand, idk

Digimon incident. I might cringe if I were alive to care.

Not sure, but someone’s probably going to find me on the 8th hole wrapped in plastic.

Death by giant space hamster.

A sloth, so I'm sure it will be a slow death.

To flick snot, you gotta pick your nose.

Let's just say I delved too geedily and too deep and started brain pickin'.

Ummmm I get smothered maybe? Idk or they rise up in numbers and kill me some other way.

Working in a server system and it falls on me, if there's a afterlife I'll see the name of system was named "zee"

That's a good question...

Napping with a kat?

I guess I'll be rebooted by Mindy until I'm too powerful for the universe... or my windchimes fall off.

Having the time of my life

Someone wants me dead

In a blaze of TexMex

A 60ft wave off Mullaghmore, Ireland

Yokai

Pulverized and set adrift as an interstellar cloud

No doubt, it would be an epic tale.

King Arthur will come with his coconut playing entourage and claim my mortal soul. I should get a white rabbit. or maybe I should avoid it? Who can tell

🤷‍♂️

https://youtu.be/0Wf5nFbA_YM

I cant die because some asshole cup threw me off a cliff and turned me into a Hylander.

Well, my username is because I got tired of a website only allowing you to set opening all links in new tabs if you had an account, so it might be hard to die by internet tab. I also religiously close tabs as soon as I'm done, so I never have that many open. If we can loosen the rules: drowns by bad genie wish in tab cola.

So many ways...

Beheaded by the monarch of shitty vehicles.

I am hereby consigned and sentenced to death by royal order of his majesty Dominus Thrax, hero of all.

I really shouldn't be such a contrarian, especially when it comes to faustian deals with magical deep space clones...

Killed by giant snake.

by having a magic spell cast on me I guess

Mashing Keys

I literally have no idea.

I think I get run over by self driving Tesla.

Taking a stroll past the knife factory.

An arc of electricity in a pitch black room.

After the last and final of many disappearances, rumours grow of a man named Anonymous. No one met him in person, but everyone knew who he was. Over time the stories are embellished and exaggerated, eventually becoming a shorthand for the very concept of anonymity

Jurassic park comes true - so worth it, at least for the others.

mildly, nothing extreme

Dangling a jeep over a cliff while escaping a Mormon bishop.

Snakebite

Something Volcano related, possibly involving a ring and a couple of short men. One of whom is a goddamn hero.

Likely it would be from a lethal dose of radiation I would endure while fixing a warp drive that was desperately needed.

Demise details unclear, but I'm excited to find out! May require a safe word lol

I came close with the undertow a few times. I wouldn’t be mad. There’s worse ways to go.

Or maybe a surfing ninja will take me out. Which is a cool as hell way to die.

Very delicious and spicy as intended.

Doxxed by H3?

All the pressure built up from the escalating screams echoing inside my skull will make my head explode in a spectacular and messy fashion.

I am commanded…. by the clits 😟

Hmmm. I dunno.

Probably painfully

OD'ing on cold/flu medication

Fighting a bear for its ass in elwynn forest.

It would be whelming. Just so.

I’m not sure, but I’d die happy.

Ocean

Just ducks!

Shamefully.

Suddenly and all over the place

I die in a four way sesh-to-the-death match between snoop dog, cheech, Ricky from TBP and myself.

The Olive Garden waiter never heard the cue to stop so I suffocate on the fine powdery goodness

I guess a NY rat

Awkwardly, and involving a turtle

I get murder suicided

Knowing my luck, probably cancer.

anonymously

I guess at 2:13 in the morning/night.

Not at all I guess?

Cold weather exposure probably.

Get way to high and get wrapped up in an international conspiracy

A horrible accident involving a pair of eyeglasses.

Choked to death by the Canadian Prime Minister.

His name is Candy and he has a good shot.

Hmm. That's a sad way to go.

Suicide.

By becoming a libertarian techno-warlord who dies when my company owned city state invades the nation of disney.

Some of you may die, but that's a price I'm willing to pay.

Jubilation T. Cornpone is the name of a Confederate general from an old comic strip called Lil' Abner. In the story line, he's kind of like a local "hero" who was famous for his incompetence.

So, my death will most likely be from some outlandish yet predictable, self-inflicted blunder. Like Wyle E. Coyote sawing through the edge of the cliff he happens to be standing on.

it was the sweet tooth in the end

My descendent will be turned into a terminator by the out of control AI death robots sent to kill the generations long Canadian insurgency in order to come back in time and take me and my family out.

Err.. I don't even know how to understand that. Eaten by kraken?

Too much acid. I ascend out of my body and never come back.

No one would see it, but they may hear it.

One too many dabs

Genetic engineering gone wrong

Something involving a large sheep dog.

Not sure how but I will be underground, nostalgic and depressed when I do.

Saving the world a lot.

I have a heart attack after getting pissed off, at some sort of station.

Details of demise unclear but I'm excited to find out, may need a safe word lol

probably something cult related I guess

In a last stand against racist aliens who want to destroy mankind

I guess I'll explode

Killed by a Pictish tribe in scotland

I die from too much excitement while playing Bonestorm?

The opposite of "in hiding". State religious authorities catching wind of my apostasy, and bringing me before a "religious rehab" judge. Judge delivers his sentence on me, in accordance with his religious rules. My community loses another apostate, and other like-minded individuals secretly turtle-up even further.

But hey, perks of being an apostate is having fun and leading a content life in the digital universe. So, I'm happy living in new homes that serve as permanent alternative spaces to Meta and others.

Something not safe for work, and probably not safe at all.

On an intelligent journey.

Either burned to death or covered in cum. I'm not sure which i prefer

I guess I spontaneously turn into manure?

I'd piss off the wrong person with an excess of style with ease

I catch a Solarbeam to the face!

Suicide I guess.

Slashed to ribbons by freshly escaped crazed Wolverine.

Sailing. I guess an accident

Damn. I thought my name meant I would shepherd in the apocalypse