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  • Pretty good, I've made a few adjustments though, tell me what you think:

    [COOKIE MONSTER]: Heh, sometimes that just way cookie crumbles amigo...

    COOKIE MONSTER cocks gun, smokes entire cigarette by mashing it in his flapping jaws

    [COOKIE MONSTER]: and sometimes cookie crumbles you...

    ...

    • You would not be able to see the cigarette through his lip fur. This will be one unbroken facial closeup like a spaghetti western.

  • This is terrible, I can see that you're going for "reversal of roles" as a theme with the cookie crumbling you, but you're making it very difficult for us, the audience, to understand that symbology and follow along. Instead of that, I would suggest that you write it so that the cigarette turns into a person, rolls up MAN 2 and smokes him, followed by the gun turning into another person, cocking the cigarette which has smoked MAN 2 and then transforming again into MAN 2. That would make the scene much more readable.

    • MAN 2's gimmick is that he smokes an entire cigarette before every kill, leaving the audience at a point of dramatic climax as they wait ten minutes for him to finish each joke before he shoots the criminal in the head.

      • If that's the case, may I suggest that they also roll their own cigarettes and likes to have an amicable conversation with the victim to throw them off guard a little bit while doing it - they're rolling that cigarette up until they go to lick the paper and then suddenly they're giving a Kubrick stare to signify they have reached the peak of their derangement!

20 comments