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EstraDoll [she/her, he/him] @hexbear.net

Ho_Chi_Chungus finally stops pretending to be cis and has goddamn visions about it: Trans Megathread from February 25th, 2025 to March 3rd, 2025

Good afternoon, trans mega! The end of this week, march 2nd, marks the one year anniversary of the moment it finally clicked that I wasn't cis, and in celebration I wanted to host this week's trans mega. I don't really have a ton to post about that interesting, but I thought it would be fun to tell the story of the moment I realized I was trans, a moment so unbelievable that I swear even I felt it was made up but I was there and know what I saw

For months prior I had been attempting to really dig into what was wrong with me emotionally, sorting through old child trauma that I never addressed but getting dissatisfied when I couldn't quite answer what was wrong with me but I could feel it building up. I even (half jokingly) said that I wouldn't be surprised if I ended up as a trans woman in the future. Fast forward to another boring day at the employment factory on March 1st, 2024. I had been visibly miserable and distracted all week, as I could feel the weight of the shoe that was about to drop coming. My coworker had been saying some vocally transphobic BS to where I just quietly nodded on and didn't agree but didn't feel like voicing my disagreement either, but it felt... almost personal. My best friend I've known as a trans woman for years at that point, but it felt... really personal

I went home and got drunk as per unfortunately usual, and several drinks in, I was venting to a friend of mine about gender thoughts finally got the internal courage to say what I always felt like: "I'm not cis". It was... obviously a lot to take in, even as someone who a decade prior voiced her grievances with having to live with the label "cis male". I don't remember much else about that night other than the extreme feeling of confusion about "what now?"

And now for the real fun part:

I woke up the following morning on March 2nd, 2024 hungover and as usual, and when I looked up, I saw her

I had no idea who this woman was or what was happening to me but I swear to the gods in that moment I was having visions of a woman I had never seen before. I was unnerved at first but slowly my eyes and mind adjusted to what I was seeing. I examined her more closely. Her jawline made her clockable enough to where I could tell she was a trans woman, but when I looked up at her eyes? Oh gods, her eyes. I had never seen someone's eyes so big and full of life before. Just looking into her eyes I could tell she was just so incredibly happy with herself. She looked to be a few years older than me, had my hair color and texture, looked like my mother, and stood atop a hill overlooking waves of Douglas fir trees

I stared at her for as long as I could keep the image of her in view until she faded away, when I felt the completely uncoerced compulsion to ask aloud to literally no one else in my room: "Was that her?"

Join our public Matrix server!

https://matrix.to//#/tracha-space:transfem.dev

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669 comments

  • I talked about this on tracha but never officially posted on the mega and so I thought I should mention: as of February 18th, 2025, I am officially on T!

  • broke: transitioning is about presentation and performance

    woke: transitioning is about fixing the neurological disconnect between brain and body with hormones

    bespoke: transitioning is about shifting your center of mass

  • Wtf, I didn’t get visions.

    I was just a kind of an awkward and quiet/shy kid in high school.
    I never really pursued dating or romance or hookups.
    I started talking more to strangers online from websites and forming a friend group and that’s kind of where a lot of questioning began.

    I had until that point always assumed I was straight because I was attracted to girls, but I began having seemingly romantic feelings for one of my guy friends online.
    He would like pseudo-flirt with me and it gave me butterflies.
    I remember looking up yaoi at one point to see if it did anything for me and it did (from the art style it seemed kind of dated even for the time I wonder if I can track it down).
    I also came to the realization that all the times I had been watching or reading or looking at straight porn I had been subconsciously self-inserting as the woman instead of the man.

    β€œHuh, I must be like…bi or gay or something” I thought

    I began online dating said internet friend and my life as a lil’ gay boy began.


    There was a brief time in high school where I had tried to be more β€œmanly” (as much as a wimp at 5’3 can at least), but that had came to an end at this point and I think some people took notice.
    I had two friends who were bisexual (a boy and a girl) and I would kind of joke to them about certain male celebrities being cute…I never explicitly came out to either of them (about sexuality or gender identity),but in retrospect I think it was kind of obvious, they would tease me and say how cute it was when I got mad

    Anyway, the online romance continued with the friend online and we had kind of developed a thing where we would post characters from a yuri ship with each of us sort of being represented by one of the girls.
    Another one of our friends at the time noticed this and asked me at one point if I was trans in a DM.
    I kind of laughed it off and just said it was a cute thing we did because we related to the characters.

    Fast forward a couple days, maybe a week and I’m playing Runescape.
    I’m doing the Recruitment Drive quest and get to the part where you have to change your character’s gender to a girl at the Make-Over Mage in order to beat a boss.
    I keep playing for a bit as a girl because I don’t have the money to change back yet and I want to continue the quest line, but every time someone calls me she/her or the old knight calls me β€œlass” it gives me pause.
    I remember picking up my phone and responding to the old message from my other friend and just going β€œβ€¦.maybe”

    So yeah,
    That’s my story about how Yuri and Yaoi plus RuneScape transed my gender

  • I know I’m trying to turn a new page and stuff, but I still kind of feel a sense of shame/embarrassment that people I went to high school with saw me in a skirt and frilly blouse even tho they were all cool with it seemingly.

    People seem to keep gendering me correctly tho.
    Went to lunch with my mom and the waitress referred to us as β€œladies” and the flight attendant at the airport called me β€œMiss last name”

  • Multiple people have called my new, androgynous voice "cute," including someone I'm cwushing on

  • thank you for sharing that story estradoll it's absolutely beautiful. really touched me and warmed my heart. brings me joy to see you really being yourself on here the last year or so.

  • openly transfemme co-worker moving across country with little planning/some resources, no job lined up. taking her bestie with her who is also my manager lol. so work is gonna be rough as my very young, former assistant tries to take over while we are down two full timers

    She probably made an iffy decision short term (no job, little planning, no experience living on her own) but great long term (going to a place that might be the last bastion of many things, both social, economic and climate related)

    promised her friend my old PC. with parts taking forever to get in stock i'm going to have my new one ready at the last possible second before they roll out

    at least they have a place to stay lined up found through an LGBT friendly network.

    edit: i am happy for her. she has a supportive family she lives with, the move is get to a state that hopefully protects her medical rights better. i wish her luck and hope her cis friend (my x manager) keeps his shit together

  • how do you go about meeting trans people in your area? I'm not really interested in dating (though I am open to it πŸ‘€), I just want to meet other people who may have had similar experiences to mine

    it it weird to seek out explicitly trans people in the first place? πŸ€”

  • Transition update:

    I've got breasts now!

    Fat distribution is still in early stages, but I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror while showering this morning and didn't feel completely terrible.

    Voice training is slow going, owing to how little I speak in my day to day life.

    On a less excited note: my HRT prescription is tangled in local bureaucracy right now as neither the gender service or local GP are sure who's supposed to be writing the prescriptions. This is an ongoing issue that I intend to settle once and for all this week.

  • I might’ve had my first certified bimbo moment folx. I got in my car, and started looking myself in the mirror. I end up doing this for a few minutes, and when I’m done, realize I don’t know where the key is. I spend a few more minutes looking for it, and once I decide it might be under the seat, I open the door to get out, and all the doors unlock. I sit there confused and a bit worried for a near full minute, until I remembered this car does that when you open a door and the key is already in the ignition!

  • Got 'mija'd by my mom just now while cooking beans, said it before but there's something nice about spanish pronouns and stuff like that. Don't know if anyone else can relate to pronoun usage in different language here tho but if you do please confirm what I'm feeling. Also wondering if the pronouns stuff is ever like ella but not she/her if that makes sense.

669 comments