2d ago

Safe

150 comments

Physically safe - but you're gonna get sassed to within an inch of your life.

Three guys wearing a red shirt
- three clones of tom scott, who say "we are standing in an elevator going to the 5th floor" in perfect unison as you enter
  
  Sourced from the island of Tom Scotts.

Can we do 2 adult men and a bear?
- At the same time?
  
  It's the Internet, we can do anything.

Everywhere they went people were getting kidnapped, orcs were invading, trees were coming to life, and the dead were rising. Id want to be far away from that elevator.
- You know for a fact that they'll literally coming charging across the countryside to rescue you though
  
  Not much countryside for the charging in most elevators, though 🤔
- They probably wouldn't be that familiar with the workings of a lift either
  
  Only one of them.
  
  But Legolas could poke out the ceiling panel with the tip of his bow and Aragorn could boost Gimli up with a rope.

My two older brothers and my dad

So ackshually...
Aragorn was descended from Elros who was a half-elf, but that was so long ago he may or may not be a full man depending on how racist one is about miscegenation.
Legolas was an elf and Gimli was a dwarf, so explicitly not Men.
How about Eomer and Faramir instead?
- Men as in males, yes.
  Men as in humans, mostly no
- Elros and Elrond had a choice as to become Eldar or Edain. Elrond chose Eldar, while Elros chose Edain. Once they chose their mixed nature was resolved.
  
  Not exactly, since the Númenóreans still had longer lives than Men due to their elven heritage. So while one could absolutely make the argument they were Men, there's also a case to be made saying they weren't pureblooded Men.
- Boromir would've made them feel safer.
  
  Faramir didn't try to take the Ring from Frodo, unlike Boromir.

Is the elevator spacious?
- I can't believe how jacked Arnold is here. It's truly remarkable.
  
  Thats not even his peak, he was more jacked as Hercules and in the first Terminator film imo, before his movie career.
- Arnold's got a decent number of allegations against him, but Andre would protect you so I guess it's honestly a freebie for the other two if he's in the mix.
  
  Andre was a sweetheart, but a famous alcoholic. You'd have to worry about him passing out drunk. You don't want to get crushed by a 500 pound teddy bear in a small space.
  There's a story of him passing out drunk in a hotel bar and the staff just having to let him stay the night where he fell because they couldn't move him.
- Ok I recognise Andre and Arnold, who's the dude on the left?
  
  Wilt Chamberlain.
  The only NBA player to individually score 100 points in a game.

I tried to come up with a counter argument and realized pretty quickly that I didn’t want to.
- I mean, they're objectively correct.
- What's the counter-argument ? Let's hear it

Figures that the safest men to be stuck with aren't human men.
- Aragorn?
  
  He's 87 years old at the start of LOTR.
  He descends from Elros the Half-Elf.
  
  He's got Elven heritage. He's the 64th descendant of Elros, brother of Elrond. I think he's also decendend from a Maiar as Elros and Elrond's great great grandmother was Melian.

I'd choose: Boromir, Ned Stark, and Sean Bean.
No way anything bad can happen to me with those magnets around.
- The whole elevator would just crash through the foundation. You'd be collateral when Death gets a 3 for 1 final destination style.
  
  Nah, I think it'd go more like this:
  Get it in the elevator and see them all in there.
  Go to press the button for your floor (the top floor) and see that it's already pressed.
  Have a pleasant trip up.
  Arrive at your floor and the doors open.
  All three politely allow you to exit first.
  Step out of the lift safely.
  Elevator malfunctions, plummets and crashes through the foundation.
  Walk off thinking how nice they all were.
  
  Jᴀᴄᴋᴘᴏᴛ.
- I dunno. Might take Sharpe instead of Ned Stark, good to have someone that knows how to use a rifle

Harry Houdini, Angus MacGyver, and James Randi
- I think all of them are dead, I'm not sure I will be safe with a bunch of dead people in the elevator
  
  Richard Dean Anderson/MacGyver/General O'Neil is alive.
  Don't scare me like that!
  
  Hate to be contrary but I'd think you couldn't be safer if they were all dead

I'd also go for Data, Riker, and LaForge.
- You need O’Brien to act as a lightning rod for any misfortune.
  
  Please.... No more...
- Now roll for shirt color.
  
  Alright.
  1d4, and this is the order; 1 = red, 2 = yellow, 3 = blue, 4 = green.
  And I got 3, so that's blue! :D
- Oopsie poopsie, you got Lore!
  
  Also the other Riker...
- Ehhh debatable if Data is a "man", and LaForge... well, he wouldn't be on my list. My picks from TNG to share a turbolift would would be Picard, O'Brien and Riker. Picard would be either ruminating on some deep crisis or current drama and be quiet and majestic. O'Brien would be preoccupied and anxious about some project and trying to build up the courage to talk to the senior officers about it. Riker would be relaxed, polite and crack a joke that would make you chuckle.
  If counting non-human male characters across ST, then Data, Odo and Spock.
  
  non-zero chance Riker tries to flirt with you
  
  Pretty sure Data's status was solidified in Measure of a Man. I was also keeping it era and crew consistent, so no cross-era or cross-crew groups. The reason being that it is in keeping with the meme above.
  As for why I chose Data, Riker, and LaForge; for their technical problem solving skills. And that they work really well together solving technical problems. I don't need anyone to be majestic or fret about some project. I need them to fix the elevator. XD
  
  I mean... No Worf? I feel like he'd be the safest choice together with Data
  
  I'll choose chaos. Picard, Riker, and Q.
- LaForge is occasionally kinda creepy...
  
  Only if there's a particularly attractive hologram nearby. Not a problem when stuck in an elevator.
- Luke, Han, and R2D2.
  
  I don't know about feeling "safe" with Han, but unsafe in a good way. Like I trust him but not myself. Artoo could probably plug in and fix the elevator, too.
  
  Eh, I'd say R2-D2 doesn't count as a "man" at all, being neither human nor clearly gendered in any way.
  
  Not Obi-wan?
  
  That's a good combo too.
- Riker?
  
  He's charismatic and playfully flirty but receptive to signals and a good communicator. He wouldn't do anything untoward without consent.
  
  I hardly even know ‘er!

Let's be real. We're all NPCs so if any of the men are from something with action, we'll probably end up dead. My pick would be Bob Ross, Mr. Rogers, and Steve Irwin. Super calming and chill
- Steve was an amazing person but I wouldn’t describe him as chill.
  He was pure overwhelming enthusiastic energy.
  
  Fair point. Well, he'll balance out the other two then. It'll be like drugs (I assume), two downers and one upper
  
  "Speed into one nostril, coke into the other"-energy

Not if yer a fucken orc!

Somewhat related: that's a dream blunt rotation right there
- I feel like Gimli would hog it, Aragorn would obviously be awesome, and Legolas would be chill but you could tell he's thinking your weed sucks, he's got a much better connection.
  
  i like to imagine that weed is the opposite of beer when it comes to elves and dwarves, elves barely even notice while dwarves start giggling when standing next to someone puffing a blunt
  Oh and hobbits would of course treat it like something abjectly holy, they already take pipeweed extremely seriously and that's just tobacco. Actual devil's lettuce might well start hobbit cults.
  
  Gimli, it's a blunt, not a microphone

The fact that they had to go to fictional characters is significant.
- We're in the LOTR community, the sample may be a little biased
  
  Yes, but the person who responded to the question wasn't in a LOTR community.
- To be fair, being fictional means they're significantly less dimensional than real people and are incapable of holding secrets.
  I mean there are real people I feel absolutely safe around, but they're just normal people I know and have built trust with. There are no famous people I can say the same for because I don't know them personally, even if they seem good on the surface. And for fictional characters like these, we "know" Aragorn is safe because he's written to be benevolent, we've read his entire life, and the author's dead so there's no possibility for new material to change that perception.
  
  LotR should have started becoming public domain in America in 2023 btw
- The people you know well enough to trust them are close to you but unknown to others, so other people wouldn't really appreciate your unswer if it was just some common unknown people. You mostly cannot bet on the character of celebrities, because you don't know them personally (see Gaiman). Fictional characters are known by many people and their personalities are nicely described in the books, movies, whatever....
- Good point!
  Okay, real world examples from me (notably, a big dude, so y'know, probably not as in tune to things as I could be):
  Bernie Sanders My brother My Uncle
  ... I... Really thought I'd have better options until I really started thinking about it
  
  Yeah. Same issue here. So how about:
  Bob Ross. Carl Sagan. Steve Irwin.
- also that 2 of them aren't men
  
  I would take "men" to just mean "male people," since it's not being asked in the context of a fantasy world.
- it really isn't, people comfortably stand in elevators with men all the time lol

first 3 celebridudes that popped into my head:
Tom Hanks, Keannu Reaves, and Willie Nelson.
- Also, Patrick Stewart.
  
  totally could get down or up (elevator joke) with sirpatstew
- You are NOT safe from Willie. He will get you SOOO high.
  
  exactly why he's on the list. I'm secretly trying to get to Hanks that high so he can laugh like he did in money pit.

I don't know; can you name three bears that women would feel safer with?
- bear in the big blue house is one, for sure. he wouldn't even need violence to stave off nasty people, he'd just make them feel bad.
- Barenstain?

Honestly if I was a woman any dude in life. Maybe even those goth dudes on black horses. Def the trees tho. They Hott af

Christopher Reeves, Stephen Hawking, Teddy Pendergrass
- i mean, i guess i'd feel safe, but probably not super comfortable, given that they are all three very dead.
  
  If they're dead and in the elevator, are they still in wheelchairs?
- Idk about Stephen Hawking
- Mr Rogers, Bob Ross, Steve Irwin

Just put me with Pedro Pascal, in any role.
- Pedro Pascal, Sir Ian Mckellan, and Sir Patrick Stewart.
  
  I definitely wouldn't want my human ass inside a metal box that is inconveniencing Magneto.