When was the last time you felt helpless in life?

OP you sound exactly like me at that age. I was diagnosed with kidney disease at 16 and got a transplant after one year of dialysis at age 27.

Things were amazing after that but now I've got terminal cancer at age 41.

Make the most of everything you've got while you still can.

I am also an artist and musician who suffers from high blood pressure! I don't know your whole medical history so I can only tell you what works best for me.

The biggest two things I've done to keep it under control are quit drinking and change my diet. It's helped me lose a lot of weight and lowered my blood pressure significantly! I've always played my guitar when I'm feeling stressed and that helps a lot but lately I've also taken up cross stitch which has been IMMENSELY helpful to me! It's relaxing but it also requires quite a bit of focus so I can get out of my own head and calm down. The other thing I do that's even more helpful is just going out walking! I started out just walking around the block but now I go 4 or 5 miles with no trouble lol!

I do take a very low dose of blood pressure medication, but my doctor has told me if I lose about 15 more pounds I won't have to keep taking it anymore!

I hope this was helpful!

You just gotta try to hang on. Life as you get older is a total question of wtf is going to happen next.

I’m in one of those cycles.

1. Covid
2. Walked in on my dad almost dead from undiagnosed cancer and my childhood home trashed because everything fell apart when he was looking after my mom who has early onset dementia
3. 2 weeks later my dad dies & I am visiting the hospital during the height of Covid. My mom has to live in the hospital and doesn’t know who I am anymore. She doesn’t know her husband died.
4. Cancer scare. I think it will be fine? They’re still testing.
5. Husband lost his job. I am the only breadwinner.
6. Sister in abusive relationship with a severely mentally unstable husband who is spending all of their money. I fear every day he is going to kill her and their kids. She can’t kick him out of the house because he is on disability and can’t afford his own place.
7. Substantial changes at my job leading to feelings of mega insecurity for me.

Oh yeah and my mom isn’t even dead yet!

But I’ve also had some really great experiences during this time that I wouldn’t trade for the world.

If psychedelics are safe for you and you have no history of mental illness in your family I would strongly suggest that.

practically everyday.

I had an uncle who went on bp meds at 16. It kept him from being drafted and he passed at age 82. Sometimes it's just genetics. The concern with high blood pressure is what it does to your body over time. Take your meds - keeping it down will help prevent/limit damage and risk. Check your bp regularly to share with your doc. There are several different types of meds and it's not unusual to need more than one type to keep it steady. 150 is high for your age, but not usually emergency level, especially if you're asymptomatic, unless your doc has given you other guidelines.

Tuesday. Ended up in the ER with a massive pain in my side, felt like I had ruptured something.

Turns out it was "Epiploic Appendagitis", which is kind of like appendicitis but on the other side. I call it "Table of Contentsitis".

Not dangerous, just hurts like fuck so they loaded me up with hydromorphone.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4644543

"hydromorphone is five to ten times more potent than morphine".

I was diagnosed with high blood pressure and tachycardia as a skinny teenager, and I'm healthier than I've been since childhood now, in my late 30s. You're not automatically doomed!

I went thru 4 or 5 meds initially, and finally settled on a beta blocker, which i love because it has anti-anxiety effects. I was also on a second med for a long time, but my numbers are finally getting better as i get older.

I know it sounds lame, but yoga helps me so much. I haven't had an easy life, I'm queer and sorta lived in my car here and there, but yoga helps me feel less out-of-control.

Last time I felt helpless was a little less than a decade ago when I was in active heroin addiction. I knew I had a problem, I really wanted to quit, and I tried hard to quit... and I kept ignoring myself and using anyway.

I ended up finally succeeding in staying clean after like 5 or 6 relapses, with each clean period lasting longer than the previous. Now I've been clean for a little over 8 years.

I haven't felt powerless or helpless since.

Here's my advice. Put one foot in front of the other and walk forwards. Just take it a day at a time and worry about what's immediately in front of you.

I'm sorry you're dealing with a mystery health condition, and especially so young. I've been through much the same. Eventually, gradually, you come to get used to how your body works now and health(/death) isn't always at the forefront of your mind. Hobbies and distractions do help, even something as simple a reading, watching movies, listening to audiobooks, bird-watching, whatever works best for you.

I would also recommend that you measure your heart rate and blood pressure while lying down versus while standing up. This is how I found out that I have postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome (POTS) -- which is a long name that means, essentially, my body cannot properly regulate my heart rate, causing it to skyrocket when I'm not laying down. It's not an uncommon condition, but it is one that most medical professionals will not think of to test for.

Marcus Aurelius was helpful to me - don't be sad about the things you've lost, be grateful about what you've gained. He was specifically talking about the loss of a child. Some people are angry at God because he took away their child to soon. We should be grateful for even the short amount of time we had with that child. I have been able to apply it to so many other situations as well. Just living in constant gratitude can make your life so much better.

I’m not an nihilist, I’m the opposite of that. But facing my own mortality every second of life has hit me hard.

My sibling, You are not alone in living in constant terror of medical maladies that doctors have no interest in pursuing further than symptomatic treatment.

I am in the same boat. I have seen half a dozen doctors, all at great personal expense cause I dont have insurance, and been in the ER dozens times in the past 10 years.

and all I have is a handwave and "its probably anxiety". Sure, I have anxiety. I have anxiety cause my heart rates over 200 for no reason. because my chest feels like an elephants sitting on it. because it feels like a flaming fist has Kali-Ma'd its way into my chest and is squeezing down in my heart. The anxiety didnt cause that shit. That shit caused the anxiety.

As proven when they stick that big beautiful syringe of Ativan or other powerful anxiety med in my IV and I go off to no-fucks given land, yet all my symptoms stay. Just now I dont care anymore cause I'm floating on rainbows amidst femboy angels.

But hey, my cardiac enzymes are good, and my EKG is clean (despite the 200bpm) so it just must all be in my head.

Now. For the last decade, honestly.

All the alcoholism in both sides of my family, and I'm fretting about my liver, when I'm taking less than the recommended dose of a prescribed medication that could change my life if I could take more.

And I'm on a COPD inhaler and I've never touched any death sticks at all.

Life isn't fair, I 100% feel you.

I also literally felt you when they put me on amitriptyline and that gave me hbp and they kept trying to act like it wasn't that big a deal- that with all my other health problems, my blood pressure would start getting off, and I'd have stress, yadda yadda.

It really does feel physically horrible, especially the headaches and sleep issues.

My biggest advice is to never be afraid about a second- or third or fourth opinion with your health, and be gentle but persistent with your goals.

Its the art of pushing without breaking.

Now, this is the experience for me and some unhealthy overachievers, so take the following with a grain of salt:

A lot of times people with underlying health issues actually function their whole lives by pushing until they crash, but hide their crash, and just assume everyone else hides the meltdowns/16-hour sleeps/weekly puke sessions/etc too.

If that happens to describe you, then you're going to need to get comfortable with giving just 25% effort in a lot of things until you can safely figure out how to actually not hurt yourself.

I'm serious.

Step out of your skin, and treat yourself as you would your precious little sibling or something. Dote on yourself.

Aaand I've typed too much. It gets my own stuff going. But good luck.

Now I've had a flare up of ulcerative colitis for most of the year and I was in hospital about a month ago and discharged after 6 days which was a month ago. I'm now back in hospital because my disease didn't improve at home and now it looked like I was responding to the treatment in hospital but things are going they way they went after I was discharged so fuck knows what they'll do. I've a specialist nurse in charge of my general care and a consultant who calls the shots on the treatment. The nurse wants me on a medication that's taken as an IV ASAP and the consultant wants me to take the previous prescribed medication that hasn't worked despite working in 48 hours according to the manufacturer. So as the current treatment probably won't work I fucking hope that the consultant don't just decide "eh fuck it, let's just open up his bowel and give the fucker a stoma bag"

I'm not in the US by the way I'm the UK and the NHS where I live is actually pretty good and the staff in general is great I'm the hospital I'm in and my nurse is great. I just don't really like my consultant as any time he's seen me in hospital it's only for a minute asking how I've been and then he fucks off. It's like he's not interested in really finding out things in depth whereas the nurse and I will discuss things and she'll explain why certain foods are harmful for me during a flare and how to work around that and she'll explain the medication I'm on.

I'm in my 30s and feel completely hopeless right now. It comes and goes, I'll be great for a few years then everything collapses for a few. Right now I'm staring down an expensive major surgery, losing a series of very important people in my life, divorce, work burnout. Just got to take it as best you can and try to find some goals to point toward

My current hobbies include doing as many physical activities as I can to keep my mind off things, painting minis, and playing ukulele. Do what you can to have good sleeping habits. My sleep is garbage and it makes everything 10x harder. As always, don't forget to drink water

Seeing people around you partying, having gone through my own drugs and alcohol phase, it's not all that worth it really. At least for me at any rate. I was much happier after I got a better feel for what I actually wanted in life instead of trying to use alcohol to fit in. I was like 27-28 when I figured that out

Lately I've felt helpless in that I can't seem to get out of this rut. Other times in my life that I can think of was when I was getting paid minimum wage and couldn't pay the debt I was dumb and racked up many years ago. Another time was when I was in an abusive relationship that I didn't understand that I could end.

I'm sure there are many others but those stand out to me at the moment.

Hi. I'm really sorry you're going through this. It sounds really scary. I'm wondering if you have some other condition going on. Is it possible this is related to any other physical conditions? Is getting a thorough physical workup doable?

That being ruled out, maybe you could talk to a counselor with regard to your stressors, physical and mental? Are you getting plenty of fresh air and sun? Vitamin d is amazing for so many things, and it's best when you can get enough from sunlight. Plus just walking several times a week is great. Maybe nutrition coaching is also a possibility?

We're all humans. In some way, shape, or form, we all feel helpless about one thing or another to an extent. People are poorly built for independence, especially if talking about in the form of single person homes, nuclear families, and jobs that involve a routine that's set in stone. There is no such thing as complete soundness of mind, and parenting without the co-parenting help of the village is a huge balancing act. We are also often caught off-guard by the sheer complexity of some of the matters we face as well as those others face, with many moving parts we can piece together while others are perpetually in our blind spots. All those people you mention who go partying and drinking, although they may argue they're living to the fullest in our crude world, take their perception of how experience works for granted. I've seen people whom everyone looks at with awe as the person soars to new heights before they are hit with a chronic medical condition, the one thing money can never protect you from. I myself have been reminded of my own unchangeable limits, having just the right set of circumstances that take my friends and family away from me, being pressured into resuming a past relative's residence which moved me away from friends by a few hundred miles and invoked jealousy in my remaining family members. The truth will always be that humans will find it more ideal to be unconditionally generous and interdependent onto each other, without the cue of any system of thinking, which will be especially true as the complexity of existence increases and our intelligence grows which will cause more mental disorder to arise. I might have anhedonia, the medical community's name for what comes off to them as a lack of motivational feelings towards the world, but I still can feel when the world lacks what it suffers without.

OP, try an LCHF diet, see if that helps your high blood pressure. Worth a shot?

Searching hypertension.. Wikipedia shows me this:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Essential_hypertension However its safest to rule out any other causes https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Secondary_hypertension

Hey OP not sure what music you are into but this song might hit hard with you. Theres also a bit of a message from the artist at the end that i found to be worth listening to to whole video.

This may be uncomfortable for some, my apologies to anyone who would have preferred not to listen

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s_nc1IVoMxc

My life right now is on a countdown timer, a very slow one at that. It's tied to the rotting decay of my teeth. The oral surgeries, dental implants and all of that I know will cost me thousands even with insurance. It's something I elect not to face and deal with because in doing so, it'll pit me in either a life of debt or I'll be spending a life with no chance of having any kind of enjoyment with whatever gains I make because it'll all be spent just dealing with one expense after another.

I know the severities of what happens if you choose not to deal with oral health. I also suspect that I am feeling some of the effects of it as well. Rather than feeling continual hopelessness about it, I just do what I can, brush my teeth knowing it's pointless because they're going to all go away by the time I'm 45 or 50.

It sucks dude, I got a thing with my stomach after being nervous and having a weird/high heartrate my whole life. Wish I had some better advice but sometimes there are still good days. Art helps, It helps me even more when I channel my more sinister thinking into it and sometimes it's a shitty place to go. Have to feel out my moods carefully and it sucks. Ranting about it sometimes like this helps too, don't be shy to do it more either. Don't ever fall into the trap of 'others have it worse' it's ok to be mad at things sucking in your own life, I think anyway. It's also good to focus on those few things that make it not suck for a little or suck less, thats how I get by.

Got put on BP meds at 15... 15 years later still on them... I tried a bunch of different ones but the one I've been on longest has helped the most. As a child I had a mostly healthy diet and plenty of exercise with sports and extra activities. Guess that means I'll just be taking it daily for life :^(

Edit: forgot to mention I still have near constant palpitations and mildly high BP/heart rate even while on meds AND laying down :^)

About 2 years ago I got diagnosed with a very bad case of osteoporosis. I'm 37 now and my bones are shockingly fragile. Saturday I moved to a new gaff, carrying a box upstairs, slightly bumping the box into my side on the banister. I felt how one of my ribs broke.

It is super annoying. Meds can't really fix it though since other meds for another condition are likely causing the low bone density. I don't know how many years this will take off my life expectancy or when I'll have to start using crutches.

now

Pfft, like every other day.

E: Sorry, looking back this sounds insensitive but I do mean it. It's tough doing the basic things sometimes but I'm trying.

Blood pressure charts are made by 100lb 5ft4in doctors who run a mile every day and live on a diet of kale and insist everyone should measure the same way.

You're fine bro.

Your worrying about your blood pressure is raising your blood pressure.