Yessss this so much. There is so much opportunity cost due to being trans. Like having to wasting time on various transition related things and also working and saving money for surgeries just to reach the baseline of other people, like I could spend this money on so many other things, but I just can’t. It sucks so much😵‍💫😭

It’s quite hard not to😭 I feel like I’d be stressing too if I was out to my friends, like I feel that I’d be missing out on things that would not happen if I was open about being trans, and it’s risky career-wise as I’m in medschool and connections and reputation matter a lot as it’s kind of small community😵‍💫 idk in any case my goal is to be fully stealth by the age of 25 or I’ll off myself, so I have to minimize all risk😅

I might consider it, but I’m just scared of his reaction, especially because he knows where I live and we live like 5-10 minutes from each other😭

I hate that it has to be so difficult to be trans😭 There seem to be awful trade-offs both when stealth and non-stealth. Are you fully stealth or out to friends?

Yup, the Nordic countries are absolutely awful in that regard. I’m planning on leaving and as crazy as it sounds the US is a possible choice for me.

Canada is pretty good, definitely one of the better countries in the world when it comes to gender affirming care. The Netherlands has awfully long waitlists for HRT, but if you’ve already started HRT and have a gender dysphoria diagnosis you might be able to skip the waitlist. Portugal is alright from what I hear, but I don’t know much about what it’s like.

Generally the best countries in Europe in terms of GAC seem to be Spain, France and Germant. Also keep in mind that injectable estradiol is basically unavailable in almost all of Europe. Only a few countries such as Czechia and Slovakia have it on the market.

I’m assuming from your username that you are trans, so I just wanted to mention that gender affirming care in the blue US states eclipses basically any other country. I’ve seen a good amount of posts by Americans who’ve moved here to the Nordic countries and were surprised at the truly awful gender affirming care. So definitely make sure to research which countries are decent for trans people when looking at possible options.

But did you tell them before or after being intimate? I feel like that complicates the situation as I’ve intimate with him (but not had sex)

I think my issue is also breaking stealth to disclose. Most people I meet in my day to day life are people with whom I have mutual friends, so I’d risk outing myself to my friends if I disclose to these men😅

Idk generally I do deal with anxiety so it might be because of that, but maintaining stealth is my number one priority in life. I do often think about whether maintaining stealth is worth having massively reduced dating options😵‍💫

I haven’t dated much, only been on 5 dates before, so I don’t have much experience😅 In this case he knows where I live and I can’t guarantee a positive outcome, so I won’t risk being assaulted. Generally I also avoid dating stealth as I feel it’s not too viable for me as, even though I seem to pass/be stealth, I still have some clockable features, but it has definitely been nice to just be seen and treated as any other woman🥹

Idk it’s kind of sad, but I can’t do much in this situation. But yaa I should be focused on studying anyway🥲

Kind of a side-track, but where have you had the most success when dating? I’ve tried some awful apps, but I met this guy through a friend.

Will be seeing a cute guy I met recently again today, but I don't think he knows I'm trans, so it'll be the last time I see him. So yaa, quite sad about that🥲

Somewhat positively though, I think I've narrowed down my future career goals, and my HRT dose was increased.

It sadly does seem like life is just inherently bittersweet. I guess my main issue is with the trans-specific issues that I wouldn’t have to deal with had I been born cis😭 Idk I’m just so tired of it all🥲

And thank you for sharing❤️

I honestly hate it so much. I vastly underestimated how awful dating, romance, etc. would be like after coming out. Most of my friends don’t seem to know I’m trans and I’m slowly cutting off people in my life who do know so I can’t even talk with anyone about it. It sucks how complicated everything is as a trans person.

Does anyone else find life kind of bittersweet?

Yes that is the link I thought of. The site I ordered from back then isn’t up anymore, but if you order from within the EU it should pass customs without any issues :)

There is a link to a site that has a list of vendors on the r/transdiy wiki, I’ve forgotten the current link.

I did not get blood tests during the period I DIYed which was not optimal, but I had to make do😅 Try convincing your GP to do blood tests for you. If that doesn’t work either try finding a GP who is willing to help or find a private option. Iirc ‘Dansk Sundhedsteam’ is an option and there have been some posts about private blood testing in r/transnord you can try looking for.

If you are below 18 it is unlikely you can get HRT through the public healthcare system. They've basically stopped all HRT for minors from what I've heard, but either way keep trying.

DIY is perfectly safe if you buy from reputed sources and get blood tests done. I live in Denmark too and I DIY'ed until I got approved for treatment, but I kind of wish I'd kept DIYing as they then underdosed me for a year. Checkout the r/transnord subreddit on reddit, it has a lot of information about the process in general, but also a lot of tips for being approved for treatment at the gender clinics.

It is definitely nerve-wracking to go through the appointments at CKI. I laid out a kind of meticulous plan for how I was going to present and what I was going to say to increase my chances of being approved.

Generally, you would need to move to another country before you can access the healthcare system there, but you can get referred to other EU countries for treatment if waitlists exceed a specific amount of time. IIRC a trans man here in Denmark managed to file a complaint and win a case so he could get SRS done in another EU country since the waitlists in Denmark for SRS are 5+ years (provided you even get approved for the waitlist in the first place)

Ah I feel you as a fellow Dane, I hate the Danish healthcare system. It is truly awful how terrible the gender affirming care here in Denmark is.

How do you cope with the dysphoria?🥹

Well maybe😅, I’m planning to go to the Caucasus region and then crossing down through Iran and Iraq to end up in Kuwait.