Mid-40s: it feels fine. It both complicates and un-complicates various things for later in life, but that's life.
I do like kids, but never wanted my own (at least biologically; I never fully ruled out adoption). We have nieces and nephews we can spoil instead of our own, heh.
Meh depression is killing it, but I don't think I'd be a good parent. I would probably be just fine but would rather help someone already here. Who knows.
Or has ups and downs.
I always wanted kids. So it's a constant source of regret and emptyness.
On the other hand, life is cheaper. I can do what I want when I want. I'm not wrapped in worrying about my kids all the time.
Every member of my lineage: "I will never do to my kids what my parents did to me" before doing exactly that.
Me: "I will never do to my kids what my parents did to me" fucking aced it
Something that only occurred to me just now is that when I was in my 20s and early 30s and still assumed I'd have children (despite that looming self imposed pressure feeling exactly like dread), the parent-child relationship I had imagined in my head was set in the past.
I grew up in the 90s and early 00s. I'm an elder millennial. I think my gen was very lucky in that we got to see and enjoy the rapid emergence of technology before today's capitalistic enshittification but our interpersonal dynamics and everything we did didn't rely on it either. So the 'come home when it gets dark' or 'I'll meet you at 4 at the cinema' mentality was still strong. No social media or inability to switch off the connection to other people.
We also didn't have the existential crises that come with thinking about climate change, the death of truth and the rise of misinformation, and the next pandemic.
So when I was picturing raising a child it was in a dated context that for the most part doesn't exist anymore. Yes there's exceptions to everything - I'm speaking in a very general sense - but I cannot imagine myself growing up in today's world. I had a hard enough time back then, with similar struggles most kids have. How the fuck would I help my own child navigate it???
No thanks.
I'm 38, wife is 40, absolutely heartbreaking. We've been trying for 5 years, went to the NHS for IVF, but because of the pandemic we "aged out" of multiple rounds. The one go we had didn't result in pregnancy, and if we can't conceive with as many rounds as we can afford private were planning to adopt. Which is pretty difficult in the UK actually.
Honestly? Kinda lonely. I'll be 40 in a few months. I'm a woman, if the perspective matters .
I was engaged to the man I thought I'd marry and have kids with, but it didn't turn out to be the case, and although I learned how to choose better and what to look out for, I also wonder if I'm ever going to get to have a family of my own. It's been 6 years now since that fell apart, and I had to do a lot in that time to get back onto my feet, but the few relationships I've had since then are fleeting. Men seem afraid of commitment now, and it's hard not to completely fall to the idea that I'm just too old, which is what society is consistently screaming at me.
I don't feel old.
I am tired of searching though. At some point I will get to where I'm too old and that makes me sad to think about.
Like Freedom. I love my niece and nephew and enjoy spending time with them. But if I had to feed, clothe, clean up after, provide for, and entertain them 24 hours a day (not even considering when they were babies!)... I literally cannot imagine it.
Erm… normal I guess. I don’t know what it would feel like with children.
What I do know is I would be a terrible parent, I only got my shit together in my late thirties and I wouldn’t have been a good parent, so it’s good for the kids that I didn’t have any.
Not to that age yet, but I feel slightly envious of families that I see at downhill mountain bike parks or camping or sledding. I want to have a family just like that someday :)
Best decision my (now ex) wife and I ever made. Not because we are divorced now. But because
a) I'm free to live my own life. and
b) Even back when kids was an option, she and I both kind of saw the world that was coming and decided that we didn't want to subject our children or grandchildren to the world that was turning to shit.
Looking around today, I feel absolutely vindicated for taking that stance back in the early 2000's when I was married.
I have a lot of kids so I can't answer that question
but reddit asked it 2 days ago, word for word https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1gdm2wj/people_in_their_40s_and_50s_with_no_children_how/
I just think it's interesting to look at the difference in the user replies
Pardon my French but it feels fucking awesome. I've been able to travel the world. I have developed hobbies that I wouldn't be able to do so with kids. I have saved a lot of money and I have been able to advance my career.
As for passing my knowledge/experience, I volunteer at various charities where I can influence young minds. I don't believe that passing on genes down the line is the best I can do. The best I can do is to help young people achieve their goals.
Now, to address few some clichés. On my deathbed I will get the glass of water from a highly paid nurse. The "warm bed" is not the issue for me. When I go I will leave my possessions to a charity of my choice.
It feels amazing.
I wake up to a quiet, clean house every day.
They told me I'd change my mind about not wanting kids when I got older. I'm still waiting for it to change.
Happy I didn't fuck up my life and the lives of my progeny by birthing them.
Sad and empty. I love kids. I had fertility treatments for years, but that did not work out. I will start IVF again in a couple of days. Hopefully it will work this time. It is one of my last chances.
I would like to adopt or have foster kids. However, I suffer from PTSD and in my country it is very difficult to adopt or foster if you have a background with mental illness. Even though my psychologist and the people in my environment all say that they think I would be able to do it and my partner does not have any mental illness, my chances are very low.
To be honest, looking any further than the next IVF makes me panic. I do not know how to live with not having kids and how to deal with that. I had a lot of bad stuff happen to me. Having children would be something I believe would have made me very happy. It feels like I failed at life. However, I just turned 40, so I know I need to give up at some point.
Great, for me. For others, I imagine it will depend on factors such as having a compatible partner in agreement.
Mixed, but mostly okay.
Pros: The world is massively overpopulated already. Our genes aren't particularly noteworthy. I'm not very optimistic about the future. People's happiness generally seems a lot less than it was when I was younger and I don't see that changing.
Cons: Not being able to pass anything on - my knowledge and experience, ironically much of which was gained through having time that would have been unavailable if I had had kids. As we both get older, our own care is concerning. Doing physical things around our smallholding is getting harder and a pair of young hands would be nice.
I don't begrudge other people having kids. We tried once but lost it and that kind of took the excitement out of it for us. Before we knew it, it was too late anyway.
I'm not good around kids, so I made a decision to be without children pretty early on. So, to answer your question, I guess it feels... normal? It's hard to describe in more detail, because I don't have a reference to compare it to.
That said, I've seen what kind of struggles - emotional, financial or otherwise - my kid-having friends and family have been going through and I would be a liar if I said I never thought "I'm glad I don't have to go through this shit" more than on one occasion.
It’s good. Don’t have to worry about paying for any of it.
Elementary school
Middle school
High school
College
Helping out after they finish college and haven’t found a job
All the stuff during the summer
Not having to hear “ but why?!” Every ten seconds
Not having to worry about how they’ll survive in this fucked up world.
Pretty great. I have money and free time.
Great!
Shout out to !childfree@lemmy.world
Edit: k, idk why you downvoted me, was trying to show you another sub with an audience directly for this question that you may want to also ask, but k go ahead and downvote me OP.
I wanted kids when I was younger, but wasn't ready to give up my freedom. Once I was ready for kids the world (and the future in particular) looks so bleak that it doesn't seem fair to the theoretical kiddo to say 'hey, here's a dumpster fire - good luck'. Instead I babysit for my friends and family, spoil the kids around me, and sleep in on the weekend. I also have more time for activism and trying to ensure a brighter future for kiddos.
No regrets.
It sucks. I don’t have children because I’m barely functional. Can barely keep a roof over my own head, let alone maintain a romantic relationship.
I’ve wanted kids for a long time, but the only relationship that showed promise of that ended with a bunch of cheating and abuse. I eventually realized even if I was willing to put up with it, I couldn’t subject my kids to having her as a mother.
So I’m going on 42 and don’t know if I’m gonna make it.
I love it but even in high school, I knew I didn’t want kids. People told me seeing my friends have kids would cause me to change my mind but it only reinforced my preference. Having kids is a huge amount of work and commitment (not to mention the expense). I love to travel and I’ve been able to go to places and do things you can’t (or just wouldn’t want to) do with kids. I also like that I was able to take risks with my career. It’s much easier to start a business or join an early stage company or whatever if you don’t need the stability kids need.
So, for me, it’s amazing. I feel for people who want kids but never had them, though. I know a few and they’re happy — freedom is a nice consolation prize — but it wasn’t their dream.
Honestly it kind of sucks.
I always wanted a kid but it requires a partner who is able to be a parent and I have never had such a partner.
I had a pretty fucked up childhood and I wanted someone who could be a good mother to a child and everyone I've dated who had the ability to be a good mother was not capable of giving birth for one reason or another and everyone I've dated who's capable of giving birth was not capable of being a good mother for one reason or another.
I know it's not too late for me but it's getting pretty damn close.
Seriously like the most obvious fucking life hack.
Also, it's generally super weird how everyone tries really hard to convince you that you are wrong about it. Like I could take all of the collective time people have spent trying to give me unsolicited input on some other random topic, and it wouldn't even add up to a tenth of the time I've spent on the "why don't you want kids?" Conversation. I'm sorry but that's sus as fuck. Like some actual brain slug shit.
I'm in way over my head as it is. I can't even imagine what it would be like having to be responsible for some gremlins, as well. We do not even dare get a cat (or two - you should always get two so they're not lonely) for the same reason. Good thing my SO sees it exactly the same way. We're both glad we didn't have children.
Feels like the best decision I ever made.
Amazing. I'm not willing to exercise the permanent sacrifices that having kids entails.
Good, made a decision decades ago to have a vasectomy as there are way to many people in the world and misquoting Thoreau, what use a kid if no livable planet to raise them on ?
I always felt if the need to be a parent overwhelmed, I could adopt any number of abandoned kids.
I like kids but I'd fell way to guilty about having any. Not having them also let me retire at 35 and pursue my own interests, I'm now 58.
Fine. Sometimes sad. I dated someone with a kid for a while and the good parts were good. But now I'm old so it's kind of moot.
No regrets
Joyful, peaceful, content, fulfilled, educated, energetic, with a diverse set of wonderful friends, and a fun, flexible lifestyle. I retired early and wake up every day (whenever I feel like waking up) in a place I love. I laugh a lot and have a close “chosen family” who always has each other’s back. I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
I have a big chosen family, including people who feel like children, and even grandchildren. I don't believe that a blood relation would make that any richer an experience for me.
skipped the zombie apocalypse
Ask again in a decade and some. Me and my gf really do not want kids
Hopefully no different from life now.
You could really ask this question of anyone about anything. There will always be substantial differences between one person's life and another. Having had children doesn't necessarily denote that difference, even less so for men as some fathers don't stick around and instead go live their own lives seemingly uninterrupted.
But think of how many things people sink great amounts of time and effort into; gambling, becoming a practicing doctor, hedge fund trading, starting a charity, programming... Those people will probably all have large amounts of time devoted to those things.
Of course there'll be many things that don't compare, and some that do... Then you must also factor in that it's a trauma for some people. Some people end up not liking their children, kicking them out, disconnecting.
Human nature is hugely variable. What's it like being a good person? What's it like being rich? What's it like being homeless and a drug addict? What's ut like being happy? What's it like in prison? What's it like as mayor? Or psychiatrist? Or teacher?
What's it like not like doing any of the things mentioned here? Well, that question, your post, is really about you, isn't it? It's about you asking others "what would my life be if I didn't, or don't have kids?"
So, why are you asking?
