What song should I play for my bathroom neighbors?
The work bathroom is currently a warzone, on their phone speakers people like to play music, play games at full blast, and one guy likes to chill to ambient rainforest. What song can I play to passive aggressively make it known that I don't want to listen to their tik tok feeds while I work out my demons?
This seems like a good time to get on my soap box.
Every bathroom should have a cheap white noise machine. I don't need the detailed auditory experience of someone else's bowels. This would also probably help with OPs problem.
You need to find the natural resonance frequency of the room, or stall, and make that noise. The whole room will be a huge subwoofer.
But all these tips aside, am I the only one to think that it's shameful to be on my phone on the toilet with sound so that others hear? Especially in the workplace? What kind of workplace is this? Median/average age?
Now, listen,here is the important part:
You do not play all four songs in a row,oh no.
You play the first song in a loop for days, every time you go to the loo. Maybe even place a loudspeaker with a motion sensor there.
Then you stop. And once they feel secure again, when they pull out their stupid phones again, then you strike again. With the same song!
Then,after a while you stop again. Wait for a while. Of course, they have learned and then expect the previous song again. But nooo! Another one,not one bit better than the first one.
Here's what you do. You hire local police to stand outside your stall. Then you connect your phones bluetooth up to the offices speakers that are EVERYWHERE. After you've done this, you start playing Goldbergs WCW theme. Then one of the guards bangs on the door, and you come out in your boxers.
Now hang on, because this is where it gets crazy. As you storm out of the stall, you rip other stall doors down while screaming like a beast. Then you storm out of the bathroom, and thats when the sparks and pyro is going off. Keep in mind, that goldberg theme is still playing over all those speakers in the ceiling. You're breathing smoke. There's explosions, and you're just giving everyone the crazy eyes as you walk back to your cubicle. Then for no reason you punt the little deskside trash can CLEAR across the room with trash flying everywhere.
I mean......it's going to cost about $600,000 to do this one time poop, and I imagine you maaaaaaaay have some difficulty securing local cops to come guard your bathroom stall because you want to make one kickass reason to get fired. I mean, you could always use mall security off duty, but it's just not the same.
You'll have an interesting story at your next interview though.....