2d ago

This internet poll is breaking men's brains! - What we get when male fitness standards clash with female preferences.

nataliaantonova.substack.com

This internet poll is breaking men's brains!

For context (if you’re a sane person and not extremely online), researcher William Costello recently did a simple, anonymous Twitter poll. Men and women were invited to rate pictures of British singer Olly Murs when he was huskier vs. when he really hit his gym goals and became legitimately shredded.

24 comments

On the one hand that can make sense on the other hand you polled the Nazi bar. Not sure how representative Twitter is.

this kind of thing is funny every time it comes up. there's nothing wrong with having fitness goals to get shredded, but don't do it just to get women lol. do it for you!!!

A bunch of guys got furious that women did not appreciate Olly’s gains. And I mean, really, really furious. From accusations of “lying” to “these women are just fat insecure bitches who can’t stand a perfect physique,” to “women don’t get it and don’t know what they ACTUALLY want.”
[...] All of this immediately becomes a problem when men [...] are suddenly presented with the truth in an online poll and begin to freak out about it.
I am so annoyed with men assuming they know what I think or feel, and then arguing with me when I express the "wrong" opinion. It's the most insane version of mansplaining there is, to assume that I don't know my own opinions or may have forgotten to account for one or more variables. I chose the bear, damnit, stop telling me bears are dangerous!
And for the record, I chose Before as well. After simply doesn't look healthy in the long run - too many arm muscles, not enough torso cushioning.
- The thing is that were TOLD that's what women want all of our lives by the media, companies and all that, despite women telling us the opposite. And it's hard to break that honestly. I have a low self esteem, so it's hard to accept compliments about my looks. I mean, I'm not bad. I'm tall and not fat, small gut, but not even dad bod and whenever I get compliments from women, I just assume it's cause they like me for my personality or sense of humor or something. Like I get I'm not bad, but it's hard for me to fathom that I'm actively attractive to anyone.
  It's absolutely a fabricated mental issue because of environment, but even knowing that, and being told over and over by different women (and men and once a trans woman) it's just hard to accept. It's very hard to get over that hurdle.

Disclaimer: I'm a lesbian so I don't have a dog in this fight, but I'm not surprised women vote more for the photo on the left. He just seems friendlier and more approachable, someone you would have fun hanging out with, so I guess that anecdotally gives credence to what the author is saying. The photo on the right looks like someone who's a bit too intense, and I say this as someone who is also trying to get somewhat ripped. It's funny because when I'm at the gym almost a lot of times I assume the super ripped dudes working out there are bi or gay, and more often than not I'm right. I know it's judging a book by its cover, but clearly that aesthetic appeals to other guys (who are also into guys).
- As a transbian I at least have an interest in it. How the author describes being attracted to men describes how I'm attracted to women. This section is definitely relatable and in that sense euphoric:
  We have very active imaginations. It’s why we’ve made literary smut into a best-selling business and why it actually improves our sex lives. Men are hornier than us, but we are freakier and more creative.
  Like, I like boobs, but sometimes as I see a drawing where the boobs are so big all I'm thinking about is how that person's spine would be ripped out of their back. Which is a turn off to me anyway.
  
  Yeah I'm demi and that bit stuck out to me as well. Like, I've no interest in this guy, ripped or otherwise, but like I mentioned above, the left version of him seems more approachable. I can envision a scenario where it's easier to envisage being with a person based on their 'vibe' even without having spoken to them. It's like a foot in the door in a way.

The "before" pic looks like he's ready to chop wood all day before slaughtering dinner with his bare hands, and "after" looks like he's going to faint if he doesn't have a protein bar in the next couple of minutes.

There was a thread on The Site Which Shall Not Be Named a while back pointing out these differences using two magazine covers featuring Hugh Jackman.
The men’s magazine had him shirtless, yelling at the camera, and flexing his muscles. The women’s magazine had him smiling sweetly in a cozy sweater.
- The Site Which Shall Not Be Named
- I don't know why but imagining Wolverine in a cosy sweater is sending me
  
  This is as close as we got.

I like guys who are in shape, broadly defined. So anywhere from whip lean and skinny to muscular and padded (which is what I'd call that pic #1).
It's not so much about looks, as the article notes, it's about lifestyle. I want a guy who can keep up with me. Husband is fat but lifts 5 days a week at least, he is strong and healthy and muscular, just fat, overweight not obese.
I do also have hangups about being bigger than a guy, don't think I am alone in that, and I'm pretty tall, so lean towards the fit and padded category but tall and a little too skinny also good.
I do think most regular people who are in good shape aren't "shredded" because that takes an obsessive lifestyle for most people , and I don't think an obsessive lifestyle is attractive. But a level of baseline fitness is.
It's funny but that is how looks work for me in general. Look good enough, that's a yes, and looking better than good enough is not any more of a yes. Looks are a primary filter but a yes/no binary not a scale.
- Thank you for voicing your opinion! I can't speak on behalf of all men, but when I was younger, the majority of my understanding of what women liked was told to me by men
  Folks like you help correct that!
  
  I don't mean to imply that any man needs to change to please women's "type", even more important is that the guy be in the shape HE wants, of course. Just like I am not going to get fake boobs to please some "ideal", neither should guys worry about any ideal. Best to please yourself and let things settle out around that. I just think it is interesting when there's a disconnect.
  I do feel happy for guys who achieve the bodybuilder physique, it's an accomplishment worth noticing. I don't think guys are doing that to be sexy, they are doing it as a project for themselves. I just personally don't find it more attractive than a baseline fitness, if that makes sense, and think I'm in the majority on that, not just of women but of people.

Yeah, most of the time such extreme body remaking is either for themselves or other men, not actually for women. Shame they cannot accept this.
- Shame they cannot accept this.
  The dudes or the ladies?
  
  The dudes.

Some people simply look better with a few extra pounds on 'em. Apparently William Costello is one such person.
If you are a person who doesn't find the ultra fit look attractive then don't date someone who has it. If you are a person who thinks you can only attract attention by having the ultra-fit look you are wrong. Simple. No gendering is necessary.