None of them. They're all pretty terrible. Enshittification has ensured they're literally designed to get in your way and make you feel bad about yourself to try and get your money. Full of flakey people too.
People do find success on them, but the strategy seems to be not to pick one, but to use all of them to the limited extent they let you use them without paying. Get in your six likes for the day or whatever and rotate to the next one and play the numbers game.
There's no such thing as a cool dating app. All are designed to keep you lonely and paying. Dating apps are designed in such a way that makes grifters like Andrew Tate a whole lot of money. If you do choose a dating app, spend the number of swipes you have per day swiping and no more. Remember, dating apps are not designed to get you laid, make you happy, or find you love, they are designed to make money and that's it.
One of the most disheartening things I ever did was just try to cynically play a numbers+sales game on dating apps where you just try to systematically get as many dates as possible and it worked. It did damage to my psyche that I still haven't recovered from. The connections were soulless, awkward, and heart wrenching. I'm mad just thinking about it. I'm better off doing anything else with my time
That is exactly how you're supposed to use dating apps though. These services' purpose is to commodify dating and intimate human connection. On the app, your profile is the packaging that you've created for yourself to market the value that you hold as a human being in hopes that others will think that whatever value they believe they can give to you, also matches the value that you can give to them
You did the "right" thing of treating yourself as a service/product and others as potential clients to sell yourself to
Yeah I feel like early dating websites were a bit better but this is basically the meta for the apps now. I wouldn’t suggest it for most people because it’s a very hollow experience no matter how desirable you are
One of the most disheartening things I ever did was just try to cynically play a numbers+sales game on dating apps where you just try to systematically get as many dates as possible and it worked
The places I had the most luck meeting people have been athletic clubs and college alumni meetups. I'm an old OKCupid head, but managed to get out of the dating game before "superior" alternatives came out. I did meet some girls on there but we never really clicked. Going to actual events and meeting people socially was less stressful and got me in with whole social circles rather than one-offs. I joined a volleyball team with my roommate and ended up going out with a couple of different girls I met in the rec-leagues. They were all fun dates, and while they didn't stick we were on friendly terms for years after.
My sister met her current long-term SO on Tinder, but only after striking out on dozens of guys of varying creepiness. I've got a friend who does the works - Tinder / Bumble / etc - and gets laid regularly but rarely makes it past the third date. But there's definitely some enshitification thats made them worse over time.
Fwiw I found my wife of ~7 years who was my gf for ~3 years prior to that on OkCupid but that was ~10 years ago so maybe at this point it might as well be a different app idk
Went through a long series of bad, horrendous, and occasionally soul crushing dates before that so uh be prepared for it to suck a lot but like the IRA said to Margaret thatcher, we only have to be lucky once
They’re all really bad and soul crushing. I’m not even talking from a perspective of someone that’s not had success, most of these apps push you into maximizing how many potential dates you can get and it’s not healthy. You’re find a lot more happiness developing hobbies and connecting naturally through them rather than juggling dates or the other awful shit women have to go through of trying to determine if the person is just using you for a quick lay
It can be hard if you don’t live in an urban center but even things like reading groups are a very simple way to meet people. Last time I did a book group I was surrounded by middle aged women that were just entirely enamored with a guy there that reads, the bar is very low honestly. With any hobby that involves interacting with others over a long period of time you will have a huge benefit from just not being a crummy person. With women especially there is a huge benefit from just being around enough to show that you aren’t a prick
All my hobbies are solitary and I keep to myself in public.
This is 100% me. I really feel that the West has a bias against introverts, especially introverted men. Like, there's nothing inheritly wrong with enjoying one's own company more, but FFS our culture punishes it.
I was watching a fd signifier video "what makes a man desirable" a person on the show Noah Samson or the dude with the mustache said that he was most successful on that app (hinge) for his creative voice prints because he was able to show his personality
OkCupid still exists and while it's a shell of its former self, people on there tend to be more "different" or "weird" from my experience in a good way. If that's what you're into.
yeah they all suck, so do what fourteeneyes suggested. in my experience ppl on tinder are more interested in hookups while bumble and hinge (more conservatives on hinge) are better for finding a relationship. i found my gf on bumble and it only took a month. and this was after using tinder for 3 months and meeting a bunch of ppl who i liked but were just wanting hookups/fwb and then a small handful of ppl who did want a relationship but one of us wasnt interested. bumble feels a lot more oriented toward relationships
wishing you the best! i hope you have better luck soon
I do a lot of stuff through Meetup. Although the website IS NOT a dating website, so many of the meetup groups are essentially I want to meet sometime to date. The really generic ones like "coffee and chat", "watch films", and "let's hangout" seem to be especially hookup related.
From my experience tinder is basically useless lol, Bumble is good, less matches but way better conversations and more dates. I haven't tried Hinge yet but I hear its supposed to be good. Getting good pics is the most important, I had my photographer friend take some good pics for me. Good luck :)
People keep telling me to use dating apps but it just seems futile because I have no desire to take pictures of myself. They keep saying “it’s not a problem,” butI would immediately be suspicious of accounts where every picture is taken by someone else lol, so maybe I’m projecting. But even the photos taken by other people I hate, so ultimately pointless.
butI would immediately be suspicious of accounts where every picture is taken by someone else lol,
that's kinda strange, tbh. Like, pictures taken by other people are a very good sign. It's accounts where every pic is a selfie that are sus. You don't want any selfies
There are no good apps tinder ruined everything. Back in ye olde times match.com and okcupid were pretty good. Anyway I grew my boyfriend in a test tube.
My only advice is don't spend too long talking to someone who's giving you nothing back. Ditch and move on. Some people just drag conversations on way past the point they should have ended and tbh I never really understood why.
Last time I checked, Craigslist banned personals after Trump signed some law about sex trafficking. It's kinda crap that the result of it was to shut down free personal ads.
i havent used tinder in years but it's probably shit now. the only way to get matches(as a man) was to pay and use superlikes. It got the most attention compared to hoping someone swipes on you. Pretty sure most people mention Hinge now though. Lots of people saying you can't meet anyone on there but I met my gf on tinder and it's been 5 years now soooo yea it's possible. My worst relationship(which ive only been in 3 really) was the one i met in person through friends.
No one mentioned Feeld? Good if you're looking for poly, kinky, or both, and in a metro area. I met someone great I'm still seeing, really quickly, then not much for a while. But then I'm also in a small city, and a bad demographic for dating.