"...you'll be dead, just like everyone else, and no amount of stonks will prevent this. And if you do manage to survive somehow, the EMPs from the nukes will destroy everything keeping track of your imaginary money anyway."
Jokes on you, I have this super-special water purification chip that works all the time! I'll just put it in this Vault to be safe and useful for later!
Believe it or not, "It's a Mistake" by Men At Work? The "it's a mistake" is actually referring to your poor investment decisions. You gotta get on that sigma male world war stonk market grindset, bro.
I've got a post ww3 bit idea. While our organs are melting from the fallout, we find the author of this article and tell him that he gave bad advice in this article and all our investments went up in smoke. Delivered with flat affect, and punctuated with "thanks for nothing, jackass", while you bleed from every orfice on your face.