Mine are slightly misshapen due to genetics and this causes more frequent strains and injuries. It's a ticking time bomb for me needing really expensive surgery :(
I wish I were less anxious/self-conscious. It's weird because outwardly almost no one knows that I am. I'm charismatic and easy to talk to, a natural leader in the workplace (I've managed now at every job I've held) and I'm a loving and supportive father. But deep down I'm still self-conscious as hell. I experience a lot of spotlight syndrome and I feel like I dress frumpy, walk weird, etc. I have a lot of social anxiety and think every situation/confrontation is going to be a worst-case scenario. Had to take 5 weeks off of work for a stress fracture and allowed myself to believe leading up to it that my (typically supportive) boss was going to be angry or petty or challenge me over it. He was extremely supportive and told me to just take the time off and not to worry about putting out the fires at work.
I don't know how I conditioned myself to be like this. Probably a side-effecting of growing up fat and all the self-hate that came with it. I got rid of the fat a lot time ago, but I don't think that shit ever really left me. Fortunately my daughter does not share my lack of confidence. That kid is miles ahead of her peers and I'm so proud of her.
It's more to do with honesty. If the seller says it's worth this much and that's what they need to charge to cover their costs, then I would like to think that's true because if it isn't, they're lying.
I really struggle to answer this even though I have this constant feeling of something being wrong. I've been quite lucky with genetics and the things I've wanted to change that can be changed I pretty much already have.
I guess there are two things I'd like to even further improve on:
I'd like to care less. I like myself the least when I get emotionally captured. I'd like to just be able to let it go and be teflon where nothing sticks.
Reading can feel like such a chore, even if you enjoy it.
I have trouble getting started. I'm not sure why I feel as though I should only read a book at a time, and that I should finish every book I start.
So I am trying to treat reading more like how I watch TV. I can start and stop, maybe skip a slow episode (chapter, page). I read more than one book at a time. I just swap between books as my interest changes.
Also, audiobooks have been a really great way for me to read more. I listen on walks, while driving, doing odd jobs, or just while playing some mindless game that keeps my eyes and hands occupied while I listen.
It's just so much more fulfilling than listening to music. I find nothing is quite comparable to the way books capture a moment. Theres just so much perspective and wisdom even in fiction books, they can make other media seem somewhat shallow in comparison sometimes.
If you get/have a library card, see if they support overdrive/libby. I periodically replace my social media apps on my homescreen with a book reading app. When muscle memory decides its time to doom scroll, I end up reading a few pages of a book on my phone instead.
About caring less, I cant claim to have figured it out, but read stoic philosophy seems to help put me on the right track. My understanding is its the basis for a lot of modern psychotherapy, and it seems to make a lot of sense to me.
Wish I wasn't depressed and anxious so I could do what normal people seem to do normally every they meanwhile it takes me a week if I have better episode.
I wish I didn't have an addictive personality. I just wanna be a casual heroin user, is that too much to ask for? I don't want to sell my mom's TV for another hit rather have a job and pay for my own scores. Ya know responsibly
I don't think think its necessarily an addictive personality that makes one susceptible to heroin. Heroin (especially in the format its consumed) is basically pure pleasure/heaven all at once since all the RoA are all IV/snort/smoke, anyone would end up with a problem after like a week.
Can I ask what heroin seems to be acting as a balm or buffer for?
Like with most skills, one becomes confident with practice.
I'm a natural introvert and an only child and therefore has little practice of taking to others. I had no idea of how important small talk is. I learned by working in a bar, where social interaction can't really be dodged and found out that social interaction isn't that daunting as it seemed to me.
It still not my biggest hobby yet I'm not longer afraid of social interaction like I used to be.
What helps me is knowing that everyone is fucking awkward.
I've met thousands upon thousands of people and I have never met anyone who is not socially awkward, just a lot of people who are socially skilled in different ways.
The people who don't come across as awkward are the people who acknowledge their awkwardness and own it, who give themselves an opportunity to fumble with their awkwardness and to get used to it the same way you do with any other difficult thing like math or reading or studying or dance or games.
I said all of that to say, not being awkward is not a talent, it is a skill, and you can learn it.
Someone made an offhand comment that I would be an otter if only I were more laid back.
And honestly, that made me kinda wish I could be more relaxed and chill. Everything just seems to important and stressful and difficult and intense to me... I wish I could just turn that all off and just let things happen to me as they come rather than fearing and planning for the future.
There's this nice dialog that's written by logician and taoist Raymund Smullyan that is about a man asking god to abscond him off free will. I will not spoil the plot but it has some great turns and offers insights on the absurdities and (im) possibilities of the desire not to have free will (and of talking to god).
It's a long read, mind you but it may give you more insight on what you want to know about.
I seen a lot of people have this particular question and the question that I have for them is what isn't free will?
On the religious side you've got the people who are saying God knows everything so he already knows what you're going to do. On the science side you've got all humans are just chemicals in a hot dog casing.
My opinion is, either which way you look at it you are free to choose what you want to do.
Just because somebody can make you question the freedom of your choices does not mean that your choices are not born of free will.