What do I give my bad dad for father's day?
What do I give my bad dad for father's day?
So. Without trauma dumping, I'll simply say my dad is a bad dad. What's a father's day gift that says "you're dead to me, but I'm still doing things to keep drama at bay"?
Nothing. Literally nothing. Bad gifts are for annoying close friends, any amount of effort put into a gift for your father would imply that you care what he thinks.
same thing I always give: no contact
it's more of a treat for myself, really. fuck him
That's the goal. There's some drama right now that makes that really hard, but within a couple years that's where we're headed.
best of luck. it's not easy, but it's worth it.
there comes a point where you realize you haven't thought about them in months and it's delightful. Hang in there!
Off-brand scented candle set.
It says I don’t know you at all, but here’s your present.
Ooh I like this. Especially since he hates strong smells.
Get something like Bergamont; something so few people actually genuinely like, but smells fancy with a quick whiff. Boring and unexpressive after 30 seconds.
Alternatively, try something like cupcakes or vanilla icing. The kind of candle that would give you a headache.
It’s also practical because the gift is cheap without looking cheap.
I’m sorry to say that I’m speaking from personal experience.
Low value gift card from a local dinner place. So he has to go there to use it and then it's only like 10 dollars and he has to fork over the rest.
This.
Nothing says "I have fulfilled my social obligation, but I don't give a shit about you" more than a low value giftcard for somewhere generic.
Alternatively, give him a halfway decent gift and feel better about yourself for not continuing the cycle of neglect, even when he won't appreciate it. We can make the world better, even for those of us that don't deserve it, and considering how to make it a better place as opposed to how to get back at the people who make it a worse one is just a better use of our time and energy.
Besides, at the end of the day, truly awful people already live with the worst punishment so could imagine: having to wake up every morning and continue being themselves.
This is exactly the opposite of doing things to keep the drama at bay. Just throw it in the fire, forget about it, move on. No gift. No contact.
you're dead to me, but I'm still doing things to keep drama at bay
To me it sounds like you're looking for drama
This
You go no contact.
The end.
Give him nothing
Can confirm, have a bad dad, father's day passes by without a word every year. That's a long term message. Last few years I didn't even realize it was father's day. If I got him anything it would mean I'm thinking about him
This is the way.
That's what I've been getting my dad. Haven't heard any complaints from him in years.
A mug that says "Worst Sperm Donor" with an unactivated or emptied gift card to his favorite store.
Nice
A short text the day after Father's Day. Then you did send something, it just wasn't timely or appreciative.
That said, I generally send my shitty dad a text on the actual day. It usually just says, "Happy Father's Day, have a good one." Last year I forgot to send one and then, when I remembered, chose not to.
TL;DR: do as much or as little as you want.
Sixpack of beer? (Optionally alcohol-free, if his bad behavior is related to alcohol abuse.)
That would be especially funny because he's Mormon, and he's very upset I'm not.
A "Moroni is full of bologna" T-shirt?
Copy of the south park episode on Mormons?
Completely ignoring him for the rest of your life as you find joy in not remembering he exists. The best present.
I don't want to get too deep into your business but just to understand better what you're trying to communicate.... Please tell me if I get this right: there's current (not past) drama in your family and you think that not acknowledging father's day at all would feed into that drama (maybe your dad's reaction would be "see, you're all against me" and he'd play the victim or something like that) . On the other hand you also don't want to pretend everything is right with your father. So you want something to communicate "I don't want to be against you, but I certainly am not on your side either; I just want to be left alone and talk to you the strictly necessary amount of times". Is that it?
If that's the case, yes, the standard-est, humorless "happy father's day" card you can find, with nothing but your signature in it should convey that message pretty well. If you can't find anything, just a white one with a handwritten "happy father's day, [your name]" would do.
Yeah, that pretty much sums it up. I'm trying to stay close to my mom, and she's desperately trying to hold the family together, so if I don't do anything, he would play the victim and use my mom's hurt feelings against me. So I'm most likely going to just do something very generic, like you said.
You're in a situation you don't deserve, but you are trying not to make it worse for your mom. I think you rock! I wish you all the best
What's his issue? Give him something tangential.
Big drinker? Cheapest bottle opener or a nip of his favorite sauce.
Angry asshole? Get him a therapy ball.
The biggest thing my condescending asshole stepdad taught me was "Kill them with kindness". If you're kind in a backhanded way, it'll piss them off and you can feign innocence.
Personally I'd give him a box of dogshit
Or try to be more of an integrated whole instead of a human-shaped piece of shit, and use weapons as weapons, and kindness as kindness.
Ugly socks?
Honestly that's kind of what I'm thinking. Then he has to store them, and he'd feel like he had to wear them at least once. Just a little upsetting for him.
The cheapest card you can find with and leave the price sticker on.
Price sticker had me amused - I never thought of that!
Another suggestion is to buy a card in a different language. Or if it says Mother’s Day where you don’t even bother replacing “Mother” with “Father”, but that might be a bit too intentionally mean so I would only send this depending on what kind of relationship and trauma that OP has.
What about a difficult plant to maintain? Maybe a cactus or something? So he has to make an effort keep it alive, or slowly watch it die, like the relationship he has with you
Hm... getting him more work, I love it.
But then the plant would die :(
A mimosa is excellent for this purpose. And it's pretty too.
A plain white gift card with the following text maybe?
Hello father,
today is Father's Day. As your son I am expected to send you a gift card at least.
This is the gift card.
[Your first and last name]
If you're REALLY sure that ignoring the day would open the floodgates for retaliation, I'd text him or give a generic card. If he's just gonna be angry and bitch at you, let him be angry and block his number.
If you're currently in an abusive situation and possibly in harms way I think this might be beyond Lemmy's paygrade, since we don't know what sets him off. But it's OK to play nice for the short term if it keeps you safe long enough to escape.
Some kind of random stuff from the drug store or discount store. Just a "I put minimal expense and effort into getting this."
A mug, but the handle is too small to be comfortable
Drugs from the darknet delivered anonymously.
A blank card.
Best thing though is what others said, nothing.
That sounds like a great gift though.
Why bother at all? Just ignore him
A sample set of cheap shower gel.
Partially used, or missing one item out of the set.
And if you really want to drive it home, make sure he knows you kept the one item to use yourself.
If you want to give a gift that's simultaneously very thoughtful AND a very shitty gift: buy him a pair of knee pads. Refuse to elaborate on why you bought them.
Is it wrong to save your money and get nothing? Maybe a card with just your name?
I totally would but he'd throw a whole fit lol. Maybe for his birthday in a few months...
My MIL once gave me her old bathrobe as a Christmas gift. Don't think you can say how little you think of someone in gift form better than that. Yes I am serious. So I bought her a 10 dollar coffee gift pack and left the price tag on the next year.
The most boring father's day greeting card you can find and a fiver.
Edit: actually, don't spend the money on him, send him an electronic greeting card, equally boring, and donate, in his name, to a charity he'd hate.
It would be beautiful to donate to the local pride center in his name and just watch him seethe. That's such a perfect idea, since if he actually voices a complaint, he knows it makes him the asshole.
I saw you mentioned mornonism in a separate comment, if it's in Utah, that makes it even better.
A gift card with just a few cents left on it.
Dead fish 🐟
Any of these passive aggressive comments and in addition something for yourself. Because you deserve it.
Give him a very basic and cheap toolkit you know he already has. Firstly, he already has those tools and secondly he assumes you doubt his ability due to the cheapness of the tools. Like giving a Michelin chef a dollar store copper knife, they'd assume you think they can't cook.
Something like a 2 pack of a Phillips and flathead screwdriver. So common even non DIY people always have them, and so cheap that they are useless.
Kind of hard to explain but hopefully that gets the pount across.
Holiday postcard from a place he doesn't like saying
Wish you were
herethereHell, Michigan lol
"Wish you were here; wish I wasn't."
A “World’s Okayest Dad” mug.
Alternatively, a certificate for a free vasectomy.
"World's Best Dad" mug with the word "Best" crossed out?
My wife suggested "number one sad" with a card explaining that he was, in fact, my first dad lol
A "best dad" mug, but you cross out the "best"
Permanently Deleted
I recommend ghosting.
If he asks you about it, re-ghost him (oh I forgot? Anyways...).
I didn't think Father's Day gifts were that much of a standard thing. Most I've ever done is a text and maybe taking him to dinner or golfing.
So a "happy father's day" card if you need to get something
A fathers day card from the dollar store. Include a gift card from the same dollar store. Put no money on the gift card.
Even better, buy a gift card for slightly more than the cost of the father's day card. Use the gift card to buy the card so the remaining value is an odd number so it's obviously used.
Something nice, that he likes.
Anything else and you are definitely not trying to keep the drama at bay.
Football merch in his least favorite team.
Hey that would be easy, he hates football!
Buffalo Bills it is!
Socks 💯💯
The same tie you gave him last year.