Lost_My_Mind @ Lost_My_Mind @lemmy.world

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1 yr. ago

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This is how I learned to be selfish. I like helping others, but whenever I do, I find I'm not helping, but rather doing everything for everyone else. So now I'm selfish, and feel bad, until I remind myself why.

History never repeats itself...but it often rhymes.

I thought Mussolini died....

Psssshhhhhh!!! Bitch please! We eat tidepods, and then get into heated arguements over who can and can't use certain bathrooms based on their genitals that we can't see.

That sounds vaugely firmiliar. Anyone have any idea who that could be in real life?

To be fair, Barbie is a domestic terrorist. You should see what she did to Kens balls.

Well, I read it as just a description of Fred Durst in the late 90s/Early 00's.

He's rollin rollin rollin rollin, and if his day keeps goin' this way, he's gonna break something tonight!

Politics of your cars extended warrenty? I don't understand!

.........oh. I see. You bought a Tesla. You deserve to be hassled.

See, what you gotta do is threaten them with absurdity.

Don't say "I'm never coming back". Instead, walk across the street to the bus stop. Wait for them to come out to their car. Memorize it.

Now come back to the parking lot every day for a week. Wait for them to leave their car, and go inside. Once they're inside, you walk over to their car, and write down their liscense plate number.

Now go home, and use public records to do a search to find their name and address.

Now go back to the store, and take a picture of them with your cell phone.

Now, sit across the street from a police department, and watch for a cop arriving to work. Take note of his liscense plate, and search his name/address.

Now write a letter to the clerk, threatening to wait outside his work with a giraffe. Tell him "Giraffes have 15 inch tongues, thick as a beer can. I've trained this one to stick their tongues into your butthole, and grab your waist with their teeth. You'll be 19 feet in the air, getting tongue fucked by a giraffe. If you try to escape, you fall. See ya at Costco, Gary!"

And you use the cops name/address as the return address. Now if he tries to go to the cops, they'll protect their own, and find something to arrest him with.

Checkmate, Gary!

hugs you

I know this doesn't change what your body is doing to you, but I hope it at least makes you feel loved.

Me: starts reading.

Me: about a quarter of the way in....huh?

Me: skims the rest of the message. Huh???

Me: I don't get it. I'll just make a dry unfunny joke, and hope that being meta self reflective joke about it will confuse people into thinking it's funnier than it is.

Oh they HAD enough children. The majority just died early. Disease, fire, cliffs, dinosaurs eating them. It was rough.

This is like someone who has faulty math, faulty logic, and fails on every level of a mathematical process. They have nothing but errors when they show their math, but somehow come up with the right answer.

Well, in the early 2000s, WWE had a faction called Evolution. Ric Flair was part of it.

So yes.

Here in America the bike lanes are painted red because thats the blood of bicyclists who are hit staying in their bike lane. As our drivers are swerving lanes as they watch tiktok on their phone while driving.

"BUMPBUMP!! Hey! Whoa! That's a weird place for a speed bump....."

I mean.....

Careful with that. You might get put on a list.

I remember in the 90s I had a system. You know those yellow sticky notes? Well I kept some in my bookbag for school. If I needed something, I wrote them down, and then on the weekend I'd put the sticky note on my door so I'd remember what I needed to grab from walmart.

Each of these items had COMPLETELY unrelated reasons that I was buying them. I wrote them down on unrelated days. At completely different times. With zero thought connecting them. However, I realized as I stepped in line what I had just done. I abandoned my cart entirely, and just LEFT.

I didn't go back to that walmart for 3 years.

As I stood in line, with items in my cart, I realized I was about to buy:

1 box of 36 gallon trash bags

1 pack of sharpie markers

1 pair of scissors

1 container of draino

2 gallons of bleach

1 gardening shovel (the little ones that are 6 inches and a handle)

1 coloring book aimed at preschool children

1 jar of glitter

3 bottles of elmers glue

1 jug of orange juice

36 hersheys cookies & cream candy bars

1 pack of 3 pairs of dishwashing gloves

1 box of 10 condoms

1 box of cheerios

I saw that, and thought "holy shit! This looks like I'm about to have some kind of cult ritual sex, kill them, clean up the scene, bury the body, and then have breakfast!

enters the lottory

What? Is that not how this works?

I can see that. Vance will be one. DeSantos will be another. Musk might even get in on it.

If I were Hillary Clinton, I'd just troll them, and run as a republican.

Here's the thing. Trump is just a poster boy. The real problems will continue long after he's dead. There will be further assholes. Trump is a puppet. The string puller will last on.

We need to address the core root, not the symptoms.