You are now a duck, what do you do first??
You are still you, you can speak human language that you already know, and you know how to speak duck.
You have to learn how to be a duck. This means you gotta learn how to fly, hunt food, etc.
I’d walk to a lemonade stand to see if they had any grapes.
Then (and I cannot emphasize this enough) I'd waddle away.
Till the very next day?
It's been 84 years...
Put on a blue cap, blue nautical shirt; but, and I can't stress this enough, NO PANTS.
But for gods sake, wrap yourself in a towel after you shower.
Hand cover your crotch if someone walks in on you
Quack
Quack?!
Quack.
QUAAAAACCCKKK....!!!
FLY!
Damn, 3 hour old post and no one said FLY!? Ya’all need to be ducks more often…
This guy ducks
Autocorrect has its moment of glory!
Quack
Came here to read this comment
Quack
Came here to quack, was not disappointed
Murder.
Peace was never an option.
Pick one person at a time and speak to them in human language. In some cases it will be to give them a special magical friend, in other cases it will be to cause them to question their sanity.
Then I'd get to seeing about this whole corkscrew dick thing.
Depends, am I a horse-sized duck? I might have some people to fight
I see you're a person of culture.
rape
Head downtown & act cute until a college girl adopts me as her pet. Duck-nuzzle some boobies.
Got any grapes?
I would learn to fly and then fly to one of those parks where secret service agents meet. Become a spy and sell the intelligence I gather.
Fly into bohemian grove.
Peace was never an option.
Check if my quack has an echo
Failing that:
Cover my feathers in wax like substance from my ass glands. Once I'm all waxed up I go for a swim.
I’d float around in the water as my body would now resemble a boat.
I find someone with a corkscrew fetish.
Find /u/fuckswithducks
Pretty sure I'd drop my phone.
Fly into the sunset.
Typically a demo flight at an airport is like $100. Go do that, too!
I would have an exploding corkscrew penis. I'll find ways to entertain myself.
Probably contacting some media outlets to try and monetize my talking-duck status, and wondering if if my life expectancy is on par with duck or human.
Do you want to end up being dissected in a government lab? Because that's how you get dissected in a government lab.
Betray my country.
Probably make a poo on the floor.
Either mine or in the hallway (if I know how to open the door).
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JERRY, NO MINECRAFT! I'M TRYING TO SLEEP!
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I’d head straight to Subway for my free sandwich!
Probably open up my phone and pull up youtube to watch some duck documentaries. I don't even know what I'm supposed to be eating or what things out there are usually wanting to eat me.
There are some really good "I just woke up as a duck" tutorials on Coursera.
Avoid the ones on Wiki How, they are repurposed courses originally intended for people who woke up as a chicken.
The first thing is probably quack.. I would love to fly to someone in the park working on something and solve the issue for them. I'd like to be known as a helpful duck.
I start wondering if I'm ugly.
I suppose I'd duck.
Immediately make a joke about quacking up.
Quack.
Rake in the lake
It's a lovely day, and you are a horrible goose
Attack someone with a sandwich
Fly south
Hockey.
I'd duck. Then I would probably duck some more.
There could be more to it than that - like take up ballet.
Here is an alternative Piped link(s):
Piped is a privacy-respecting open-source alternative frontend to YouTube.
I'm open-source; check me out at GitHub.
Rape
The question implies that you would still have your human brain, not that you would think like an actual duck.
Still rape