You've been instantly teleported two feet to the left. How does this affect you?

I guess this is me now.

I fall poopy b-hole first onto the edge of my bathtub.

i am telefragged as my head is now inside of a table

IIRC the way telefragging works in Quake is that the thing occupying the destination gets telefragged. I think that you'd be okay and the table would be seriously messed up.

A bunch of people in here without something solid two feet to the left of them seem to be assuming that there is a perfect them-shaped vaccuum that they will be teleported into. That's not the case. There is air there, and you'll be just as dead as the guy sitting next to the family refrigerator.

Unless you are an astronaut currently in space, the only correct answer is "dying of multiple simultaneous embolisms, with or without widespread traumatic amputations, and 'gross dismemberment' (SFW, only text) from instantaneous pressure changes inside the body."

Presumably, teleportation is a bidirectional process, and everything that was occupying the space you now take gets teleported to your previous position.
Solution: telefrag everything.

My dog and I are now one. We have become, dogperson. All the bipedability of a person, with the infinite compassion of a dog. We are unstoppable.

I am outside in nothing but my underwear. It is cold and raining outside. The doors and windows are locked and i don't remember the garage code. No one is home to let me in for another hour or so. D:

I'm inside a wall now

Well I am pretty sure that puts me in the concrete wall at work. I probably won't know, but my coworkers are going to need therapy for life.

Dead I guess, bricked inside wall

I am now sitting on the exact same bench in the exact same position except two feet to the left

Same, except it's a sofa and I'd have the TV remote up my ass.
Same, except on a couch

I am now laying on my sister's bed instead of my own.

If this happened 10 minutes ago, I would be outside of my car on the highway and that would be bad.

And that is why you don't read lemmy while driving!
- that works for this exercise but what if the prompt was "you've been teleported 2 feet to the left 10 minutes ago. How did this affect you?"
You’re old enough to own a car, but your bed is within two feet of your sister’s? Please help me understand.
- We live together in a very small apartment.

My ass hits the asphalt at 120km/h, not entirely sure I will still be capable of pooping from there after that.

About half of my body is now occupying the same space-time position as my refridgerator.

I die almost instantly, the half that is left outside the fridge slumps to the floor and creates a gory mess for my partner to find.

Meanwhile, the other half of my mass is busy trying to occupy the same place as my refrigerator probably causes additional...effects. Does it explode? Does it just make a mess in the fridge? I will never know. Either way, it's safe to say my family is getting a new fridge.

I’m pooping, so no bueno.

I'm midway through the wall and no longer on the toilet.

I'm in a closet with way too many clothes and also no longer on the toilet

I'm falling down my apartment building's stairwell. Ow.

Part of me is outside, part is inside, and part is stuck in the wall.

I'll be done worrying about work today, I tell you what.

*hwat

I'm have been removed from my current chair and I'm now sitting in a different chair.

I fall out of my chair

I fall the two feet back onto the bed

Still In Bed Crew rise up!!!
..or not
- West coast crew

Just squirted shit all over my neighbors floor

Pooping in the shower. What else is new?

I would be in my bed because I'm laying on my left side and have a thick bed

Trapped in the storage

Me and another churchgoer now occupy the same space. I'm on my phone; I wonder what she did to deserve this.

My head and torso are inside my bedroom wall but my legs are not.

So you're an NPC in an average AAA-game?
I'm having a very hard time picturing how this could happen. Are your legs growing out of your right side?
- I was lying down and defined my left as what would be my left of I were sitting up. If I had actually been teleported two feet to my left I would have ended up under my bed, and possibly intersecting the floor

in the next apartment's bedroom, which belongs to a 70 year old lady who insisted that I need to eat more fruits (she always has some fruits ready to give out every time she sees me).

Nothing, but my pets get a heart attack

Id be nutted by a table leg then dropped on my ass.

Pissing standing all over the floor.

Now if it were to the right, at least I would be pissing on the shower.

I am now a part of my desk. On the plus side i can still reach the keyboard :)

Now I have 3 left feet?

I am sitting in the empty bus seat next to me. This is a slight annoyance because I prefer sitting next to the window.

I've just been teleported out of bed horizontally. My lower half falls 2 feet but I hit my head on the nightstand on the way down and end up a crumpled mess on the floor

I'm now pooping outside for the neighbors to see... and probably fell over, bare-ass, struggling to figure out wtf just happened. And I'm locked out with a dirty bum; whyyyy!? Why have I been forsaken during my ~~phone~~ poop time?!

I fall on the ground

my legs are in the trashcan and I fall to the floor D:

Sitting on the right side of the couch, now sitting on the left side of the couch.... Merged with my dog. Very animorphs

Which way is left? I'm in my bed, leaning on my right side. Do I get teleported 12 cm up? Otherwise I get closer to the edge of the bed and almost fall over. Probably do, because my cushion isn't below my arm anymore

2 feet is about 60 cm
In the same position as I read your comment. Floating 12 cm in the air for a bit would be cool.

I am now clipping through a cafe table, emotionally scarring the other patrons by dying from bifurcation in front of them

I’m now locked outside my running car. (I’m in park waiting to pick someone up, not lemmy-ing and driving!)

I'm currently sitting in the leftmost seat of a bus, so I suppose I'll get injured pretty badly from colliding with the road at high speed, and possibly be run over by a car.

I'm taking a dump in my closet

I'm suffocating in a wall I guess

💀

I fall on my ass in the carpark outside the office. It's cold, but assuming there's no car there at the time, I just walk round the building and let myself back in.

I thought the no car thing was a pretty safe bet at this time, until one drove past as I was typing this.

shoulder leaning on the window, looking at the view Huh? Wait no! Waaaaaaahhhh…… splat.

My head would fuse with my chest of drawers, the rest of my body would fall limply to the floor about 70cm below, if my head fusing with my furniture didn't kill me, then the fall could break my neck, it would absoluetely make the chest of drawers fall over me which absolutely could crush my neck.

So, please do not do this when I am in bed.

I'm now merged with my dog. I either have 30 seconds to live or some interesting new abilities.

Ed...Ward.... Ed....ward. Big Brother.

That's about 0.6 meters as of freedomless units of measure.

Dunno, I guess I'll be on the other side of the bed.

It's upsetting there's no ruling here or on any subs about having to specify country or units of measurement.

I'm now standing two feet to my left.

Yep, literally standing in the middle of my living room browsing Lemmy on my phone. Loads of room for activities, like getting teleported.
- So... Do you often just stand in the middle of rooms while looking at your phone? That's pretty damn weird not gonna lie

Currently on the left-most side of the couch. If I teleport 2 feet to the left, I'd immediately fall onto the floor.

I would end up like these two.

fall off my bed

I'm like halfway in a wall, half in a bush

I'm wet and sitting in on my bedroom floor. I'm in the bath now

Why do you have a bathtub in your bedroom?
- I would assume that the bathtub is in the bathroom, and two feet over is across an interior wall and in a bedroom.

I'm now sitting on a TV

I collapse in a heap on a small stack of tripods and camera lighting equipment.

I'm floating in the air now! Was laying on my right side in bed.

Same! Looking forward to the bounce when I hit the bed

I'd fall off my displaced chair and have my left kneecap stuck in the drawers. I guess I'd die if that merge of my knee with the drawer would result in fusion.

Whose feet are to my left and why are you teleporting me to them?

A lot of people pooping in this thread! I would have fallen out of bed.

Me too, ouch. But still much better than to the right and inside the wall, can't complain.

Depends on where the stud is. I think if it is between studs I'll only have all of my limbs sliced off.

Land on my ass

I'd be teleported onto my wife, which would be fine except she's finally sleeping after a few nights of not sleeping well so I'd be in big trouble for waking her

I would be sitting on my 3d printer

I think id be in the mens bathroom, which id be fine with, because im on lunch break right now and its about to end.

I would be sitting on the left side of the coach. There would probably be some discomfort as I would be sitting on top of some stuff, but nothing bad really. My cat would at least leave the cable lying there along.

And.. is your coach okay with it?
- *couch
  Auto correct trick me by putting coach right next too 🛋 when I tried to figure out the spelling.

I fall on my butt if you don't teleport the chair with me.

I am now sitting in my wife's chair at her computer. Well, I guess I had some troubleshooting to do anyway...

I am no longer in the hot tub, but dropped on cold hard concrete.

Scared the shit out of the cat sitting in that spot