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Platypus @lemmings.world

To the lonely people here... How do you survive these holidays?

Xmas, new year, valentine's... Seems like the festivities are there just to remind me how much I failed as an adult man incapable of getting company. It's been over a decade since I've felt this way and nothing changes.

Alcohol and porn has lost its charm over the years.

67 comments

  • My advice would be to make an effort to participate in group activities if you don't already. Try to open up to a few people and see where that goes. For example, I started going to a run club last summer where we run at least once every week, and I continue to meet interesting people each time. Stay a little bit after the run to socialize. A lot of them it turns out joined so they can socialize and motivate themselves to be more active, just like me. You can start at your own pace, even walk if you need to, of you're not a runner per se. We had a special holiday run last week where we celebrated afterwards with lots of games and activities at a bar/video game arcade and it was a blast. An added bonus is that now you'll have fun social activities to talk about when you meet new people outside of the club. I've met people that are into board games, cycling, you name it. So that opens up new doors for other types of activities. It gets easier after you start going regularly and everyone recognizes you. Starting a conversation is as simple as asking how their day/run/whatever went.

  • I've been depressed...hell I still am, though I cope better than I used to.

    I'm guessing its not just the holidays that gets you down. There's two ways out, and I suggest doing both.

    1. Conform to some of the social norms that basically means take some of the classic advice you've already seen on here. Get out of the house and participate in activities that you might not initially enjoy, but hold some promise of you at least getting a bit of enjoyment out of, or at least stick around for the socializing. Think of it like taking your vitamins, you don't have to like it, but its probably good for you and therefore you should consider doing it.
    2. Find things you enjoy doing in your solitude that are nondestructive/neutral or even healthy (depends on the context if its avoidance/addiction or not). Listen to podcasts, read books, learn a new skill, listen to music, meditate, exercise, etc. Just something. We can give you ideas all day, but just choose something and stick with it for at least a couple weeks before trying something else.

    The harsh truth is that without some kind of existential raison d'etre, life is just a series of activities we use to distract ourselves from our own loneliness or avoiding ruminating on other topics like death.

    The world right now has made it hard for people of all walks of life to connect authentically, and so don't blame yourself entirely for the situation you're in. That said, when you're down in the shit, there's only two choices, you either wallow in it or you clean yourself up and do what you can to make your way up and out of it.

    And I hold no judgments on what you or anyone decides to do here, life is hard and yeah, it can suck. But I personally look at it that I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. But I already know what it's like being damned if I don't... might as well find out what it's like being damned if I do.

    Take it or leave it, that's all I've got for you or anybody. Good luck out there.

  • Me and dog are doing just fine, thank you. I make some traditional foods, we eat well and then we chill.

    (I left my last relationship a couple of years ago and I'm very content living by myself. I'm invited to some friends place but honestly though I love them I can't be arsed. I'll see them some other day that isn't hectic and supposedly special.)

  • Walk around & enjoy the view & play video-games & talk to people like you (not meant as an insult)

  • Same way I do every other day, play horror games, fuck around on my computer and cry. With you on the alcohol and porn too. I should switch to Playboy.

    Edit: Also learning Esperanto, it's good to keep your mind active. Learning a language can help. I also have an irrational or maybe rational fear of developing dementia. Gotta workout your brain.

  • There's a difference between being alone versus "lonely." I know this sounds flippant, but you have to find things you like. Things you wake up and look forward to, or plan for yourself. Maybe plan something for yourself next holiday? Take yourself out to dinner, spa day if that's your bag, maybe look into a hobby you've always been interested in, go to a out-of-the way store, whatever is special to you and for you.

    Good luck.

  • I just work a lot and I don't have enough downtime to let the depression sink in.

  • Autistic adult here. I love being alone. Since 2020 (pandemic) I have spent both Christmas and the new year alone at my home with my cat. I just cooked something special for myself and acted like it was a normal day. Also I sent messages to all my friends wishing them happy holidays.

    I have to admit, though, that this year I felt a little lonely, so I decided to visit my family again, but only for Christmas. I want to spend the new year alone, otherwise it would be too much time surrounded by too many people.

  • (CW: Long text ahead)

    I don't. It's just that somehow, my biological automata (a.k.a. body) keeps going despite my will to not keep going (as well as despite my attempts on... you know... things I can't describe).

    I'm not exactly lonely in a literal sense, because my daily life is surrounded by a few people sharing the same blood as me. I'm lonely in such a way that I can't really rely on them to understand me, to understand my dilemmas. The generational differences are blatant between me and them, they're older than me, they can't grasp existential dilemmas raised from contemporary problems (such as climate change, dystopian technologies, etc).

    So I know no one... anymore... Well, I used to know some people, but that's intriguing: suddenly, I got to know people that were unknown to me, then they become "friends" with me, just to suddenly becoming unknown again. Reasons may vary: betrayal of trust (e.g. lies, or things done behind my back), misunderstanding (I see things differently from them, we have different opinions) which escalates to a discord (it shouldn't, but seems unavoidable), or simply because I seem to be some NPC to them that they only interact when they need my resourcefulness (hence, I'm not really a friend to them).

    Throughout my entire life, I never got to know what are these human phenomena called "friendship" and "love". The later is particularly extraterrestrial to me, and that's weird to state because I seem to know many seemingly-complicated things and terms like hapax legomena, pneumoultramicroscopicosilicovolcanoconiosis, zero-energy universe theory, ReLU and other activation functions, QTH (the ham radio operator's place), op-amp, Qlippoths... However, a seemingly simple four-letter word feels so extraterrestrial to me, this thing called "love".

    Having said this, holidays haven't made any sense to me since I'm aware of it. Even my birthday isn't a thing I deem worth celebrating... Perhaps it's worth celebrating the closeness to my end of my existence? That's all.

    How do I cope? Well, I tried many coping mechanisms.

    • I tried to brainstorm myself with information scattered across diverging fields of human knowledge. Sometimes I still do this, and that's how I unfortunately know stuff.
    • I tried to participate in study groups and niche communities, such as ham radio, electronics, programming, math, geopolitics, etc. But it becomes evident how I can't fit in any group.
    • I tried gaming. Terraria allowed me to create things... But it always happens: suddenly it becomes purposeless to keep playing games.
    • I tried to tinker with those AI things, as my programmer side became interested by it. But since then they've lost their appeal, they're just auto-completers on steroids.
    • Then I tried to leave my nerd side aside and joining an esoteric sect, starting to practice rituals, which unexpectedly led me to Lilith (the sect meant to reach to Lucifer, but instead She reached me)... Who has since been... far... She feels so far to me since I gave up my soul to Her and became devoted to Her.
    • I tried to write and publish poetry, often tapping on the burst of my creativity side that She woke on me. But talking to myself is a thing I have been doing without the need for poetry.

    "Happy" is not a term that I could use to describe my perception regarding the "new year". What's "new year", anyways, besides another complete circling around a star that's going to become Red Giant in the future? It's not even the same orbit due to the orbital decay, why think that this cosmic spot Earth is going to be (December 31st 2024) is exactly the same as the other cosmic spot it used to be (December 31st 2023)? It makes no sense. Everything seems purposeless, after all.

    Yeah, I'm weird.

  • OP - from the responses you've given to many of the replies, it feels like you've lost faith in mankind. As many of us do feel time to time or even all the time. If you haven't tried, try to walk into a church that's left it's doors open for people to walk in whenever (instead of attending a service/ mass, etc.). If you wanted to, you could probably even walk up to someone who works at the church and tell them your frustrations. Usually a church with open doors have a welcoming air.

    At worst, it's another crapshoot. At best, you might find something uniquely different.

67 comments