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ashinadash [she/her] @hexbear.net

Can you tell me honestly why you thought it was okay to encourage (or at least not discourage) me to post like that?

Not /j, /srs.

I was looking back over my posts, and that was my honest reaction. It's not very nice to keep autistic children around as your goofy lolcow, you know. Friends don't let friends post cringe. In your own words, I want to know why you thought it was fine to act like the kind of fuckin internet posting I do was fine, and that I should continue to do so, more, worse. Does that really seem like a good idea to you? Go look at those comments and say it to my face, fucker.

If you didn't, you are obligated to share with the class why you didn't offer even an ounce of dissent about it. There's a point past which politeness becomes condescending, and many months ago you could have saved everyone a ton of trouble, if you'd just said "this is terrible" or maybe even "lol cringe" at some point. It would have been mean, but it would have been less mean than sitting back and alllowing the high volumes of horror and embarrassment that ensued to happen. I mean, really.

If you disagree, I'd like to invite you to consider that you're wrong, and whoever gave me the ability to think and transcribe those thoughts with a keyboard has a lot to answer for. I looked at the megathreads today, and seeing people even partially attribute the 2500+ comment threads to my repulsive disaster posting is awful. There are people who actually post things of value in those threads.

87 comments

  • Your self perception and how other people perceive you have like no correlation whatsoever lol. The people have spoken and the people think you're cool

    • They are always saying this, which seems unlikely. How can this level of obnoxious not be insufferable to at least somebody?

  • come on ash, your posts were always good and had value, fight me about it. sry but not gonna affirm you putting yourself down like this. "lolcow" "cringe" "repulsive" nobody sees it that way but you. you wouldn't talk about someone else in the community that way, you don't get to do it to yourself. this is just bullying. glad you're back but sorry you're feeling this way, seems like a really negative and frankly hateful perspective on yourself which isn't reflective of how anyone here views you really. this kind of self flagellation is completely unnecessary. I'm sorry if this is harsh but "condescending politeness" seems like a really disordered view of the reception to your posts, I and many others sincerely appreciated them, looked forward to them even and missed them while you were away. the idea that traa users were just tolerating your presence is simply not the case. we weren't all playing a big joke on you. you're actually a highly valued member of the community and you posting a lot was very much welcome. I'm sorry you're feeling this way, i totally know how that goes. but if you're able, you have to try to to look on yourself with the same kindness and grace you always extended to people on here. I know it's really fuckin hard sometimes. really am glad you're back.

    • I am still mildly proud of bullying Whipping Girl, it's not exactly the 5D chess of theory but given the lack of spoons I managed to put words in the computer. Sometimes my posting is pretty sick.

      However I'm utterly unconvinced that nobody else in the community holds this negative and hateful perspective on me. Hexbear is too polite a place for it, but it's out there, I am certain. I do know people have liked my postings (thank you) because every now and then I go over my comment sections and whatever, but being embarrassingly bad to the point of offense at talking to people wears on a person. What actually happened is that I realised I have this little brain-voice that tells me I am dogshit, and I was posting loudly and constantly. Mostly this was born from a genuine commitment to unmasking and posting honestly, but secretly also the positive replies and stuff were staving off the brain-voice. I didn't feel like this was a healthy relationship to socialising, even online, so I just stopped, and that basically crushed out the "fuck it we ball" energy I'd built up. That's how I got here.

      I know that there is no coordinated "big joke" because that would be goofy, but it only takes someone thinking shitty things about me and not outwardly saying for it to become at least a little joke. And since the space is too nice to tolerate outwardly saying shitty things to people...

      Thank you for saying though, I have been cooking up posts to make everyone regret ever saying anything nice in this thread !

  • it's good to post cringe actually, my posting has gotten worse over the years and I love it

    • Everyone else should certainly post "cringe" because their definition is very broad. People think simply making an effortpost is cringe, not overly serious.

  • OMG SHE'S BACK

    Also, embrace cringe. Cringe is just a negative word for sincerity.

    • It pretty much is, and I hate cringe culture as it exists as well, here I'm trying to weaponise it primarily for indicating who is really annoying and pissing people off all the time.

      I tried "embracing cringe", which you can tell based on how often I spilt my guts on here. It kind of hurts though, because it turns out you can't really just raw-dog anxiety forever.

  • I think you are cool.

    It's not very nice to keep autistic children around as your goofy lolcow, you know.

    Nah, Hexbear's lolcows are Ldditors who get repeatedly posted on /c/slop. I think one of them is PugJesus(?) or something.

    • Perhaps having the slop comm is socially useful in that making liberals the targeted outgroup for derision (deserved) keeps the bearsite from having any ugly inter-user conflict on that level? Is c/slop 5D chess?

  • I want to know why you thought it was fine to act like the kind of fuckin internet posting I do was fine

    I don't remember your exact posts, but I am always going to remember how you made me feel when I was first figuring out gender. I remember you being compassionate, and kind, and explaining things to me. I remember feeling hopelessly alone, lost, and dysphoric. And you'd almost always have something to say to me or offer. I distinctly remember posting and hoping you were still awake so we could talk a little bit. I remember talking long into the night with you. I remember how comfy you made me feel. That was extremely valuable to me and I miss you a lot.

    I've posted a lot of horrifically cringe things in the mega over the last year. Things I hope no one remembers, even if I think about them all the time.

    • Threadwinner thus far

      I like that I had a positive impact on someone, and my borderline insomnia did too, lol lmao.

      I don't always catch your posts before they get

      'd but they have never made me cringe, honestly. Too earnest and decent, y'know?

  • sorry nerd, i love your posting and presence and i'm glad to see you back. pistols at dawn if you want to fight about it

    • Why, but also a duel I will surely lose

      • lots of reasons, but if i had to be brief...

        i really enjoy your passionposting! it gives me an immense amount of joy to see other people enthusing about the things they love. i like how engaged and active you are in the community, i like your dedication to deworming people's brains, and i really appreciate how in-depth your knowledge of your chosen topics is. on a more personal note one of your posts about asexuality expressed something my partner couldn't for the life of her put into words, so even without all the rest of it i'd always be positively inclined towards you for that reason.

        i think you are an overall boon to this community, and i'm very clearly not alone. every time you leave there are plenty of comments wishing you well and hoping for your eventual return.

        basically i like you and there's nothing you can do about it. now draw!

  • I didn't think your posts were cringe, so either that makes me more cringe, or your cringe isn't actually all that cringe, and you're being hard on yourself unjustly. Trust me, this is math.

    Trust me, I made a New Vegas effort-comment on the millitary structure of the NCR, and how to make it fresh and sensible.

    Anyways, welcome back!

    • I actually want to say, in universe iirc the NCR has at least some heavy industry. They have working vertibirds and stuff (long after the Enclave disbanded) at Hoover Dam, they mint their own currency. While it wouldn't fit with their military ethos, it wouldn't surprise me if they'd come up with replacement parts for power armour too and learned how to pilot it. The biggest issue is clearly that NCR power armour was a pointless nostalgia grab built to sell skins in Fallout 76 :^) good effortpost.

      Also math is apex cringe, practitioners of math are ableist reactionaries.

      • Thanks! I agree that they do have some heavy industry, and it would make sense for them to develop, I just didn't like the mish-mash of traditional millitarism with the expeditionary Rangers, lol

  • Because your posting is valuable, unique, and entertaining. Entertaining in a genuine "this is written in such a fun way" and distinctly not a lolcow way.

    if you'd just said "this is terrible" or maybe even "lol cringe" at some point.

    You would have beaten us into submission

  • Honestly I don't think I've come across your posts or paid attention to them enough to recognize you but I went through your comment history and I do not find it cringe.

    • They are looking at my comments. The visceral horror of being on the receiving end of perception

      Add a tally every time I put my foot in my mouth or piss somebody off when doing so!

  • I don't know if this is in reference to a particular post kr anything, I'm guessing it's regarding the long-form video game analysis? But i did notice you were gone and missed your posting. I don't think it's cringe at all

    • I mean it's kinda cringe to be obsessed with 8bit rpgs or whatever to the point you play several of them to rewrite your own history of them, but my standalone posts like that are usually okay at least. Also ty, but imagine posting unironically etc

  • i genuinely thought you and your posts were pretty cool and still do. cringe culture sucks, you're not cringe and no one else is either. i really hope you're ok comrade

    • Why, but thanks... For me, cringe is when you annoy the fuck out of people, I guess. It is true generally that nobody else on hb is cringe =)

      I'm not dead I guess, so that's something!

  • you're back, I'm incapable of liking anything ironically and I still think your postings on gender are great, posting gender acceleration manifesto helped me realize I'm
    so if nothing else hope that helps. I'm also pretty
    so I do worry how I come off too but I really don't think anyone is fucking with you

    • The bearzone deserves a better class of gender accelerationist than this befuddled autist, but I'm glad to serve that role if I can.

      Someone is ALWAYS fucking with me, I can tell because it's impossible to read social cues even irl, so it follows I am missing things.

      • Thanks again for the gender postings and if it helps you always got my support for your postings. Your passion and sincerity make it worth reading everything you have to say even as my attention span dwindles with my age

        also really like your video game postings
        it's rare to find someone as interested in 06 as I am.

87 comments