What's an absurd luxury you pine for?

A maid. I really don’t like cleaning. I’m not very good at it. I miss a lot of things. I don’t have the attention span, etc. I do it because I have to. I don’t want to live in swallow but gosh, it would be nice to have somebody cleaning my house for me even if it’s just once a month.

Eggs

Free healthcare.

A large property in the woods with a river running through it. I can literally setup my own mini power generation source if the stream is powerful enough. So I get to at least be partly off-grid.

A proper (CNC) milling machine and lathe, like ones you can work hardened steel with. Lots of better things you could buy for that money, but with a mill and lathe i could make those things for even more money!
Edit: oh and a proper garage/hobby room to put them in

Having a paid off mortgage

A house
- I have a house. But it's old and decaying. I want a well-engineered, modern house with great interior design and lots of space. I want to be able to put the couch in the center of the room instead of putting it up against a wall.
  
  I see the confusion here. Your mixing well engineered with modern.
  I see houses all the time that are brand new construction or within the last 10 to 15 years perhaps all the way back to 08. The materials used are not what they used to be, regulations have gotten tighter and to cut costs contractors are building lesser quality homes. Everything creaks, is loose, cheap particle board and cheap plywood.
  There is very little pride in craftsmanship in Contrustion, Contractor Work. Raw materials are of weaker quality and higher cost. If anyone is looking for quality housing look for pre 2008 homes. While this isn't a blanket statement, it covers 80 percent or more of modern housing that isn't concrete.
  
  My house is 1982 and my couch is in the center of the room hell yeah

one of those freeze dryers to make infinite crunchy Skittles
They're so good but so expensive and the machine is like $3,000 😭
Also one of those ~$500 IPL permanent hair removers

10,000 acres of land in the northern mountains, with all associated rights (mineral, water, etc.).
I really, really, really don't want to have neighbors. I already live in a rural area, and I still have neighbors 1/4 mile away that blast their music at 11pm loud enough to make out the lyrics. I want to be able to see the stars at night with no light pollution, and see wildlife that's barely seen people.

Unconditional love and support
- Get a dog, you big lovable jerk.
  
  I love the conditional love of my kibby. Conditional love is great when the conditions are easy to fulfill.
  1: feed me
  2: water me
  3: scoop my poops
  4: love me, but not too much
- That's not a luxury, it's free.

A house with a yard in a city with good subway access
- What color do you want your dragon?
- Staten Island NYC
  
  Staten island is the only part of New York City without subway access.
- Damn. Yeah

free time
- or any money at all, i can only seem to get one of the two

Kitty holsters. A kitten in a holster on each side. Ready for anything as long as i got my kitty holsters
- I fucking love this
- How about a hammock chest holster, so you're always snuggling?

Air travel where I'm treated better than a livestock transport.
- Luxury hack: just add money /s
  
  This is an efficient method, yes, but it's doable without money: If you fly enough you rack up enough bonus points to upgrade for free.
  Source: Done it plenty of times. If the flight is four hours or more, that's when I consider spending my points.

A full, refreshing night of sleep every night.

20 million dollars and a company idea

Weekly pedicures.
- That's actually pretty attainable!

No weeds in my garden. Kinda how the Teletubbies never dealt with crabgrass.

A flying car like on the Jetsons.

A personal datacenter with 3-digit terabytes of storage, terabytes of RAM, and 3-digit CPUs. Unless I win the lottery (and the safe withdraw rate on these investments are high enough), I won't be getting any of this.

Ah, I see you have a Samsung refrigerator.
- My Thermador is no different, shitty ice maker.

Private Jet. Not because I want to live like a billionaire but because I friggin hate going through TSA and lately every time I travel the airlines seem to have little value-add over just driving.
- TSA Precheck. Yes, it’s borderline extortion but it really is a LOT faster and more stress free at major hubs.
  
  I'm already waiting for my interview. But it's more than that. It's having to go through it at all. It's their treatment of people. It's the super spreader event that is an aircraft and an airport. It's the treatment of people by the airlines and the whole schedule thing. It's dealing with other passengers. I live in Florida, yup the crazy one. In the last four flights I've taken it took 20 hours to get home from Canada, 36 hours to get home from Tennessee and 15 hours to get home from Colorado. I mean WTF!
  I took a private airplane once and I parked for free at Signature services, walked into a, large mostly empty lobby area with free cookies and got on the plane. When I got back, the crew, and I swear I'm not making it up, actually brought out a red carpet. It was ridiculously short, like 2 feet, with a ridiculously short velvet rope to match it. I walked through the same lobby, grabbed a cookie and hopped in my car and went home. That was it. Friggin fantastic. I do admit this was prior to 9/11. Since I'm not privy to such treatment normally I've never taken another private flight so I don't know how much has changed. But THAT'S the way to travel... unless the OP meant something like a teleporter instead.
  Also I'm not sure it's borderline extortion. Feels like flat out extortion, but I see your point.

A personal library. A room dedicated to the purpose.
- I just bought a house with a 12x12 room in the back of the upstairs for my gf to create exactly this. She loves it. Has a rocking chair, blanket, and a half dozen bookcases filled up.
  I hope you get the same one day!
- I've wanted someone to invent this for years.
  It looks like a blank book. Pages feel and smell like paper. Insert a disc and text appears on the pages. Any book you want with the feel of a book and the convenience of an e-reader.

there is a pocket star trek novel i can't find a physical copy for less than 100 US dollars called "a stitch in time". for some reason they won't reprint it (they released an audiobook recently but i don't personally like reading books that are not physical paper books).
- Yea I bought it on a whim when it came out cause I love DS9 and Garak. I've seen them as high as 200. Its crazy.
- Yeah, my copy is in decent condition, and I've had offers of 200 for it.
  Alas, I'm a giant geek and refuse to sell it
- TIL those are out of print and valuable. Most of mine were ex-library copies bought for 50¢ each. I guess I should have kept getting them more diligently, since it sounds like now it would be difficult for me to complete my collection.
- Keep an eye out at thrift shops-- I've seen huge tranches of Star Trek novels.
  
  Upvoted just because I've been meaning to look up the definition of tranche and you reminded me. Thank you. :)
- Rule of Acquisition #3: Never spend more on an acquisition than you have to
- Ugh me too!

Having all my teeth.
- "Luxury Bones"

Heated foot bath. They're not that expensive, but its real roman emperor hours if you work from home and can have a jacuzzi for your feet.

A well designed back yard with a gardener to help keep it nice and tidy. I fucking love flowers and landscaping, but I just can't do it myself.

Watches, sadly. There some beautiful pieces, and somehow the industry figured out how to ask for a house’s worth of money for some of them
- I got this for $70 online. It's from china and probably isn't well made but I absolutely love watching the little wheel go back and forth
  
  it's sooo pretty!
  (I messed it up the 2nd timezone when daylight savings time happened lol)
- Some magnificent pieces can be had for "only" used cars prices.
  
  The one i have and love the most originally would have cost as much as my first car 15 years ago :D

Infinate free time

Proper espresso bar with a good grinder, machine, and all the meme accessories
- Don't let your memes be dreams. I have a budget set up and definitely make better espresso than most cafes.
  
  Once you get good at it at home, it gets hard to justify buying coffee out, ever. Paying like $6 USD for something you can make better at home.

Fresh clean sheets on a well made bed daily.

A nugget ice machine. Nuggets ice is the perfect chewing ice - not too hard it will crack teeth, even consistency unlike crushed ice, firm like tight packed snow. It's like chewing on frosty heaven.
But it's absurdly expensive for what little it does. At least a couple hundred dollars for a counter top ice maker that does nothing but make perfect ice.
- I bought a tabletop ice maker from Costco for $80 three years ago, and have never ever regretted it. It doesn't pull a lot of power and works pretty fast.
  The downside is cleaning it, it's cheap so you can't easily break it down and rebuild it, so you've got to get creative.
  Edit: I see you said "nugget" now, (which I don't exactly know what that means), but these ice pieces are not rock hard like refrigerator ice, fwiw.
- I will never regret having purchased one, after leveraging the cost of getting drinks from Sonic to have access to the ice it seemed to make sense, now we just don't eat out anymore.
- The Romans would have thought that even Kings did not enjoy such luxuries as an ice maker. They would be all "what sorcery is this?!"
- Yessss.
  My first year of university, I lived in residence and the cafeteria had a nugget ice machine. Every day before class I'd swing through and fill my water bottle to the brim with ice and top if off with water. I'd have enough ice to crunch until my classes were done (not in class, I'm not a monster).
  I miss it so much.
  Also, a post-mix bar gun. Mostly just for carbonated water, because I'm also a fizz addict and those things are just fun.

My wife wanted an ice maker. Thought it a silly idea but indulged her nonetheless. Well, turns out I freaking love it. Well worth the investment in my opinion
- Same, I even had a fridge that included one and I never bothered to hook it up, I thought it was stupid because it took up valuable freezer space. Then one day I rented an apartment that had one and found out that boy was I ever wrong, living in a tropical country these things are an absolute godsend.

Bread maker. Fresh bread all the time with minimal effort. Takes too much space and isn't worth the spend

Infinite rice maker. Like instant.

The Nintendo Switch 2.

A swimming pool. I love swimming, but I don't have the courage to swim in public. I was able to rent a pool by myself a few times and had an absolute blast.

A butler.
- For me, a robobutler.

I can't say, it's too absurd.
- Please say

A autonomous driving electric camper with a bed and auto-find free parking space, Solar roof.
- This one honestly sounds amazing, it could be like an overnight train

Infinite money printer, obviously.
- Jerome?

Is an icemaker an absurd luxury? Practically ever fridge I have ever owned has come with one, except like when I was a kid in the 70s.
- Not every kitchen has the plumbing for it.
  
  A plumber can fix that in a couple of hours
  
  Fair, though I feel like most do nowadays? And I'm not living in some McMansion or anything, I'm on the poor end of things, but still I can't think of a house I've lived in in the last ~30 years that didn't have it.

Lego's (I can't have enough, too expensive)
A full-sized bath (flat is pretty old, they did come with baths then, I love it)

There are certain 12" records which despite only having one it two songs in them go for ludicrous prices, in the hundreds. I'd quite like to have those please.

Happiness

Air-conditioned dhed with high volume air cleaning for toxic actibities like soldering, plastic models, spray painiting, 3-D printing...
And a 3-d printer with a cross section of a metre on a side. I am sick of having to cut up designs, I want to print an entire extended-ATX case in a single run.