5d ago

What do you do when you get ghosted?

In a romantic relationship or otherwise. I'm being ghosted over a job, so I ask randos on the internet about what they do. WBY?

Edit: Thanks everyone for the advice I've been trying to follow. It helps having it reinforced. It's just hard for several reasons any of which would make it my top choice.

It's in the city my sister lives in. I haven't lived near my family since I finished high school
My job is inherently transient; I move every 1-2 years. This one gave me some permanency
I've been doing the same thing for the last 10 years. This one gives me additional responsibilities
It's prestigious and would come with higher pay

I'll be working on it, but like I said it's tough. It's almost like the universe gave me the perfect go fuck yourself.

26 comments

As someone who is in incredibly extroverted, you just have to take the hint and move on. Being ghosted is many people’s solution to the problem of “I don’t want to be around that person/do the thing but I don’t want to be impolite.” Just gotta accept it and move on to the next person you want to annoy into being your friend.

You aren't entitled to a response if someone doesn't want to respond. Suck it up and move on.
- I'm not sure I agree with this, unless OP did something offensive. I'm back in the dating world for the first time in nearly a decade, and with every match that goes poorly either I explain "I'm sorry, I don't see this going anywhere further but I wish you the best." or they do the same for me. The only instance of ghosting was when a man tried to SA me a few months ago.
  Jobs you're applying to, as well, should send a response to your application even if it's just an automated generic email.
- Everyone deserves respect, provided they haven’t been a dick head.

Ghost them back. Or sometimes ask politely "so that's it?" and then continue ghosting them.
There's really nothing you can or should do, except move on.
- Yeah, remind yourself that anybody who would do this isn’t a person worth having in your life. They don’t care about you.

when i got ghosted by my job, i wish i'd started looking for a new one sooner, before burning through so much of my savings.

If some recruiter ghosted you, don't bother them and move on
- Why not bother them?
  
  Because you'll be wasting your time and energy.

Move on, it's a sign your not important to the other person, so they are not worth worrying about
I've got a friend who just dips from the conversation for months and shows back up like nothing happened. Now I respond to their new message, but use signals timed message feature to match however long they ghosted the conversation. Disappear for 2 months then ask a question? No problem, the answer is coming in 60 days!
- Main character energy
- As an adult I have tons of friends that I go months without talking to, and then randomly message. Behavior you’re describing is petty and vengeful. It really doesn’t help you personally if you treat relationships like games as you describe.

A job (assuming it's one I've not already got): they don't want you, move on. It's the same thing as a rejection. You can chase up once but I don't see why bother more than once.
A person you're talking to romantically: check in on them, if they don't respond after messaging a few times over a few days it's deliberate and they're not interested. Move on. It probably wasn't that serious if they ghosted you, or if you're actually in a serious monogamous relationship and they ghost you then I'd either worry they've actually gone missing or something's happened to them, or they are just a massive asshole to not be able to actually break up with you properly.

Everyone is saying move on... but did you try to follow-up first? No harm in checking in if you haven't done so

Sign them up for something embarrassing or offensive via snail mail and use their first and last name (ghoster) but instead of their actual address, you use the neighbor's address.
- I believe this is exactly what the ebay CEO did against 2 bloggers.
- Remind me never to cross you.

How can you tell if you've been ghosted? Maybe they just got busy with other things.
- It depends on the amount of time, but if they don't even have the time for a courtesy reply like "I'll get to you in a couple of days", or "please contact me in .. days and I'll be able to help you", they either don't care or are too unorganized to bother

Do you really want to have a relationship (of any kind) with someone that treats other people that way?

With jobs, it's just the job market right now. Companies aren't interested in keeping good relations with applicants. Expect to just never hear back on a significant number of your applications.

Move on and not think about it at all.

People need to understand space and respect it. Not everyone needs to be communicating every single hour of every single day. If you can't handle that, then you probably have an insecurity.

Move on, get your mind off of it by doing something new and wild (bungee?) or something familiar that never involved that person

26 comments