Is it pathetic to be a 28 year old male virgin?

When I lost my virginity I realized that actually I was pathetic for other reasons the whole time

based

No, there's nothing inherently pathetic about "virginity" (which is a sus concept). No one's worth is determined by their sex life, whatever it is. It can certainly make someone feel pathetic to not get the connection with other people they're looking for, though, and I'm sorry if that's what you're dealing with.

I'm pretty sure this is just

Thanks, this helped me. I wish, other people stopped making fun of virgins too.
also making fun of male virginity (I don't think this is as much of an issue for women I could be wrong of course) is very linked with the attitude that "sex at any cost with no concern for who your partner is" is an expected way to behave from men which is very linked to incel ideas and rape culture.
These are not good cultural ideas and we shouldn't be peddling them. Also its literally no one elses business what people do with their private sex lives

no, it's not. obsessing over it is though.

don't worry, when you turn 32 and are married, you won't be having sex anymore either

ahyuck hyuck

Damn, boomer humor lol!
At the risk of extrapolating too much from personal experiences, a married 32 year old who doesn’t fuck their spouse anymore may want to consider a second puberty. It does wonders.

Ok but once I get up to Heaven I'm asking God why He put it in such a gross place
- 😔
- well, he sent you three boats (enema kits, psyllium husks, poppers)

nah, sex is just ok tbh, even when i have sex with my sex god it isnt like, life changing. healthy relationships have plenty of solo time. if you feel pressured to have sex, remember that that is society being very creepy.

cuddles are better

even when I have sex with my sex god
I strive to live a life like this
cuddles are fuckin awesome
if you feel pressured to have sex, remember that that is society being very creepy.
#justShinzoAbeThings

No, but basing your self esteem around how much sex you've had is a harmful social default

Who is RooshV?
Similar experience. I realized quickly that (for me) sex wasn't really that great, and that the only actually good thing about losing my virginity was getting rid of my anxiety about it. It was completely a net negative vs if I had just never given a shit about it from the start.

No. It's statistically unusual. It may be the result of difficulty socializing. But it's not in itself pathetic. If that's something you want to change, there are ways to go about it. It's certainly not easy to subject yourself to the horror of intimacy, but I think facing that difficulty head on with clear vision instead of pretending that it's actually easy and there's something inherently wrong with you is a good place to start.

Facing it how?

Sex is kinda overrated, or at least put on this stupid pedestal above other things. Easy to say if you've had sex though I suppose?

It's far from pathetic to have not had sex though tbh. Equally, don't place too much/any value in virginity or abstinence either, but like, ehh?

tldr no it's not pathetic, but worrying too much over it might be at a certain point

I would say it's not so much overrated as it is that most people don't read theory and don't spend enough time practicing to develop mastery. Sex is like any other skill - you need lots of practice and experimentation to get really good at it. You've got to read theory and keep up with the current literature. You've got to consult with experts who are bringing forth new innovations.
In my experience most people are just kind of there and have never really put any thought in to getting good at sex, and that leads to a lot of mediocre sex.

Nah, shit happens when it happens. It's bad for your mental health to pin your worth to something that requires another person's participation, because you wind up getting down on yourself for other people's actions that you can't control. Instead, if it's important to you that you try, then continuing to try should be the goal.

No.

What you have done or not done with your dick does not matter.

AMAB and also late 20s bloomer - no, not at all. My first time only solidified my suspicion that I was probably ace, but even so I empathize with the anxiety and self-esteem issues that come with the territory. Not feeling wanted or desired feels bad, and I wouldn't look down on that (unless it's accompanied by reactionary baggage).

Did you listen to that cumtown episode or something?

Virginity is not something to be ashamed at, just don't make it a toxic identity or obsession, as with any form of malicious self-pity, it hurts you and others around you.

Having inadequate experience with romantic relationships does become an issue when you reach that age of late 20s/early 30s, as people do get suspicious or averse to committing themselves to a relationship with people who have not been in a committed relationship by the time they're 30 or older.

Not because of sexual inadequacy but because of a lack of experience with emotional intimacy and emotional reciprocity.

Counterpoint, my current girlfriend (and probably future wife at this point) was a 26 year old virgin when I met her, who at that point had been on maybe three dates and had never been in a relationship. She's by far the most emotionally well-adjusted partner I've had, and the one who has best been able to meet my emotional needs.
Anybody worth being with at all will recognize that a lack of romantic experience in no way precludes one from being a good partner. Only not being a good person can do that.
- It does not make it impossible but proper communication of potentially sensitive topics, conscious reciprocity, and understanding why specifically certain things they do make you feel a certain way are all practiced talents. Some people are naturals at all sorts of things and are good at it by default, but if you're trying to figure out if you want to date somebody or not, it's as good of an indicator as any. Lastly, you can absolutely be a good person and a bad romantic partner. People aren't primarily attracted to virtue, and virtue does not make you good at communication.
Ah well, guess I'm permanently damaged goods now.
This comment made me feel worse and more worried now.

It's pathetic you're posting about this and not about which Final Fantasies are the good ones and which are the bad ones.

playing any final fantasy game
ever
lmoa
8 is good and I will die on this hill
- I've only played 1-6 (gba was my life in high school band), is 8 worth emulating? I tried 7 and just found it quite boring, at least on the big screen. My fave was IV with a soft spot for VI
vii and x-2 are the only good final fantasies cmv
- counterpoint: tactics exists
I will only play 14 and 16

It just means you're taking things at your own pace.

Sex isn't transformational

Don't get too hung up on it but don't go advertising it either. The right person won't care anyway, and will make you feel comfortable enough that you can be honest.

No. Next question.

I had sex at 14 and it certainly didn't make me cooler. Probably a net negative tbh

i lost my virginity to 21 year old libertarian at 17 because i was afraid of being an ANY later than the national average. my brain is a bit broken now. yes he did think age of consent laws were tyranny how did you know?
- Sorry that happened to you. My experience wasn't coercive thankfully but it still made sex so uninteresting to me after a few years

Absolutely not, sex and sexuality is complicated and hard for a lot of us. It has no weight on your value as the wonderful person I’m sure you are

Hard no. You know what is pathetic? Dudes trying to hook up with everything that moves in order to ameliorate their fragile egos. You're a positively a chad dude and I'd be proud to list you as a friend.

It's odd and loneliness is a cause for concern whatever your past history, but I think it's absurd to consider it "pathetic".

Making it your self-identity definitely is, though

nope!

Nah. And lots of people are having sex later and later in life these days for a variety of reasons (mostly economic problems and social alienation but still). And regardless, sex isn't a defining life altering event for most people.

No dude, no don't worry about it

Nope. Sometimes it takes a while to find a person or situation in which you're comfortable.

absolutely not

No

Nah

No. Just be who you are, genuinely, and interact in spaces where people accept you for who you genuinely are. Beyond that it'll happen. That's it basically. That's easier said than done but that's the trick. Be you in spaces that are comfortable for you and comfortable with you.

No, a bit cringe to care about it at all tbh, but it’s not your fault you were made to feel/think this way about it

Nope

No, society's expectations are designed to make us feel bad. If you didn't feel pathetic for this it would be something else. The feeling of being pathetic is the feeling of exploitation and oppression.

I have friends who, if they ever had sex, noone knows about it. And they're doing great.

I used to be really promiscuous and honestly there's nothing to it. People who wanna fuck are gonna find people who wanna fuck, and fuck. All different people, doesn't matter what they look like or act like. That doesn't make me happy. Maybe it makes some people happy, but if it does, I haven't seen it.

Every time I got into a sexual relationship it was like 6 months of obsessing, and then 3 months to get over it once it was over. I could have saved myself the pain and saved the money I spent on bar tabs, read books, hung out with friends, or even just smoked a mountain of weed and passed out. Any and all of those options would have been much better than going out 5-6 nights per week. That was pathetic.

There's all different kinds of people in the world who feel different needs at different intensities. Be yourself and play to your strengths. It will bring more happiness over time than the occasional empty fuck.

Not anti-sex at all, just demonstrating a viewpoint.

Nah bro, and while I'm a firm believer in the fact that women owe us nothing and can do as they please - judging by the men alot of women are with, it might not be such a bad thing you aren't like them.

I'm not a virgin and would say I had a fairly successful sex life for my status/looks/whatever before I was in a relationship for a decade, but the ""market"" forces have certainly changed winds since I was single last. Maybe I'm just getting old, Idk. 😂

Nope.

no

If there's anything life-changing about losing your virginity it's that you stop caring about losing your virginity.

Nope! Just don't be a 28 year old male virgin who is also pathetic. Worrying about it too much would be pathetic.

The first time I had sex I remember thinking that if that was all we were doing and I didn't like the person otherwise, it would have been hard to convince me to do it again instead of going to play Smash Bros with my friends. It almost makes me wonder if I'm ace in some flavor.

It wouldn't be my place to judge you for it. If late 20s virginity were indicative of some interpersonal transgression (woman hater, bad hygiene, abhorrent social skills) then it might be a signpost that points towards something pathetic about you. But if you're someone I like spending time around, then the number of sexual partners you have had is just noise. I don't think you'll ever believe it's not a big deal until you lose your innocence, so it's not like I'm telling you not to endeavor if that's what your motivational calculus is telling you. So if it all falls on deaf ears, it's not like you're going to have a bad time talking to people you find attractive and fuckin. If might just be part of your development.

Nope!

Nah

Nah, similar boat. Having people around - particularly in any intimate capacity - makes me excessively self-conscious.

No, upholding the volcel pledge is based.

I'm asexual and aromantic, so I might be a bit biased though.

Only if you make it apparent.

No but I understand feeling like that.

Lost mine around age 11 with a peer the same age. Most of the time I didn't even count it as real since I was so young. Was one of those sorta foundational parts to realizing I was trans when I wanted to be the girl during it.

I've had some casual hookups over the years with strangers but not had a proper relationship because I'm bad at selling myself. I sorta felt the same way regarding relationships a few years ago that I'm pathetic for not having had one, but then I thought about it, looked at the options there were and sorta just made my peace with it all. I'm not going to wade into dating apps, if I want a relationship one day I'll let it happen, but for now I've found happiness being alone.

No. Honestly, it makes you wonder if this trend of shaming those who have not engaged in intercourse is a ploy to serve the interest of getting working class people trapped in parenthood they didn't want and can't afford.

An obvious side effect of this is being less willing to engage in praxis and take risks, because now you have more to lose. It can, in many cases, serve to de-radicalize leftists.

Absolutely not

Its brutal and loneliness can bring suffering, but its not pathetic. In your opinion, why would it be pathetic?

no, not at all. sex is nice but it's far from the end all be all of life

No, but I wish you wouldn't just call me out like this. 😠

No it's not. Caring about other people being virgins is the pathetic thing.

While not being pathetic it still really sucks. I really hope your situation will change to the better soon.

Of course not. I'm sorry this is how it is for you, I'm not a virgin but I understand not being able to easily find a person to be intimate with, especially when you see your peers having a much easier time with it, it definitely sucks.

As per usual, death to the patriarchy, capitalism and the US. Hope things turn around for you.

No

Nope.

Naw it's fine. Sometimes finding the right person to be intimate with is a challenge. There's a lot of trust involved. Just be a considerate and communicative lover when it finally happens and they'll probably ask for another go round some other night. Fun for everyone!

Nah, but if it bothers you now is a good time to reassess stuff. If you are posting on hexbear you are probably some kind of maladjusted like the rest of us. How you doing? Everything else going okay? You got a social network around you of people you can talk to about stuff? Education and employment going okay? Cause realistically you are about two weeks of going about the internet from getting it sorted if you really want, but is that what you want or is it that you just don't wanna have the pressure over you?