As a reminder, please do not discuss current struggle sessions in the mega. We want this to be a little oasis for all of us and the best way to do that is not to feed into existing conflict on the site.

Also, be sure to properly give content warnings and put sensitive subjects behind proper spoiler tags. It's for the mental health of not just your comrades, but yourself as well.

Here is a screenshot of where to find the spoiler button.

129 comments

hi, does anyone wanna make the mega in the upcoming weeks? if so, reply to this post and i'll add you to the list!

the list as it stands:

        oscardejarjayes* (3/31 - 4/6)
    JohnBrownsBussy2  (4/7 - 4/13)
    peanutbuttercupola (4/14 - 4/20 (weed))
    Eco* (4/21 - 4/27)
    EstraDoll* (4/28 - 5/4)
    SadArtemis* (5/5 - 5/11)
    yewler* (5/12 - 5/18)
    AshenWolf* (5/19 - 5/25)

    AshenWolf* (6/2 - 6/8)

* after name denotes someone who has posted before and will be skipped by first-time posters

I've hit a transition milestone in coding as some kind of queer to most people. I'm getting side eye from cishets. I'm getting gay men flirting with me (and complimenting my fits) and cis women including me into gossip (I think probably in a "gay man" way, but nicer to be perceived as safer). Not the area I'd necessarily want to stay perceived and contradictory at times, but overall I'm enjoying it.
The election was called in Australia and as I was leaving somewhere there was a pair of very persistent Liberal party supporters (in Australia they're the Tories) were trying to convince everyone and anyone to take their leaflets, and one of them a blonde lady around my age, just sort of looked at me and withdrew the leaflet from my direction almost subconciously.
(I did have an random episode of some sort of phobioa, not sure trans or homo a few weeks ago that was jarring because you know things suck)

I’ve been married for a week; when do I start to hate my wife?

Finally hexbear and lemmygrad are federated again so I can post here again :D.
On another note, I met up with some trans friends who I hadn't seen in a half year for a drink, which was nice. I was the one who initiated it which I'm proud about since I mostly just wait to be invited. I'm stepping out of my comfort zone

did I cook with making this chart?
- yeah its basically correct

- My dumbass just realized this was probably a Celsius/Fahrenheit joke lmao

Thinking about that time I was at a restaurant in a notoriously crunchy city in the US and the signs on the bathrooms were she/they and he/they. They were so close to something and made the funniest kind of bathroom.

(get a bunch of cool used games I've always wanted at a cool local used games store)
(play the same handful over and over)
- The secret of this is someone telling you not to play something then you spend months of your life playing it at least that's how it works for me

deleted by skeleton

who wants to help me come up with discussion questions about i saw the tv glow that tie the themes of the film into a conversation about socialism? lol jk ... unless?

Trying to figure out which plush to keep on my bed tonight. This is a serious decision.
- mood

So do my good boy points convert over to nb points or did I lose those
- they were always nb points u just didnt realize it :3
  
  Heck yeah, thank you pup
  gonna collect them with pride now

So long and thanks for all the lemons

::: spoiler sex, kink
I just had such a wonderful impact session, with so much sting. I finally got to try my other toys, which i bought to, uh, expand my boundaries. I tend to prefer thuddy, im very much a thuddy girl, and these floggers sting like no tomorrow, and tbh the sting is growing on me... it doesnt hurt that my domme really knows how to use them (and me)

am eeeepy

If the next mega isn't a fruit mega I'm actually going to cry
- which fruit do you suggest? If we haven't done grapefruit already, I'm leaning towards that.
  
  If you do grapefruit, please make sure to warn people about grapefruit interacting with medications and particularly some hrt.
  
  grapefruitposting would be hella based ngl
  
  Limes are so fuckin good
  
  hell yeah grapefruit posters rise up

i'm really enjoying all these different lemon paintings. i was cross stitching this lemon pattern forever ago and while i never finished it (think i did a few lemons and a bunch of leaves in the top half so far) i find myself wanting to break it out again thanks to all this lemon inspiration

why are cis women told to put progesterone cream (and even gel, I think) on their breasts?
- Supposed to help with breast tenderness during their cycle.
  
  it just weirded me out seeing it in the medical leaflet because estrogel is verboten to put there. and the risks are the same i think :/

I moved. Its over. No more hell apartment

I'm like overflowing with gender euphoria at the moment. I have never felt this way. I'm bursting at the seams. I was on a discord call with some friends and I had my hair all cute, I was wearing cute clothes, I was practicing some girl voice things, I was wearing a bralette and it was hugging me constantly, and I felt like I was NAILING girl mannerisms out of nowhere. But not in a way where I felt like I was forcing anything. It was just happening and I was watching it just happen and it felt right. Oh my gosh. I literally had to leave the discord call and put on music and dance around my living room and sing along with it. And now I'm worn out physically but I still feel like I need to do something with the overwhelming sense of girlhood I'm feeling
- My sister pointed out to me once that I had a bunch of girl mannerisms, she thought I had worked on it. For me, no, it was just about unleashing what was already there and not holding back
  
  Yeah that's what it is for me. I just feel like I'm behaving in a way that feels natural to me but that seems to come out super girl like. I had someone tell me a few days ago that I had girl mannerisms but I didn't see it myself until today

- Tbh weight can fluctuate a fair amount just from water weight and undigested food and stuff, so it could just be that.
  
  Yeah food usually takes 36hrs to come out as poop.
- You can have 1 kg of weight difference from a full bladder, a big ol BM brewing up, and just the scale not being perfect. A really full bladder on its own is like 400 grams. Don't sweat it. You said no advice so I shan't suggest how to weigh to get closer to a consistent "true" weight.
  Weight loss sucks, yeah. Wish it was as easy and fun to lose weight as it feels to gain it lol. Its a marathon not a sprint, keep focusing on healthy behaviors and a year from now you'll be very thankful you stuck with it. In 20 years you'll be super thankful

I don't find most guys attractive at all, but every time I start questioning if I'm even into guys I'll run into someone who makes me go
- God this is such a mood😩

Holy SHIT tilting my head back and swishing my hair across the top of my bare back is the most incredible feeling ever

Bralettes acquired. I feel like I'm being gently hugged hehe. I underestimated how neat this would feel
- I want a gentle hug
  
  Before I socially transitioned I wore a bralette under my boy clothes~
  
  Girl same. Best I can offer is a virtual one

- I know I didn't respond in uh- reasonable amount of time at all but this helped me last night, ty LocalOaf

Oh, I have you booked for... 1 hour of unrestrained happiness and feelings of self worth. Alright, you may start
- What's my co-pay on this?

Even though I'm taking estrogen (and spironolactone) I'm still taking finasteride. I think just it's neat. I'm surprised it doesn't get used as much in gender affirming care.
Obviously it's can't be a sole anti-androgen as it only blocks DHT, but like women trans and cis are meant to have some testosterone if only for energy, libido etc. I think it makes sense to have the finasteride there to sweep in and block the DHT part that only have negative effects (hair loss on scalp, increased facial and body hair, prostate enlargement). It's actually prescribed to cis women who are losing hair or are hirsute, a demographic with a lot in common with some trans women.
The major side "negative" effects are reversible (1:100) and irreversible erectile dysfunction (1:10,000) which is a YMMV and breast growth

I pay 20 AUD for 30x5mg tablets, that I quarter, meaning I have 4 months supply at once and it costs me 5 dollar bucks a month.
Also seems like it has relevance for Trans Men who don't want hair loss from testosterone. IDK.
- my hair was shit for a year or two even after spiro and estradiol until I started fina, still on it and tbh too scared to stop
- Is there any particular reason you're taking fin instead of duta?
  
  Regional differences probably from being in Australia. I got the finasteride a couple of years ago for “hair loss”. Dutasteride is only for prostate enlargement here even though it’s also in the same family.

pic of 2/3 of my recovery team

I find it kind of wild that in the Altered Carbon books it basically says "Liberal democracy will inevitably become intrenched fascism to the point where people forget the concept of infranchisement, while unrestrained capitalism in the periphery will make a new feudalism that is hell on earth for the living, the only solution is an eternal peoples wars through the science of space Maoism" and "changing your body and gender like it's a piece of clothing is cool and good".
Then the author is a huge centrist UK labor supporter and a massive TERF (literally friends with Graham Lineham).

That "feel like you didn't really accomplish anything today and are going to bed lonely and feeling unaccomplished" kinda sad

This girl on The Ultimatum (gay edition) is so annoying

Taken to saying to myself "I'm eating for two" and lifting my breasts up.

(hungry pumpkin voice)
🎃
I'm very lonely!
- best friend isn't replying and I'm worried I've been annoying or something
  
  am sure thats not the case at all, they pawbably jus busy or somfing

I love being trans.

Used the women's restroom for the first time. It was at a UU church hosting a trans lives festival, so definitely a safe place to do so.
- The first (and only) time I've ever used (or even seen) a gender neutral bathroom was at a UU. It was really nice since I don't feel comfy in either gendered bathroom at this point
  
  I was in an Oporto the other day. It's an Australian Portuguese restaurant chain (a competitor to Nandos).
  It had two bathrooms. One had a pink door with the traditional woman's symbol but with a chickens head. The other had a blue door with a men's symbol with a chicken head.
  However both doors were labeled "Unisex Bathroom". Like they'd had money to change the writing but not the rest. Which I though was cool, funny and kind of gender AF.
  
  Funnily enough, my first instinct was to use the gender neutral bathroom, but it was always busy so I just ended up using the women's instead.

uuuh new deafheaven

WOKE up to my plushies all being warm from my body heat, it's cold this morning but goddamn my body is like a furnace. Only thing different is yesterday went hard (for me) on the rowing machine, if only for my plushies might keep doing that so I can be warm for them
- the woke mob (it's a bunch of pushies)
  
  Shaking me down for bed real estate

stop right there, scriminal cum

Vince McMahon face meme that advances one level every time we are given new lemon art
- Thank you for your appreciation
- (The changing images are a cool bit and I’m enjoying it, thank you)

Today I realized I'm a liberal individual so I'm rectifying this immediately
Oh also a friend asked about HRT

- What size needle are you using to draw? I've used the same vile for nearly half a year without the top being damaged, but I used 30 gauge insulin needles to draw and inject. Idk why doctors recommend using separate draw and injection needles, in my experience it's really not worth it.
  
  We use a seperate draw needle to minimize needstick injury (not as big as deal when you're already injecting yourself), also the bigger gauge makes it faster, and the most important reason is that after a needle is used once it's dulled so it hurts more (also more risk of contaminate on a new needle, even if you washed properly).

Hello

I got a tingly feeling inside when I started writing this message.
Still figuring myself out so not sure how much I'll post but wanted to say all of you are super inspiring and just reading your comments has helped me out
- You’re by far not the only person here who’s still in their discovery phase. If you want to share your thoughts with us, you’re always welcome to post here. Doesn’t even have to do with trans stuff. I think most comments here are just about random bullshit anyway.
  
  OBJECTION! All posting by transgender persons is transposting!

My winter girl rot era is over, my summer happy girl era is beginning.
- Real! I started running again this week for that reason.

trans people in chud nightmares: trying to indocrinate children, corrupt society
trans people irl: oranges. lemons

Now that estrogen has made me pretty happy, I picked up another hobby I had before my constant depressions and spent 4 hours writing today. I expected to feel mentally tired and was ready to turn off my brain and scroll through slop afterwards, but somehow it had the opposite effect and I feel amazingly energized

- Undertale holds up tbh, I was watching gf play it a bit last night and I have all the music stuck in my head now

Top this, bottom that
I was sent here to destroy you in glorious hand to hand combat or die trying

Social needs are garbage. Why can't I just like hanging out and talking with people but not need to. It just hurts when I'm not getting "enough" (whatever my brain decides that means). Maybe soon my brain will break again and be okay being alone for a while. There's definitely been times where I feel like I've been fine without anyone really but that has not been the case lately :/
Also all this would be easier if I was just better at it
probably why I feel this way tbh. I'm too quiet and too boring. Or maybe, even worse, I don't even know the actual issue.
- Same kinda
  Something something hedgehog's dilemma

I cant stop thinking about someone i know burning a book they have definitely not read, while talking about how 'problematic' the book is, how disfusting the artwork is, etc
gah! Anti-intellectualism and the 'left', name a more ivonic duo
- Similar but a bit different, people defending a book without understanding the worst parts of it. Its disgusting and I can't stop either. Maybe I should write out a thing and send it to someone or something.

Sometimes, it feels like the only difference between your average liberal feminist and your average TERF is how mask-off they are. It really is just civility vs. rudeness.
Liberal feminists will hold the same essentialist, harmful reactionary beliefs as TERFs but just won't flat-out say it and might even feign LGBTQ+ acceptance too.
- The Matt Christman Asshole Vs Pussy dichotomy reigns supreme
  The liberal reaction and the conservative reaction are the same.
  "We gotta have kids in cages, but don't be an Asshole about it" - dem, liberal coded
  "We gotta have kids in cages, but don't be a Pussy about it" - GOP, conservative coded
  "We can't let trans women compete in women's sports, but don't be an Asshole about it." - dem, liberal coded
  "We can't let trans women compete in women's sporta, but don't be a Pussy about it." - GOP, conservative coded
  And so it goes, the wheel grinds the same way, but how the person spinning it feels about - shame or perverse joy in the suffering of the ground down - is what matters in the realm of acceptable politics.