Good afternoon, trans mega! The end of this week, march 2nd, marks the one year anniversary of the moment it finally clicked that I wasn't cis, and in celebration I wanted to host this week's trans mega. I don't really have a ton to post about that interesting, but I thought it would be fun to tell the story of the moment I realized I was trans, a moment so unbelievable that I swear even I felt it was made up but I was there and know what I saw

For months prior I had been attempting to really dig into what was wrong with me emotionally, sorting through old child trauma that I never addressed but getting dissatisfied when I couldn't quite answer what was wrong with me but I could feel it building up. I even (half jokingly) said that I wouldn't be surprised if I ended up as a trans woman in the future. Fast forward to another boring day at the employment factory on March 1st, 2024. I had been visibly miserable and distracted all week, as I could feel the weight of the shoe that was about to drop coming. My coworker had been saying some vocally transphobic BS to where I just quietly nodded on and didn't agree but didn't feel like voicing my disagreement either, but it felt... almost personal. My best friend I've known as a trans woman for years at that point, but it felt... really personal

I went home and got drunk as per unfortunately usual, and several drinks in, I was venting to a friend of mine about gender thoughts finally got the internal courage to say what I always felt like: "I'm not cis". It was... obviously a lot to take in, even as someone who a decade prior voiced her grievances with having to live with the label "cis male". I don't remember much else about that night other than the extreme feeling of confusion about "what now?"

And now for the real fun part:

I woke up the following morning on March 2nd, 2024 hungover and as usual, and when I looked up, I saw her

I had no idea who this woman was or what was happening to me but I swear to the gods in that moment I was having visions of a woman I had never seen before. I was unnerved at first but slowly my eyes and mind adjusted to what I was seeing. I examined her more closely. Her jawline made her clockable enough to where I could tell she was a trans woman, but when I looked up at her eyes? Oh gods, her eyes. I had never seen someone's eyes so big and full of life before. Just looking into her eyes I could tell she was just so incredibly happy with herself. She looked to be a few years older than me, had my hair color and texture, looked like my mother, and stood atop a hill overlooking waves of Douglas fir trees

I stared at her for as long as I could keep the image of her in view until she faded away, when I felt the completely uncoerced compulsion to ask aloud to literally no one else in my room: "Was that her?"

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