Usually I just talk about some random shit to them and if they feel like participating they will. You’ll be surprised how often this works. Obviously try to think of something you’re both interested in which is generally pretty easy to figure out. If you’re both at a concert just ask who they’re there to watch. If you’re in a video game lobby just use voice chat until someone cool joins in and then send them a friend request after. The key to all this is you need to be actively participating in the whole friendship dance. The other key is overcoming your anxiety if you have it, literally just say fuck it and say hi or whatever. Also if you’re anxious find someone who is also anxious and say something like “this fucking sucks huh?” If you’re at a party. Making friends is easy if you just be yourself as long as yourself is not a cunt
Oh yeah it’s also important to get the fuck out of your house. If you tell me it’s scary outside I will tell you I don’t give a fuck. Why are you letting your anxiety control you, you control your anxiety. You will always have anxiety if you never run at it and scream loud, teach your anxiety to kindly fuck off. So go do shit, go to the local community center, go to a bar, go join a club, so much stuff you can do. Oh and if you tell me there’s nothin out there in the big green world that you like to do other than sit at home? You’re a liar and you’re a dumb dumb. There is at least one thing you can do to get you out of your house and out there with people, I guarantee it.
You apparently have no idea about what anxiety is. Or even anything about people who don't go out much.
This comment has a lot of gee thanks I'm cured energy. Anxiety doesn't work that way dude. So you can fuck off with that
I have OCD, it’s giga anxiety, I know what I’m talking about. The standard for therapy for OCD is exposure response prevention (ERP), you straight up do (or don’t do for the compulsion) the thing or expose to the thing that makes you anxious until it doesn’t. Which is what I mean by run at your anxiety. You would obviously do this in steps so say you are anxious about being trapped in public and having an episode (agoraphobia, common for OCD). You might first start by stepping outside your house and going for a 5 min walk, next 10 min walk, next drive and sit in the parking lot of a Walmart, and so on. This also obviously takes a lot of time, however over this long time your OCD (anxiety) symptoms will lessen until you can control it.
Also if you have OCD DO NOT do self directed ERP, get a professional to direct you. Check out NOCD.com if you’re interested in learning more or need a professional.
Sometimes it does. No advice can ever be one size fits all.
Playing online and chatting is one thing I gotta get used to lol I do play often tho never with voice chat , I’ll start on that for sure lol
I totally get that last part about anxiety and all lol it’s making deeper connections with people that I struggle with I think , strengthening the connections and actually meeting up with them every once in a while lol I’m not bad at conversation or terrible with talking with new people I don’t think it’s really just putting myself out there and trying to actually make a friend instead of letting it all come whenever
So the deeper connections come from hanging out a lot and the stuff that comes with that. So a tip for hanging out a lot is say you’re going to go out to eat, invite people. Text them “hey I’m gonna be at x to eat at x time if you want to join me”. I eat out at least once a week so that’s once a week I have chances to make deeper connections. The people that consistently say yes or try to make time for you are people you’ll want to hang out with more so this will weed out the friends from the close friends.
I personally hate online/multiplayer games for the most part. They don't allow you to become immersed and require much more skill than single-player games
This is what worked for me, I thought I was an introvert but turns out I was an extrovert burdened by mad social anxiety, I made some of my best friends over talking about breaking bad shitposts in a summercamp few years ago (I am a highschooler) than after relizing people apreciated who I was rest came naturaly. I became a lot more social person in general
Think about something you care about, then search for a group that does something about it. If you're lucky, you'll find a local chapter of that group. Then start attending meetings - they might be online or in person - and just slowly get to know the people involved. In the meantime, you'll be involved in an organization doing stuff you care about, which is rewarding on its own.
If you're an adult who is out of school - through organized hobbies.
For me, I like D&D and other RPGs. I moved to a new neighborhood of my city this year and pinged the Discord server of a local game store to organize some games. I was able to get several groups of people together over the next few months, all of whom had a lot in common (gamers), and out of those groups I've made two good friends who I now regularly hang out with in a non-gaming way.
Physical activities that happen in a central location are also great. Rock climbing gyms, adult beer leagues and meetups for activities are some examples.
Basically if you're too socially awkward to just randomly start talking to strangers, try to find a setting that strangers show up to with the primary goal of wanting to do an activity together. Then use interaction during that activity to feel out people who you could be friends with.
My thing is that I don't ever convert the people I do activities with into friends. I'm too focused on the activity. My brain can't multitask like that.
Yeah really my issue is getting people with similar interests and things I guess , I am a bit socially awkward tho I’ve never had trouble making surface level friends, I do gotta try harder in that regard tho going out and actually trying lol thank you!
Check out MeetUp or similar services. I have a friend that moved to a new city and made a bunch of acquaintances and a couple of good friends by just trying out different groups based on her interests.
Permanently Deleted
Hello Danny, I'm Jake.
Hi Jake I’m danny lol
What you up to today Mr. Danny?
I had a crazy stupid moment today. I swore it was Thursday and scrambled to get the house ready for some guests, waited for hours for them to arrive, then realised my mistake. I've had a bunch going on outside of my routine and had no idea I was a day outside of my brain.
My big project over the last couple of months has been figuring out offline open source AI. I'm kinda bummed out. I'm just last the fringe of content people post about on YT as far as entertaining dives into the codebase. Now I can't really spend my down time pretending to learn and expanded my understanding. My down time is now a potential major distraction I need to manage.
Volunteer
Finding interests, then finding others that share that interest.
Meetup.com find a group in your area that you are interested in then you have the ice breaker sorted because you are there for the same thing. If you like the vibe go again, if not find a new group.
I'm in a medieval reenactment group called the Society of Creative Anachronism that has pretty much any period activity you'd want to do. I do my best to show up to meetings, practices, and events. This has helped me meet people from many walks of life, but a common feature is that they're passionate about some kind of craft and like to learn new things.
Bold of you to think that I do
They just appear, idk, I don't do anything, just respond to conservation normally
Yeah tbh I get that and I have people I talk with I guess , tho none I would consider close or anything I guess no one I talk to or hang out with on a regular basis lol
Yeah, same. But I guess there are unrealistic expectations of "friends" from childhood and tv shows
Try going to a trivia night at a local bar.
I don’t drink much tbh I smoke more than anything lol used to bar hop a few years ago but never really tried getting to know anyone there , I guess really it’s how people get out of their shell lol
You don't have to drink to go to a trivia night in most places and it is a good place to meet people. That's how I met one of my good friends and we play trivia together every week and hang out other times related to music cuz we're both musicians
Depends on how old you are. Making friends take two to tango. If the other person doesn’t seem keen it might not be personal. They might just not be in that frame of mind.
Can’t say for yourself. If I was single and childless. I have a remote job so don’t see anyone. But I would start going to company social events. I would pick a social sport so there’s the added bonus of exercise. Wild one but perhaps getting a weekend job. If it’s somewhere chilled with likeminded staff and hobbies. If it doesn’t work you made money and get a dose of socialising if it’s people facing.
I’m thinking book store, music shop or even charity/festival volunteering
I'm trying to meet people irl by going to events that involve my interests. There are some upcoming events, but they're months away from now.
I don't. People are stupid and confusing. My name is Korvo. I'm the one holding the pupa. This is my show. I just dropped the pupa. This is ridiculous. I hate earth. It's a horrible home.
I play in a golf league so get to talk to different people every week. My wife also drags me to all sorts of community events so we meet plenty of people there.
Social hobbies: dancing lessons, martial arts, etc.
Kava bars. Meet lots of weird and interest people. Both young and old.
I grew up in the US and I’ve had the same friend group since elementary and middle school. I ended up just leaving the country and everyone is so much more sociable now
Preferably I wouldn't.
Imagine someone you never seen before walk up to you and says "Hello." Whatever you were thinking about is now irretrievably lost. Furthermore you now have to reply. Since it's not text, you gotta do it quickly. And quickly without thinking you reply "potato", realize what you just said, and awkwardly walk away.
Insert something about first impressions
People aren't going to be honest. The reality is that as an adult, you really don't.
This isn't true, I've made more friends in my 30s than at any other time in my life.
The best way to meet people is through shared interests and seeing the same people regularly over and over, without having to make arrangements beforehand. I met most of my current friends through work and music. I love my job and it attracts really interesting people. I love drum and bass and am lucky to live in the epicentre of the dnb scene, so I see the same people over and over again at events. My network of people has just grown from there.
