What's something you can't buy ready made, but have to make at home?

Here's something that you can't buy outside of Italy: mozzarella. I tasted proper mozzarella in Tuscany and it's nothing like the shit labeled mozzarella sold in supermarkets around the world, and for a good reason: real mozzella has a shelf life shorter than Trump's attention span.

A Twinkie weiner sandwich.

1. Cook a hot dog
2. Slice a twinkie halfway through the bottom longwise to get something like a hotdog bun
3. Insert the cooked hotdog into newly created bun
4. Squirt easy cheese along the length of the hot dog
5. Dip in milk
6. Eat

Weird Al invented this in 1989 in his movie UHF and it’s still not available in stores for some reason

Decent fitting clothes with deep pockets and quality fabrics with the colors i like

Trypophobia, apparently

Ha! We can get marmite and vegemite here in the states. And they're both fucking delicious when used right.

But, you can't get applebutter anything in the wild around here. Might be possible elsewhere, but I haven't run across it.

Not sure what is and isn't a thing elsewhere, but applebutter isa strongly spiced apple product used as a spread. It's sweet rather than savory. It typically features cloves, cinnamon and allspice as the main spices, in varying proportions. It is also fucking amazing.

But you won't find it in restaurants at all.

There is a great southern tradition of applebutter biscuits. Biscuits here, again in case it isn't known, are a fluffy, light, scone-like quickbread. And it's similar to your scenario. Places could offer that as a menu option and bring it to you. They could possibly make a deal for individual packets of it like exist for jelly, and bring that with biscuits. But nobody does.

It's one of those things that if you came over here, you can't find it in restaurants. Even worse, while you can buy commercially made applebutter (there's a few brands out there) they are all inferior to even mid tier homemade applebutter. So you can't even buy the experience the way people can at home. You can't just go out and buy Whitehouse applebutter and get the right texture and taste on your biscuits (or toast, or crumpets).

The commercially made options are all too thin for one thing. They don't spread like applebutter is supposed to. It's supposed to have a thick consistency, closer to something like a jam or preserve. The commercial stuff is also over-homogeneous and too finely textured. Homemade is going to have small chunks of softened apple as opposed to a blended texture.

The spice mix in store bought also tends to be both blander and too , I dunno, even? Homemade, you get layers of the spices. Store bought, you get one layer, there's no depth to it. Part of that is it being made in huge batches, and part is the longer time from jar to your mouth; so I can't say it's anything the makers have cheaped out on or anything. But it is not as good as what you make yourself (or someone's grammy makes).

Also, marmite and applebutter on toast is absurd in how good it is. The savory and salty bang of marmite with a spoonful of sweet, spicy applebutter on top will make you want to slap yo mama. I find marmite and vegemite don't do well on biscuits compared to toast, english muffins, or the like. Too much bread for it to really pop unless you do an entire spoonful, at which point it's too much.

Marmite crumpets shouldn't exist!

What other cosmic horrors are you creating in your kitchen‽

Peanut butter toast

Buckwheat kasha, you won't find it even in a Slavic restaurant. It is a simple dish of cooked buckwheat and milk, with sugar added if one desires. Such a simple breakfast dish is sold nowhere to my knowledge.

trypophobia image

Coffee. I used to be a coffee fiend, I drank up to 12-13 cups a day, and only stopped because it was worsening my anxiety. I live in a coffee producing country and learnt how to make a good cup in an espresso machine, even got all the doodads to make the process standardized and get the exact same cup every time.

I can only drink coffee made by select hands now. Everything else tastes like jet fuel, and it's worse when travelling.

While you can go to a restaraunt/cafe and buy pancakes. I havent found a premade packet version that just needs warming up that isnt absolute shit.

Give me fresh or give me death!

Vegemite and raspberry jam (“jelly“) on toast. Probably works on crumpets too.

Are hotels in the UK not equipped with toasters?

Children.

Batmobiles. Lots of companies sell Batmobile toys, no companies sell Batmobiles.

Avocado shake, at least in the western world. Unless you come across one at an asian shake/milktea shop, and even then, that menu item is rare.

Speculoos and jelly sandwiches. It's possible they serve that in Europe somewhere, but you could never find that served in the US.

I'd like to be proven wrong though.

Properly cooked hash browns. It takes too long for a restaurant to do it.

1. Chip Butty
2. Crisp Sandwich made with Sandwich Spread.

Stuffing and mashed potatoes.

Most places have their stuffing way to moist. I want stuffing, not bread that looks like it was dropped in water. Boxed stuffing shouldn't even be sold. It tastes like garbage.

Get some bread. Tear it up. Let it dry. Add some chicken broth. Add some seasoning. That means go to store and buy the different seasonings. Like garlic powder. Sage, thyme, etc.

Then put it on the oven. The moisture comes from gravy.

Mashed potatoes... Yeah most times people add way to much to the mashed potatoes.

Edit and for the gravy that means you make a chicken or a turkey you get the broth and you make the gravy.

Brother, we have all of those ingredients everywhere. We have a little British store run by expats who could get whatever packaged crumpet you use. Shit, I can make a batch of crumpets in about 15 minutes.

It's not like a crazy recipe that needs balanced flavors to be done right. Like I've never had a good poutine outside of Quebec. It's always sad beige gravy with the wrong seasonings or mozzarella or frozen fries or all of the above. It is never right.

What we can also talk about is local places making local dishes but they do it wrong and cheap or "good enough" and people come from abroad and try the dishes and think they're mid because they went to the wrong place.

TL;DR: I love poutine.

/Rant

Marmite Crumpets don't exist

Yet you brought them into existence. May god have mercy on your soul.

Marmite on Weetbix.

Ingredients:

• 1 Weetbix
• butter (lots)
• Marmite (lots)

Method:
Select a choice looking compressed wheat brick, apply a thick layer of butter, spread the Marmite across the layer of butter.

This was a common school snack when I was growing up.

Some cafes will do it - not as standard, but a few - maybe try the ones trying to be 1-up from a greasy. https://seahousescafe.co.uk/the-breakfast-menu

As will many hotel breakfasts, there's often little single serving marmite things in with the single serving jam packets. I'd say about half the hotels i've stayed in with decent cooked breakfast have had it on offer.

I've also seen it in little roadside food van / trailer type things too.

Anyway, you want sainsbury's yeast extract instead of marmite, it's way gloopier and nicer tasting.

To quote a fictional character, Casey Jones from the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie;

cricket?! Youve gotta know what a crumpet is to understand cricket!

The Cannibal Sandwich, which doesn't actually use human flesh, but is also not a sandwich. Anyway, you take a slice of rye cocktail bread, spread on some raw, ground beef, then top it with some sliced onion, salt, and pepper. You can't get it ready-made, because nobody likes e. coli or salmonella poisoning. In fact, you have to make special arrangements to get the beef ground by a butcher in a clean grinder, and pretty much eat it the same day.

Maple Walnut ice cream seems to be impossible to find in stores outside of New England