underreacting @ underreacting @literature.cafe

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2 mo. ago

Try not to "blame" the baby for why she can't keep her old life - it's hard enough having your family dynamics change so massively going from solo child to having a baby sibling, having it be extra tumultuous because of the baby can really strain their early relationship and be a bigger risk of her acting out or regressing to get her old life back. So you're not staying here because of the baby; you're here because you and mom decided it would be nice to have an extra long vacation and be near the hospital.

I've never heard a woman complain or be confused about not being asked out by strangers.

It seems like your sources are a fair step into the manosphere, and you and your sons would have a lot to gain by distancing yourself from that kind of influence. Nothing is as unattractive as bitterness, and you are sounding dangerously close to bitter here, and your attitude will influence your sons approach to life and relationships.

I want to see my planted apple tree bear fruit for the first time (it's looking good this year so far!), and then I want to try splicing in a branch of my neighbours cherry tree, and then I want to keep building gradually to have a mutant tree with all kinds of fruit throughout the season. I'll be the creator of my own Tree of Life.

Small goals, small joys, small triumphs - it's what'll make my life grand, I believe.

This may sound silly, but it happens to me more often than not that I forget the simplest solution when I wake up from pain: Did you take pain relief medication and wait 30-60 min before giving up on sleep?

Oof, that's rough..

If it's been 19 years and no change in sight, it seems it's up to you to create the changes you're hoping for.

The real horror is that the person panics when they can't find their phone. They are just chilling at home, they know the phone is somewhere in the home, they don't need it right now and they don't have to leave anywhere.

The phone will turn up. It's just a gadget, you won't miss it if it's gone for an hour or so.

(I may be jaded from misplacing stuff so frequently)

Because you got caught staring at someone's chest-area?

I know this is old, but I liked pondering the question because I made me sappy as heck, so I'll share it with you:

Music is like a cheat-code to life, especially my internal life. The music I listen to determines my emotions, my energy level, my focus and drive, and what activities I want to do. Without music playing I'm like an empty shell. With music I recognise my existence.

I am not musical myself and I know nothing of production or quality, only what I enjoy and how it makes me feel. I was born to be an audience, and that's a huge part of who I am and how I operate daily.

For a layperson I have a very good knowledge of my country's laws, but there are more laws I don't know than I do know, so I can't really answer this question. The laws I know I understand, and thus they seem reasonable enough for me.

How they are enforced though... With high burden of proof comes low rates of convictions, for better and worse. I'm privileged enough that the system mostly works in my favour so can't really speak on that either, as I lack nuanced experiences.

Personally I'm more happy to not have been sentenced for any of my own potential infractions, than I am pissed to have my offenders/attackers never even questioned by police. I can get justice in other ways than through criminal law anyway.

Spiders.

They protect my plants from gnats and hide out during the day to not disturb or frighten me. Best roommates I've ever had.

It's crazy. My short stint working in child care I would always call the male parent first if I had their contacts, but it seems deeply ingrained in people to consider a mother "parent" and father "helper".

Maybe they'd be more comfortable calling you if you called them every day "just to check up, to see how the kid is doing", making it abundantly (and annoyingly) clear that you have nothing but time for your kid. And encourage your wife to respond "Have you called the primary contact?" whenever someone calls her.

I only have my own phone calendar, no shared alternatives unfortunately, but there is a multitude of options when you search for "family calendars". Or create a personal calendar for your child with both of you having the password and colour code it for who is responsible for each entry.

Of course. I was focusing on the doing or recieving part and completely missed the second part: Are you a botherer and bothered OF/BY or ABOUT god?

It can be either one, so I'd say it depends on how religious and/or deranged the speaker is. Like you said - most would say it's about god, while I was deranged enough to interpret it as being a direct communication with a god.

I've been struggling to not see it as explosion/outward expansion. This really helped!

Hmm. Probably no one.

Small amounts are weird to need "no questions asked" and large amounts are too large to give away "no questions asked". Partly for me financially, but mostly because there is a not insignificant risk of overdose if you give out large sums of money to someone being cagey about why they need it.

If they can't tell me what a significant amount of money is for, it's probably because it's something I don't want my money to go to, so I'm not inclined to agree under those premises.

At the least I would need a very good reason for why I can't ask questions ("I'm preparing to vacation as a fugitive, and don't want you to have to testify"), but by then there is no longer no questions asked...

Talk through how you want to deal with this in your family, but here are some suggestions:

Give daycare, pediatrics, classmates parents, and family and friends your contact info and instruct them to call you first hand for appointments, meetings or emergencies. Don't ignore calls from babysitters, daycare or medical staff regardless of how important your current meeting is. You're the primary contact.

A lot of them will still probably call your wife first no matter how hard you enforce this, so enforcing this will split the burden and responsibility.

Make sure you know your child's SSN, birthday, allergies, sizes, current number of socks, favourite toys, and teachers and friends. Dress them for the weather they will be in throughout the day, and always pack extra because they will get wet or dirty or lose stuff.

Keep a family calendar where you can see appointments, and make sure to take a majority of those appointments if possible (plenty of responsibility will be pushed onto your wife regardless).

Add playmates and family members birthdays and other events to the calendar, and go shopping for gifts at least a few weeks before, without being prompted by anything other than the calendar. Wrap the gifts yourself or pay for wrapping at the store.

Let your wife know (or maybe add a checkbox to the calendar and check it off when the preparations are done) that it's taken care of if it's a shared task, but don't bother her with it if it's your specific job - that's your responsibility and nothing she needs to keep in mind at all.

Keep count of diapers and socks and formula etc, and buy new (in the right size) without being prompted. You don't need instructions for every little thing regarding your own child, you can take responsibility without being given it.

Everyone I would give my money to would give that reason unprompted so I wouldn't have to ask.

Except kids, they might ask just to see if it works, and then I would ask to know what for.

I don't think I've ever been asked to give away something without being offered a reason, actually...

It depends on if the subject of the sentence (the person) is doing the thing (being active) or having the thing done to them (being passive). Think like this:

A helper (help-ER) is someone who is helping/doing the help. A caller (call-ER) is calling someone else. A botherer (bother-ER) is someone who is doing the bothering.

Someone who is recieving bother is being bothered (bother-ED), one who is getting help is being helped (help-ED), or getting calls is being called (call-ED).

God-botherer is someone who is god-bothering (bothering god). God-bothered is someone being bothered by god.

What's the point of voting if one vote can completely invalidate the massive majoritys vote?

Sleep mask covering my eyes. My chambers may be flooded with light to chase away the ghouls of darkness, yet not a hint of light will reach my vision to disturb my slumber.

Also the tightness feels kinda comforting, and I've started to associate it with good sleep and fall asleep faster now because of it

Ps. And no energy drink, coffee or caffeinated or sugary soda past 16.