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Programmer Humor @programming.dev

Sjmarf @sh.itjust.works

3d ago

Trolley problem

91 comments

sudo rm train.sh
problem solved 👍

I've played enough X-COM to know that 50/50 is actually 100%, I just don't know which way. Better trigger it!!
- 30%? Let me deliver that shot with crit across the map to your teammate hunkered down behind full cover for you!

why would you wanna kill the programming language commitees.

I'll take the 50/50 because those are some damn good odds!
- those are the best odds i've had in years
  -dr. mann

Well, you can take yourself out of the equation because you're not tied down and can just move after flipping the switch.
chooses bottom track
"C'mon...c'mon!"
trolley heads towards committe members
"Dammit!"
runs over and jumps on the nuclear bomb pressure pad

Option 3 means that the Javascript standards team dies either way, right? Number 3. No hesitation.
- the c++ team is a sacrifice I'm willing to make. can we just shoot Brendan Eich in the head if he's not in there too?
  
  Push him onto the pressure pad. Make it his fault.
  
  I feel like all C++ does these days is badly and very slowly copy other languages. It wouldn't be a huge loss.
  
  C++ is obsolete now that we have Go
- wait nvm I fucked up

Joke's on you I hate myself and my family

Am I also in range of the nuclear bomb, or am I safe? Unclear as the image doesn't specify if it is drawn to scale or not. Also which direction are the tracks currently pointing.

Quickly move the switch while on track, then hope the paths willl be wide enough to stop the trolley.

Bottom tracks, easy
- Worth it

Javascript Standards Team is such an Oxymoron.
- They've done amazing work trying to turn the clusterfuck they started with into a good language
  
  That "trying" is doing the heavy lifting in that sentence.
- Yeah, didn't know there was a standard committee and can't believe how inept they are.

Fuck the metro I guess.

Now how do I get it to drift over everything but teams a and b?
- It'll hit the bomb, so teams a and b will be blasted either way :)
  
  I assumed that the bomb would only kill 4.5 million people but all 8 billion are acceptable too, unless the teams a and b happen to be in the blast radius which seems unlikely. To me the area was only referencing the location of the bomb not the train.

A Mark VI only has a 18 to 160 kiloton yield.
Can we replace it with a B83?

“You and your entire family” means “All life on Earth”.
That should make the decision somewhat easier.
- By my definition, family is who you treat like family.
  
  I try to treat everyone I meet like family
- If you make it "all human live" it starts to look quite attractive again
- I thought seaweed didn't have a common ancestor

Ok so this one just isn't fair.
Two possibilities end up with me dead, two end up with millions dead, and one ends up with me being unemployed.
Sorry not sorry Team A and B, sacrifices must be made.
- Wait, which one leaves you unemployed?
  
  The lack of standards path of course.

I like those odds

I'd take my odds with the bottom track.
- I agree. And if it doesn't fire the missile, I'll go get that and hook it up to my Motorcycle like Raven (Snow Crash)!
  
  poor impulse control

there might be an argument that JavaScript kills more than a nuclear bomb

I think I’ll take my chances with the bomb

There is at least one user here in the superposition of being on two tracks at once.

Which metropolitan area?
- Assuming it is in the US, at 4.5 million it can only be San Francisco/Oakland/Berkeley.
  
  would the bomb also kill javascript and C++ or would I have to keep throwing trolleys at it until I get both silicon valley and the JS/C++ devs?
  
  Oh okay, so option 3 is a win/win

Let's play coin flip!

Am I in the Metropolitan area?
- You are on track A and the bomb is within sight. If you get the shit end of the 50/50, everyone in the diagram would be vaporized instantly
  
  So you're saying there's a 100% chance the comitees get vaporized by choosing the bottom track.
  
  Lmao

Wait, what does the middle track do?
- It's the Republican track
- Same as normal but you chose the status quo rather than having it enforced upon you.

Are we in the blast zone of the nuke?
- Maybe we could use Javascript to direct a simple robot to set the lever while we remain at a safe distance?
  Maybe the real solution to this diagram is to nuke it from orbit.
  
  But the robot has to run windows vista

Middle track. Then I have plenty of time to hotwire the nuke with my handy dandy mallet

I like those odds

deepmind: tr0ll3y m4n r3f3rs t0....

my family is dying and i dont like it, atleast get me on the tracks with them, would not be able to live with the guilt anyway
- Take another look, you're already standing on the top track.
  
  well that gives me some soothe

91 comments