NSFW: I am a trans girl who is drunk and high at the same time, AMA!
Give me your worst, Lemmy! Absolutely nothing is off limits. Let’s get fucking weird!
I post this here because /c/iama doesn’t seem to be a thing…
Don’t hold back you jerks!
EDIT: It’s just about 05:00 for me. Night night! I’ll answer any other questions. In a few hours!
What's the hardest part of being out as trans, other than the obvious transphobes? The subtle stuff most people don't think about, I mean.
Not the OP, but if you are soliciting opinions...
For me it's the fact that nobody really believes us when we talk about our issues or even the things we personally experience. Even well meaning people, even friends, immediately assume that we are exaggerating or imagining things when we talk, or assume they know better about what is or is not harmful to us.
Like the obvious hateful transphobes are one thing. But getting that attitude from people one knows personally is tiring and more than a little scary.
This may not apply to you but I might be able to offer some perspective from the other side here. I've been very close with someone through their 3+ years transitioning. I often had to tell my friend that situation she is complaining about was not transphobic or say "ok so what?"
In the beginning she would receive lots of weird looks, rude comments and misgendering. These would crush her and when she thought she was making good progress these comments would drag her back to square one. I understand how traumatizing that must have been.
But as the transition got more underway and she passed better this was happening less and less but my friend still held those insecurities and kept seeing weird looks and finding "rude" comments in places where they didn't exist. This obviously didn't change how they felt but I think its important for them to understand that this was in their head and can be solved by them being more confident. I gave their examples leeway and only battled on situations where I was very confident but I'm sure there were times I dismissed legitimate complaints.
She's settled now and is living her life normally only rarely getting slapped with a transphobic comment and when that happens can take it in her stride.
I believe that yas girling every complaint is unhealthy and does not promote growth. The people around you need to disagree with you and ground you in reality sometimes. And sometimes trans people's complaint are exaggerated or imagined.
This part may be a hot take but I think even when a trans person did receive a mean comment it can be fine to dismiss their complaints. If they are years into transition and getting upset over someone being mean then they need to find a way to cope better because it's not healthy to let people you don't care about have that kind emotional power over you.
That sounds terrible. I'm sorry you go through that. internet hugs
For me, the hardest part is trying to figure out where I belong. In Viet culture, at a party, the guys hang with the guys, and the girls with the girls. Even when I put a full face on, I never feel like I am one of the girls. It doesn’t help that everyone knew me before I came out. So I don’t fit in anywhere. It’s lonely. My sister Chi Man tries to help, but I am usually the odd one out. This has been going on for years now, so I have tried to make peace with it. This is a lonely life. With that said, I do not regret my decision to live as the person I am meant to be.
All I need in this life is my son and my best friend. That is enough for me.
I'm glad you have a good relationship with your son. :) I'm one of those weirdos that's super close with my mom, and it's an absolutely awesome relationship to have a parent that you're close with. Not enough people get that.
I prefer MacOS overall. Explain to me why I am so wrong!
My rPi is obvs on Debian, but does Plex really count?
Mac on the laptop + Linux on the server = pure heaven.
I can’t because I’m still using my old Mac Pro 2013 with other Apple products.
It was only 2 years ago that I replaced my late-2010 unibody MacBook. Add an SSD and 16GB of ram; it will make your machine feel somewhat modern. Officially, they support up to 8GB (I think) of ram, though OWC seems to say otherwise. Dosdude1 has utitlities that can get newer versions of MacOS to run on older hardware. I had Catalina running with no issues on my old MacBook. Though, VMs didn’t like it.
Because Windows is just better.
GOTCHA!!! Obviously, the reason is because any Linux Distro is not only free, installable anywhere, much more compatible with everything and much more open, but can also be configured to look and have features like MacOS.
Mac is solid. My only complaint is that they require you to install third party programs or use command line for configuring things such as turning off mouse acceleration.
For anything artistic, Mac is the way to go 100%. I'm a Linux person myself, but Mac would be my second choice for software development, as I could at least use a bash-like command line natively.
As long as you don’t use a Mac in a business environment
Your opinion on programmer socks?
Hold up, are we talking about those knee high socks that don’t match with any clothing what-so-ever??
What's your opinion of the designated hitter rule in major league baseball?
Eh, I guess it’s ok. I don’t feel one way or another about it.
What's the weirdest thing that's happened to you since coming out as trans?
Let's find the benchmark for making the questions weird.
That is a great question!
I need to preface this by saying that my entire friend group is Viet.
In Viet culture, male and female roles are explicitly defined. That means that, generally, the girls hang with the girls, and the guys hang with the guys.
The weirdest part is kind of sad. I don’t fit in with the girls because I am not feminine enough, and the guys try to grab my tits as a joke. I don’t belong anywhere.
My best friend, Chi Man is the one that helps me stay grounded to this earth.
Otherwise, it’s the usual contract custodian doesn’t get a good look at me, so they warn me about going into the men’s room at work (where I was specifically told to go )
[edit: sp] Hi! Also a trans girl. (But only high on caffeine, and not drunk because it's end of the month and I'm broke.) Let's get to the question that really, really defines the future.
What are the best and coolest locomotives? (don't need to be the same! and often aren't!) 🚆
I am a huge fan of AbroadInJapan. I’d be really curious to try the night train!
Here is an alternative Piped link(s): https://piped.video/channel/UCHL9bfHTxCMi-7vfxQ-AYtg
Piped is a privacy-respecting open-source alternative frontend to YouTube.
I'm open-source, check me out at GitHub.
Not op, and chiming in for my kid, but the Southern Pacific, Daylight is a nice looking engine/color scheme (gs-4 engine). Personally, I like the balloon stack of the Jupiter. (We like steam here)
In the next few years, we'll travel out to see the 4449 in action, and although I'm not very into trains, my kid's excitement will be contagious, it's great.
I’m just here to talk about Rampart.
Tonight was a lot of beer + a lot of Hennessy VSOP + some really really good coke. Give me your worst, Lemmy. Reddit used to pick me apart. Try and see if you can!
Because the topic is NSFW : How did transition impacted your sex-life ?
That’s a great question!
Transitioning left me with a tiny “dating” pool. Most of my “dates” were with chasers on Grindr or Taimi.
Except for the 2 sexual assaults, I’ve been fine with serving my purpose. After the 2nd rape, though, I gave up on casual encounters and dating in general. I haven’t had an actual relationship with anyone in about 7 years.
I will likely never meet someone who likes me for me. It took me YEARS to accept this difficult truth. It contributes to my depressive episodes all of the time.
I’d rate myself as a 6/10 on a good day. It’s just really hard to find guys that are interested in me beyond the fetish that they see. It’s easier to give up.
What's your opinion on Baldurs Gate 3?
Gotta be totally honest…The last console game I played seriously was COD WWll. Shipment was the tits until hackers got in. These days, I am as casual as 2048. Though, depressive episodes (thanks, bipolar 2), take most joy away from me. If my mind worked right, i don’t even know what game I’d like to play. Maybe Zelda, since the last one I played was ocarina of time on 64 about 22 years ago.
If you ever have the time, Zelda: Breath of The Wild is essentially a continuity reboot and a great place to jump back in to the series imo. Tears of The Kingdom is its direct sequel and just recently released and both games are massive with tons of content, but also enjoyable in short spurts. The gameplay is quite different from Ocarina of Time, but a lot of the core design philosophy is clearly still pursuing the same goals.
It helped pull me a little out of my own funk recently.
Console?
How are/were you able to answer all of the questions in such a coherent manner, going as far to properly using markdown for certain responses? (Coming from a person who hasn't had experience with getting high)
I’m not quite sure to be honest. The hangover was, and still is, insane. I shouldn’t have been able to form coherent thoughts, let alone proper formatting.
I guess my question's always been that since gender is (to my incomplete understanding) a social construct and can change, and transgender people seek to change to a gender that feels more appropriate, how did you (a) know what felt right, (b) that what felt right wasn't completely appropriate for your gender and the active definition of gender needed to change, and (c) where does chemical and surgical transition factor in for a gender based thing when attempting to find for comfortable self? Because that seems like a sex (in the clinical terminology) thing as much as a gender one (which of course there's probably a connection, I guess I'm just not clear where the line really breaks.)
To be clear, I think my questions are entirely too "rationalizing a deep emotional and person thing" so I don't really expect an answer, I've just never been invited to address the question to anyone before.
Not OP, but gender identity is a real biological thing that is linked to brain chemistry. Gender expression is the social construct. Sex is your body phenotype, which correlates to your genotype.
Thank you, I think that helps parse out where I was unclear. There's specifics in the language at play. It makes me wonder how often bad actors prevention of even small distinctions being discussed has made it muddier and harder for everyone else.
Prove the Generalized Stokes Theorem.
So there was this guy, named Stokes. And, in 1966, pick up sticks, he proved that it was actually better to leave the bottle of ketchup upside-down. Pretty sure he won the Noble Prize, plus American Idol for that discovery.
You forgot the most important part: the QED.
If stuff go in stuff must go out
And how I’ve gotten massively nerd sniped when I should be doing other stuff. Great!
I had to look up "nerd sniping", I've been there. If it makes you feel any better, the Generalized Stokes' Theorem has a proof, e.g. it is a solved problem, it just requires a lot of reading.
I flipped through a few books in my e-library and found that Manifolds, Tensors, And Forms by Paul Renteln has two equivalent proofs starting on pg. 164. That was the "soonest" I could find the proof appearing in the books I know have a proof, e.g. building on the least material. IMO it's an "easy" book compared to other books I've read on manifolds and differential forms. There's a copy on LibGen.
Dammit now I want to go read my books :)
What's the trick to making a good grill cheese sandwich?
Whatever you do, do not use mayo.
This is patently incorrect! Mayo on the outside is the best grilled cheese exterior!
finally! whoever told me to use Mayo on the outside is a clown. i ruined both a sandwich and mayo at the same time!
I used to ride flatland 20 years ago. I still have a DK Opsis that I bought in 2012 I think. I rarely ride these days. I really wanted to learn to do a whopper.
Do you like anchovies?
To be honest, I’ve never had them. Though, I eat the weirdest Viet and Laos cuisine, so maybe I would like them?
Thanks! I like them on pizza, but I really love them on crackers with some cheese and olives.
High on what and why?
Usually, I take edibles. They slow my mind down enough to relax and possibly sleep. Tonight, however, I’ve had some very good cocaine.
Fun fact: In Vietnamese, we call it trang. It’s pronounced like Chan + g in English! Think John, but with a Ch! Then add a “g” at the end. That is the best way I can say it. I can also teach you to curse if you are interested!
Edit: It occurs to me that I did not post a “why”. Why am I high? Because the meds they give don’t help enough. So I use alcohol and coke, on the weekends, to fill the void.
Am I trans?
I cannot tell you, obvs. My perspective is as a MTF trans person, so bear that in mind.
For me, my exgirlfriend point-blank asked me: Do you think you are a girl? Suddenly most of my life made sense. I said: Maybe?
Are you trans? I cannot tell you. What I can tell you is this: find a therapist. Find a omeone you feel safe with talking about your identity. Will they be able to tell you? No. But they can help you navigate this field.
I wish you luck!
Do not be afraid of discovering that you are not trans. It’s ok! You have a community within the LGBTQ folks, no matter what. Listen to your heart.
I envy your wisdom! Thank you!
Not OP, but to chime in:
It’s not quite as simple, but one of the thoughts that confirmed it to me was “if I had a button I could push, and overnight my body would change to an ideal body opposite my gender, and I woke up knowing the social norms and being treated exactly as that gender was, would I want to do that”?
Once I realized I would, the question just changed to “there are health and social concerns that come with it now, it takes forever, and you may never hit your idealized image. Are you still in?”
Once I realized I was, it was just slow steps to test the waters. Change my online profiles. Go by a different name. Start to ask for my pronouns to be different with my friends and family. Eventually I’m on HRT.
What's your favourite alcoholic beverage?
I love a good White Russian 😎
Ah yes. The Caucasian!
What is your reaction/view to Chris Chan being acquitted and basically being the new OJ Simpson?
I don’t know who Chris Chan is, sorry.
That's excellent. Keep it that way.
Can we each ask you more than one question?
Wow congratulations…
?? Cool?
would you say you're more on the drigh side or the hunk side?
I definitely was. Now I’m waiting for the edibles I just took to kick in.
Steak, chicken, pork or veg?
It’s funny. Tonight, my big sis, Chi Man, had to tell me to put the chicken bone down.
For me, I don’t much care what protein it is. I absolutely hate wasting food. So for me, getting the meat, cartilage and marrow out of each bone of a meat I eat is the best part.
If I can help it, eggs are the only protein I desire. Mi Co + eggs and salad is my go-to meal after work.
Sorry for the Amazon links. I’m still drunk, and that is easier to find.
How's the weather where you are?
Right now the weather is pretty mild. I live in Michigan, and experienced the worst storms I’ve ever seen on Thursday. I consider myself lucky to be alive!
Ayyy, a fellow trans Michigander! Glad you made it through Thursday, it was pretty wild. Not too bad where I’m at but directly around me got pretty hammered.
Dang. I thought the worst Michigan had to deal with now was the smoke from the Canadian forest fires.
It's been unseasonably hot here in Japan, and I'm in the north part that usually doesn't experiences heat this intense. Doesn't help air conditioning isn't standard here, and I'm been stuck in front of my fan trying to stay cool.
Are you...?
These days? I’m a good girl.
The Jessica from 6-12 months ago? Well, she got high every day, and pursued validation through dangerous rendezvouses. I didn’t care if I was meeting a guy at his house, in the basement. All that mattered to me was being used and thrown away.
These days, I do not date at all. I have made peace with the fact that I likely will never meet a man who likes me for who I am, rather than the fetish that he chases.
You'll find someone who loves you for you.
What is your favorite movies/TV shows?
Is there anything you like that maybe I as an American may not have heard of?
Some of my favorite shows are:
Movies:
The TV shows are great. The movies can fuck your mind!
Wow, that's really awesome. I haven't seen any of them, save for the first episode of game of thrones and some of the flight of the Conchords shows.
I'll have to take a look at them.
Did you transition for getting approval from your peers?
