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  • My chud ex-coworker outed another of my ex-coworkers to me and my parents at the restaurant I used to work at. I had to text someone I haven't had contact with in four years to let her know.

  • sometimes i tell my friends or people on the internet that i'm going to do things to get myself to do them because then i'd feel like a liar if i didn't

    that being said, pride in (city) is coming up soon and I'm going to make the very, very bold decision to try and present femme in public for the first time there

    • I find the different paths we take in transition so fun.

      You've started HRT, and that just feels years off for me. There are some people who have been on HRT for years but who have yet to buy any women's clothing or present femme in public. Meanwhile, I've been doing that for years.

      For me, socially transitioning seems super easy, but I'm actually scared to make changes to my body. For others, it's the opposite.

      We have so many unique ways to the same destination

      (and actually our destinations aren't quite the same either!)

      • You've started HRT, and that just feels years off for me. There are some people who have been on HRT for years but who have yet to buy any women's clothing or present femme in public. Meanwhile, I've been doing that for years.

        I've found the thought of it to be super difficult but if I don't put any effort into it that sounds like it might be me. I absolutely hate being a "man" though so hopefully doing it once will help me do it.

        It is really nice watching people do being trans differently though :)

  • Finally watched I Saw the TV Glow. Sobbed multiple times throughout the movie. I've been wanting to watch a movie, tv show about exactly this for so long; the struggles, the journey, the exploration of one's transness. Go watch it if you haven't already

  • Signed my new lease and now i'm officially roomies with two queer people.

    Also ended up with a bathroom that actually has a bathtub so I'm definitely gonna try out bath bombs at some point

  • Hello everyone, I hope you all have a nice week and happy pride!!! Much love!!! 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🥰🥰🥰🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️

  • welp. just bit the bullet and bought a fancy ass IPL. hopefully this thing works

    in other news, any idea how to start looking for a place to do laser/electrolysis? this body/facial hair shit sucks and i want to get rid of it. does anyone know where to find ones where i don't have to lie about my name/gender?

  • i don't feel very feminine, but tomorrow my hair will be just a little longer and i will have been on HRT just one more day. just got to be patient. it's working slowly :)

  • How do you all deal with dysphoria? For me, it's actually difficult to notice in the midst - even though it absolutely intrudes on my quality of life in severe ways, I only notice it when I mitigate it, and during extreme moments, like bigoted encounters. Because of this, there is a subtle, cumulative effect that begins to grow when I don't live within the bounds of my maintenance, presentation, and behavioral routines. The thing is, I absolutely resent, like loudly fucking HATE not being able to just be and exist and have that be okay. The fact that I have to mentally and physically reaffirm to myself nonstop, in every possible way, that I am feminine, is driving me insane. I just want to be, but if I do that, I end up becoming dysfunctional as dysphoria feeds into depression and the dropping of my routines, i retreat socially, and all kinds of functional behavior falls apart as dysphoria ramps up.

    I have issues with my facial hair, which i can't afford to get removed right now, and there are surgeries i'd like, but I am mostly happy with what hormones have done by themselves to me physically. So body wise a lot is fine... However, in all matters social, I just want to ambiently "be", but I literally get miserable if I don't express my feminine side enough. If I don't keep myself dressed up, shaved, and able to look at myself and go "yeah you're a girl" to the mirror, and believe it, I fall the fuck apart.

    I don't know if there are mental tricks, if there are ways to make myself comfortable with the work of constant self affirmation of my own femininity? I am aware this understanding of who I am and what I need is largely localized to my own experience, but I guess I'd like people's insight if this post resonates with you at all.

    • My God I feel this so so so hard. For me it's confusing because it feels like my behavior is quite masculine, or at least somewhat masculine, and just like existing by myself puts me in this headspace where I'm like fuck am I just a guy oh God oh God. Or like when I mention this to literally anyone, no one is like " I think you're being hard on yourself". Everyone just affirms that I act masculine, which just sends me down the dysphoria spiral. So then I try to present more femme but still just incessantly get misgendered by everyone 😩 feel like I'm going insane and I can't really fix it at all, unlike my physical appearance. The hardest thing is that I do feel like I'm expressing myself in a fem way and it apparently is so far off from reality I feel like I can't trust my feelings

      • When I'm comfy, I have no problem expressing femme or at least non binary, and people affirm this, but when i'm uncomfortable, if I'm really done to the nines and there's no mistaking my presentation - i come off as a bitch - but if i am in normal-ish clothes - a femme top and blue jeansx or something - i just get misgendered and coded masculine.

        It takes so much work for the cis world to recognize me, and I feel that too.

        I am genuinely inwardly feminine, but I was alive for almost three decades before i started transition, so I have just under a decade of acting femme, in my early toddler years, and in the five years since i started this journey - in between is decades of living as a 'boy', and a 'man', and that coding is still more or less the default "server offline" behavior - when I have nothing else, i retreat into the little stoic stern sadboy shell I spent 28 years hiding in. I hate it :|

      • I'm with you. To me, my femininity is very visual. I don't have a sense that I'm feminine "deep down inside." So I spend the week living as a guy, and I look in the mirror and say, "oh, that's me. That's fine I guess I'm a guy" as my facial hair grows out. Then, when I get some space to actually shave, let my hair down, and dress the way I like, I look in the mirror and I'm like "holy shit how did I think I was a guy for a whole week?"

        I went out with work friends this weekend while presenting femme. I was originally going under the assumption that I'm a femme guy, but once I spent like an hour in public in femme, having a normal fucking time, I just wanted to come out to them so bad (I didn't. We're not that close).

        As far as behavior goes, though? I've killed the gender cop in my head. I used to second guess myself asking things like, "would a girl do that?" Or "is this too masculine?" I don't care anymore. Being trans is about acting the way I want, not trying to fit a mold. Someone here once pointed out that nodding is masculine coded and waving is feminine coded. I tried it out, and I'm not a waver lol. The nodding will continue, idc if it's "masc." There's a dozen other little examples, too.

        What behaviors do you have that you and your friends think are so masculine anyway? My wife is cis, but if she were trans, she would have a TON of behaviors that people would clock as masculine.

  • Reading circle time!

    I've read a few things that were recommended here that I'd like to talk about.

    First, is "Us" by Sara Soler recommended by @ashinadash@hexbear.net

    .

    The next one is a manga called "She Loves to Cook, and She Loves to Eat" which was recommended by @Cromalin@hexbear.net

    • glad you liked it! it is remarkably pleasant reading about adults having nice times together and growing closer

      i hadn't seen the 4th volume was out, i need to chase that down!

  • My girlfriend is on girl shots now (

    ). I've never given an injection, but I want to be able to in case she needs help/can't do it herself/etc. does anyone have a guide or resources for how to give an injection?

    • For anyone 2 alcohol swabs, one for the vial and one on the body, aspirate before injecting (if you see blood try a different spot, yes it hurts but HRT isn't intravenous) and make sure to rub the area for a min after for all the oils and put a bandage (optional) to keep the area extra clean. Never do a shot to the backside of the legs since you have all sorts of nerves there and its how people/animals would get paralysis after shots. Always use a clean needle when drawing since that's how you get icky infections otherwise.

      Would look up an IM (intramuscular) injection guide, they used to have vids of nurses giving people thigh shots, that's probably one of the easier ones to DIY. Subq (subcutaneous) uses shorter needles and you can get away with the stomach, very similar to insulin shots, though absorption rate is slower and I'm not sure how well that works out for E.

  • why do i keep getting so scared and nervous even just watching trans voice lessons on youtube? forget following along, i can't even get myself to simply watch the videos, what the hell?

    • It's hard, and it's something you need to practice a lot over time. In general learning new skills is difficult to maintain. Especially if you're not interested in the mechanics of voice and sound, it can be a slog.

      Unlike doing HRT or hair removal, which we can just do and move on, voice training is something we feel we can fail at. So there's the added anxiety of "I can't do this" or "I'm fucking up so much" or "this isn't actually me" or "this feels like a fake cartoon voice".

      It's a looooong process. Trans voice lessons said that your new voice becomes natural when you use it on accident at least 50% of the time. I can't even maintain it for an evening while trying, let alone doing it on accident lol.

      All of these factors lead it to be anxiety inducing, imo.

      HOWEVER, it's also one of the things you can pretty much practice anywhere, and it's free, so it's a lot more accessible than other things. Also, it's got me interested in singing, and I'm loving it.

    • Yeah, I'm struggling so hard with just getting properly started myself. I've spent the past three weeks doing some daily vocal exercises, then I found out a few days ago that they're pretty much useless and based on incorrect information, so now I'm back to square one :(

      I'm considering just paying for a few lessons with a voice coach, I don't think I'm able to do this on my own

    • It's terrifying and dysphoria inducing. Every person I know that attempted to voice train from these videos was terrified in some manner at some point, so don't feel bad. I know it was difficult for myself as well.

      • I keep having bad experiences with it where my friends straight up don't even notice I'm trying. I was talking with my friend and switched to a subtly "femme" voice while talking about the idea of voice training and this bitch turns to me with a bright smile and says "You should try your voice training right now" like i hadn't already been doing for the last 45 seconds

        my other friend told me "idk i just hear [my name]" when i tried switching. holy fuck i'm putting such effort and thought into what i'm saying and people straight up don't fucking notice

      • I took voice lessons in person (my health insurance covers most of that) and i've never struggled with the usual stuff like dysphoria from listening to the recordings, i view my voice as an instrument and not as something that's inherently part of me. But i had a breakdown at some point where i didn't know if i want to go on and another moment where i really questioned which voice goals to set. I just reached the point eventually were i seriously wondered how much effort i want to put into passing when it isn't needed for my own comfort - i don't get dysphoria when my voice is in an androgynous range, so if i would go further than i am now, i would only be doing it for cis people, to assimilate into their weird, butchphobic notion of womanhood, and that just destroys all of my motivation to keep actually working on my voice, even though i'm one of the few trans people who actually enjoys voice training.

    • It's really fun hard. Took me a while and also I'm still no good at all

  • i watched i saw the glow earlier (it has torrents up for it now so go watch it if you havent yet) and i dont rly have words to describe how it effected me. but ive been on the verge of crying all day lmao

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