People who treat your inability to pay for things as a choice deserve to be thrown out of a building
People who treat your inability to pay for things as a choice deserve to be thrown out of a building
"Why don't you want to come to my wedding?"
"I want to come but I can't afford a ticket overseas."
"Whatever, if you want to stay home and miss out on life that's your decision I guess."
Apparently me saying no to this wedding was the last straw for them, because they're always asking me to do things I can't afford and they don't seem to understand why I can't despite me telling them every time that I am poor. So now I'm the bad person because I'm totally being poor and "holding myself back" on purpose.
If they want to burn this bridge they can fuck right off. I've had enough of this shit.
At my first internship my car's timing chain snapped on the bw parkway. Harrowing is... An accurate description of the wait for a tow.
It took weeks to get a new engine, luckily my dad was willing and able to pay for a used engine to be installed and I could use public transit to get to work from my newly acquired sublet.
I was doing the "subway to bus to half mile walk" thing for two months or so (almost the whole internship).
I mentioned that I needed to leave at 345 to catch the 4 o'clock bus to a senior coworker and he asked why. I explained the car situation and he said "why don't you just get a new car, they're much nicer."
It was the first time I realized that there were people who simply assumed that driving a 20 year old shitbox was an aesthetic choice or something.
Mind blowing.
AAAAAAAAAAAA I have had this said to me so many times and some folks just DO NOT GET IT. Like, I am a lucky person who probably could afford a new car, but I'm also a {mechanic|hobby}. I fix my 25 year old rusted out truck because I FUCKING LOVE THAT TRUCK. Which, shit, I guess is an aesthetic choice. Shit! I'm the reason your coworker was a prick!
That said, it's, like, A LOT more reasonable to keep a shitbox running than to sign up for fucking years of car payments on something shiny that also might just fucking break AND that I'd have no fucking clue how to fix.
Oh my fucking g dash d this TRIGGERED a memory of a coworker who was so fucking into their cars shininess and newness that they spent almost their entire salary on cars. Tiny apartment, new car every six months, bought not leased, would sell the old one. Like, there's neurodivergent and then there's my dude it is clear you have never had to have sleep for dinner.
I still drive a 20 year old car lol.
In part because I'm not sure how anyone can afford a new vehicle large enough to hold my family.
And in part because new cars are data collecting machines used by capitalists to further exploit the working class and squeeze as much value as possible from us. Between the abusive hardware/software interactions, the intentionally difficult to service designs, and shitty end user experience I tell everyone to buy old cars or at the very least clip all the antennas they can on their new one.
Not long before going over 5 mph is a monthly subscription and you have to watch a two minute thirty second ad before you can turn on the radio.
"Just have even less comfort and joy in your life. Sleep less. Turn yourself into a revenue stream for capitalism and accept the fraction of your labor value you get back from your sacrifice." /r/GetMotivated
I have douchebag petite bourgeoisie relatives that have a similar attitude as OP's situation about their life-changing epiphany-laden "you haven't lived until you bungee jumped" world-hopping vacation flexing.
"You haven't lived until you've had authentic Turkish tea. Why haven't you gone to Turkey yet? Oh right, you're scared of trying new things. No excuses. No excuses is why I can get Turkish tea and you let life pass you by. Carpe diem. That's Latin, you know..."
Oh I hate this so much. If you want someone to try something you like, Gift it to them! Just buy them the treat rather than making them spend their own resources so you can feel good about your own taste in fucking treats.
The authenticity of tourist traps
You haven't lived until you've died and been reincarnated as a 16th century polymath in the Ottoman empire and write more than ninety books on a wide variety of subjects, including astronomy, clocks, engineering, mathematics, mechanics, optics, and natural philosophy
I'll never be "a 16th century polymath in the Ottoman empire and write more than ninety books on a wide variety of subjects, including astronomy, clocks, engineering, mathematics, mechanics, optics, and natural philosophy"
reincarnated as a 16th century polymath in the Ottoman empire and write more than ninety books on a wide variety of subjects, including astronomy, clocks, engineering, mathematics, mechanics, optics, and natural philosophy
You haven't lived until you've died and been reincarnated as a 16th century polymath in the Ottoman empire and write more than ninety books on a wide variety of subjects, including astronomy, clocks, engineering, mathematics, mechanics, optics, and natural philosophy
Man those isekai anime titles are getting longer every day
You haven't lived until you've died and been reincarnated as a 16th century polymath in the Ottoman empire and write more than ninety books on a wide variety of subjects, including astronomy, clocks, engineering, mathematics, mechanics, optics, and natural philosophy
Throw some slime and dungeons and you've got yourself an isekai anime there, friend
Best I can do is sail from Venice to Naples in the 17th century and be kidnapped by the Ottomans, in whose custody I become the slave of a man with whom I share a strong physical resemblance, and whom I instruct in Western science and technology, from medicine to astronomy.
No excuses. For the terror
for real, jesus christ. does "I can't afford it" mean something else for other people???? I remember I had an acquaintance back when who just didn't seem to get the concept of not affording something.
"come to the thing!" sorry I'm broke, I can't afford it. "yeah okay but you could still come" bro what I literally have seventeen cents to my name "oof yeah I get it, but you could come though?" What, just fucking smooth-talk my way in without a ticket? "no man the tickets are cheap, come on, it'll be fun"
They weren't even out-of-touch-levels of rich or even all that well off. I never understood, and I never thought to ask them what they think "can't afford" means. Wild.
"I can't afford it" to someone who has never been poor just means "I would have to dip into my savings for this." they can't even imagine that for most people it means "my bank account doesn't have enough numbers in it and I would become homeless or unable to eat if I paid for this."
"I can't afford it" mean something else for other people????
Yes.
Some people have so much money laying around that they don't really have an excuse not to help people, so they put an arbitrary amount into savings so they can pretend that they don't have the money they are continually putting away. Just oh I have 1 million dollars and I put 999,999 into that one account, so I actually can't afford to buy you this hamburger right now.
Yeah I wish I could find that webcomic where the dude says to someone "why don't you get a new phone if you hate your old one" and the other person grabs a new phone, attempts to buy it and their card gets declined while giving a dumb expression at the first person because it sums up the mood
"no man the tickets are cheap, come on, it'll be fun"
Apparently not as cheap as you refusing to foot the bill for the "cheap" tickets. It's all "this isn't even that expensive" until their own money is involved.
This is just the long form of, "I don't think of you as a person unless you're equally financially secure."
A lot of Email job types think that "I can't afford it" is "It will mean I have to not go to a fancy resturaunt twice a month" and not "I literally will be unable to pay for rent and food if I do this." The idea that they're friends with actual poor people is hard to process.
This is the classic coping mechanism of wealthier people (and others emulating / sucking up to them).
They have to regard being poor as a choice, or otherwise face that their own wealth is unearned and it's morally wrong that they have it while others don't. To them "I can't afford it" is synonymous with "I don't want to" because thinking otherwise destroys their world view.
Permanently Deleted
100%
And it's a trope that nobody really enjoys a destination wedding in the first place
Like there's multiple avenues that tell you it's a bad idea
But they just keep doing it
It's so presumptuous. Unless you're paying for your guests' travel and lodging, you should not have a destination wedding. People who decide to have weddings in other countries and don't pay for guests just reek of "I'm irresponsible with money but I'm also a trustfund baby so I can't fail. I definitely do not have the money for this thing, yet I'm doing it anyway to make myself look successful."
Then they do shit like a bachelor's party at a strip club and a bride wanting her special day before they get divorced in 3 months.
Some friends of mine recently had a nice compromise. A local ceremony that was easier for their friends and family to get to, then an optional trip with them to Hawaii that you needed to RSVP for ahead of time cuz they were arranging group pricing for some stuff. Kind of like tagging along for their honeymoon.
not actually relevant to the thread complaint about family and destination weddings
I moved away from my home city, and the vast majority of my extended family hasn't. Lots haven't even ever left that city, like, ever. So we send out wedding invites, and my mom's all "everyone thinks you're very rude for having a destination wedding and nobody's going to come." I wasn't having a destination wedding, I was having a wedding in the city where me and my partner have lived for years.
Weddings held abroad are ways for couples to deter relatives and friends from joining; cutting costs and giving an out to people who don't want to go.
Your former friends were in search of an excuse to ostracize you
destination wedding?
just fuckin elope and enjoy the destination shit with the person you love, and then have a wider celebration with friends and family in a way that can actually involve your friends and family. jesus christ
Final Destination: Wedding
i chose to be wealthy and that's what happened!Come on, Dirt_Owl, you have bootstraps just like everyone else. If you really wanted to, you could pull on those a little harder. The fact that you don't just means you don't care about other people, especially people who do. If you keep being so selfish and expecting everyone else to accommodate you just because you're "poor," then what's next? Are you going to start whining like all those welfare-sucking dirty homeless who have it so easy with no adult responsibilities but are always complaining about how those of us good and hard-working people who did make the right decision to pull on our bootstraps owe them a mansion or something? Ew. Don't pretend like this isn't entirely your decision to be this way.
AAAA
I'm sorry. I feel almost tainted having even written that. For reals, only compassion to you, comrade.
"If you can't afford to come to our wedding you are choooooosing to miss out on life because attending our boring overpriced shitty divorce prequel is the epitome of human experience!!"
Capitalist ideology and unwarranted self-importance is one hell of a combo. Fuck those stupid morally bankrupt goatfuckers.
overpriced shitty divorce prequel
That's both funny and quite often true when it comes to the shallow fucks that peacock like that to begin with.
Another Dirt_Owl banger
I thought this was going to be something way cheaper than a destinarion wedding holy shit
I hate people like that. People who rub all their traveling in your face as a status symbol. It's so much more common to see these days. It just ruffles all my left populist feathers.
"Influencer" culture itself feels like a fake friend doing exactly that while being effectively paid by their fans to continue doing so.
On the upside, you won't have to hear about them complaining how they had to put $60,000 on credit cards to pay for the destination wedding
It’s kind of why I stopped using “basement dweller” as an insult. Especially in the modern day, it just feels like you’re mocking someone for being an icky icky poor person.
Come to think of it, poor people always have how much they spend of save money scrutinized but never rich people. If a rich person was caught intentionally doing wage theft, there’d be excuse after excuse of smuglords saying “it’s financial literacy sweaty”, but if a poor person lives with their parents to build savings, they’re seen as losers. Possibly fueled in no small part that some landlord deserves that money.
Weddings are consistently the most miserable experiences I've ever had the misfortune of experiencing. They're always so much drama as well, tbh I find if someone i know is a big wedding enthusiast i can guarantee we won't get along and have opposing ideology. Oh and the wedding gift shit is so stupid, like I was best man had to do all these ridiculous pre divorce prequel events, buy a suit, pay for accommodation and travel and when i get there "oh we want a gift in cash please" like i haven't spent an entire paycheck on the twatting wedding already. U can have a tesco meal deal and some pocket lint you nonce. "Oh but its a once in a lifetime thing" yeah my life is a once in a lifetime thing yet i don't see you showering me in money and bullshit.
If i was gonna have a wedding it would be a house party follow by a hexbear post party.
hexbear post party
please no
ok everyone pull out your sticky copies of maos red book
You will get the post party and you will enjoy it
Actually scratch that you're now being invited to the wedding, agents have been dispatched to your position
Lol fuck destination weddings. One of my best friends had theirs at a vineyard in a swanky part of a neighboring city and i didn't have to pay a dime.
I'm sorry you had that experience though. That's really shitty.
I cut off a friend who kept pressuring me to visit him in another city, seeming to ignore my issues with my car and the hassle of parking/ driving. The last straw was sending a venmo request for an outing he begged me to stay for after already twisting my arm with the visit itself.
If that person can't acknowledge your material conditions, they're not your friend.
And you know they'd give you shit if you didn't bring an adequately expensive gift.
I simply wouldn't associate with such gross people.
Wanna go skiing?
:agony-yehaw:
i am surrounded by people who verge on offended that i wont ski with them but, fuck, i grew up with neither snow nor money. i would *die*
They really can't fathom the fact that it's paycheck to paycheck, and what it means to skip meals to keep the lights on. Sorry people suck.
"I'm fucking broke, so can you foot the bill? I promise I'll pay you back when I have money."
I'm glad I had a small wedding, just me and my spouse and a photographer. Saved a shit ton of money and I can just have dinner with the people I care about instead.
the one and only "destination" wedding I went to was on a weekend, about an 6 hr road trip away. 4 of piled into a car, I only had to drive 2 hours of it. and we all crashed in one room of a big rented beach house the family of the bride had provided and they provided the food for us and drink. the ceremony was a short walk away, "come as you are" on the beach at dusk. it was a long weekend, but I don't think any of us went out of pocket more than $30 total for gas and maybe a rehearsal dinner+drinks type of thing at a chill seafood joint. the haul was a lot, but we were all pretty close, young and eager for a chill road trip to the coast.
I've been to a lot of weddings, but the coolest people always think of making it easier on the community they want to be there and support them.
people who make it about stunting on everyone they know and making a lot of flaunting flash don't have any clue about what brings people together in marriage, friendship, or community and can be safely discarded.
This isn't applicable to your situation - which just sounds wack - but a good rule (which is super fact and situation dependent) when you have a friend group with greater disposable income is to be easy and open handed with money when you have it, even to people who can afford it more than you can. It shows that you aren't a tightwad, and your friends will be more forgiving and open handed with you. It's a really delicate balance though, and depends on your friends, but making sure your friends see you as generous but money deprived is better than them seeing you as a miser.
See Dickens for this trope in spades - the lovable guy who is too generous for his own good is virtuous while the Golden Dustman is wicked.
People will judge you for anything you do or don’t do. Fuck em
Me going out to buy a 48 year old Lada.