What side do you open a banana from?

The stem side. I enjoy them as long as they are slightly green, so usually the skin breaks easily when bent. Otherwise I will use a sharp knife and make an horizontal incision at the start of the stem to facilitate the peeling.
I am aware of the way monkeys open them, tried and didn't like it because of the dark mushy part at the end of the fruit, opening from the stem allows to easily leave it behind.
- I use the same method for the same reason but prefer no green, instead with small brown spots (no big ones) for ideal ripeness.

I take my fingernail and run it along the inner spine splitting the banana skin open so I can extract the banana. I then carefully repose the banana skin in the fruit bowl so that it appears it is an unopened banana.
This is the only correct way to eat a banana.
- This thread is starting to remind me of this

I like to hold the banana upright facing away from me, and then I sneak up behind it and use a really sharp knife to sever the jugular part way through before I rip its head backward, peeling the skin all the way down its spine.
It's immensely satisfying, especially the crisp clear sound the knife makes as it cuts off the life force
- Sick. What's the button combo for this one?
- While I don't use your visualisation technique, this is the best method.

I eat it from the end opposite the stem: Just pop the nub off like a button and split from there. I have found it to be, by far, the easiest way to open a banana.
- Yup. Literally just pinch the bottom nub and it's open.
- That's the way monkeys eat them. It's the easiest way

The outward facing part from how it grows, not where the stem is. Used to think that was the bottom, but it's the top. Just pinch it and it opens easier every time.

Mostly snapping it in half. Sometimes the monkey end(not the stem).
- This is the way. You can avoid the funky Satan's anus portion like normal and you get to open it incredibly quickly. Bonus you get two halves that are easy to use for peanut butter + banana 'hotdogs'.
  
  This is the way

Sorta left of center. That is I usually cut the top third off and give it to my cockatoo who likes the stubby bit to hang onto while he eats the inside and then proceeds to tear the non edible parts apart (he pretty much likes to tear everything apart). Barrring that I do the standard way even though I am aware how the other way is supposed to work better. I just can't resist the pull tab.

So, for me it depends.
Do I have a knife handy? The stem. If not you can mush less from the bottom by pinching the end and pulling

Depends on how ripe they are. Before they go spotty the stem end is usually thicker than the blossom end, so I open from the bottom. Once it's ripe then the stem is usually much easier.
- Yeah I usually prefer a banana a little on the green side, so its bottom for me.

Centre. With a knife. Because I rarely eat more than half a banana at a time.
- Same but I don't use a knife, you can just snap bananas in half with your bare hands!

The back, that way the peel stays in one large easy-to-dispose-of piece instead of a fragile octopus

have you seen that trick where you slice a banana without peeling it?
- With a needle and thread? I tried that once when I was a kid, but I couldn't get it to work.
  
  yep

The stem - even if the other side is more optimal, I hate the brown bit, so I prefer to open at the stem (which isn't usually that hard) and throw that part away when I get to the end.