U.S. officials cracking down on people trying to bring valuable eggs across the border
Egg interceptions up 116% so far this year, while seizures of fentanyl down 32%
Well he won the war on drugs, by making eggs more valuable than cocaine.
Narco subs filled with eggs any day now....
Honestly that's a better strategy than whatever Bush was doing
The trick is to hide your eggs in your fentanyl.
Eggs.
Eggs.
Eggs.
If I keep posting this every time there are egg related political news stories, maybe it'll come true?
I put together a little short story about how I would like to see Donald Trump meet his demise. Drowning in eggs:
The Eggsecution.
The once-proud leader, now stripped of title and dignity, stands in the center of the barren, concrete abyss. The abandoned Olympic swimming pool—thirty feet deep, dry as bone—has become their final stage. Above, the gathered masses stretch in every direction, a writhing sea of anticipation.
They do not jeer. They do not boo.
They simply chant.
"Eggs. Eggs. Eggs."
It starts as a murmur, a low thrum of human voices vibrating in unison. Then it grows, swelling into a deafening roar that rattles windows, that shudders in the bones of every person present. A chant as ancient as it is absurd, a single-minded invocation of punishment.
The first egg arcs high overhead, tracing a lazy curve before splattering against the fallen leader’s shoulder. The yolk bursts, oozing down his baggy, ugly, now-useless suit. A streak of yellow, the first of many.
Another egg. Then another.
Then dozens.
The first impacts make them flinch, stagger—hands raised in a futile shield. But soon there are too many to dodge, too many to deflect. They curl inward as the sky rains viscous judgment. The chant never stops.
"Eggs. Eggs. Eggs."
Shells crack. Yolk drips. The scent of sulfur and shame thickens in the stagnant air. It coats their skin, their hair, their pride, turning them into something less than human. Something… egg-like.
At the top of the pit, a child—no older than seven—steps forward. They hold their egg with both hands, cradling it like something precious. Reverent. With a deliberate motion, they lob it downward. It strikes the leader square on the forehead, exploding with an almost musical plap. The crowd erupts into a fresh crescendo of cheers, but the chant never falters.
"Eggs. Eggs. Eggs."
No escape. No reprieve. The pit is smooth concrete, slick now with raw egg and humiliation. They can do nothing but stand there, endure, become part of the ritual.
Somewhere in the throng, a vendor hawks boiled eggs. Another sells cartons to the unprepared. A man in a chicken suit waves encouragingly at the crowd.
The night wears on, but the spectacle does not end.
It cannot end.
Not until the last egg is thrown. Not until the last voice is hoarse.
Not until the world is rid of this one, failed leader, broken not by swords or exile, but by the inescapable weight of public yolk and scorn.
"Eggs. Eggs. Eggs."
This is fantastically written. Well done! The dark acceptance of necessity is palpable.
People are just too impatient. Don't they know Trump promised to bring down the prices on his first day back in office? /s
I thought they wanted imports? So now when people take it into their own hands, like the brave entepreneurs they are it's also wrong....
How much could one egg be, Michael? Ten dollars?
A local grocery store is selling, I kid you not, single eggs for a dollar.
No bulk pricing. One loose egg. $1
Last time I was at the store eggs were $14 USD...
jokes on them i already cracked my egg
Glad to see they have their priorities straight
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHahahahahhahaahahaahhaah
So I know eggs are used in a lot of products.
But I don't eat eggs by themselves. I get my protein from tons of other things. I get that like, you can't make pancakes or cake without an egg. But like I don't enjoy egg-based sauces for whatever reason.
Are eggs really that vital that the price gouging can't just be boycotted?
What's amazing how high they were already in 2024
I for one, do not support eggs getting high.
Next thing you know they'll turn into murder chickens.
I might be biased as a vegan, but what is sooooo fucking critical about having eggs that has people this worked up? I think even without being vegan I’d uh, I don’t know… not buy them??
I'm not vegan, and I agree. I'm the cook in my household, and a dozen eggs feels like it lasts forever. In my experience, they're largely optional outside of baking, which is admittedly probably only because I haven't experimented enough with applesauce/auquafaba/flax/etc. to get consistent results. Sure, some recipes like carbonara or shakshuka need eggs, but by optional I mean you can plan to make something else where they're less essential.
The funny thing is I've only noticed dramatic price increases with shittier quality eggs. My local co-op's prices have held steady throughout the bird flu pandemic, and they sell fairly local cage free dozens for like half the price of the big chain grocery's store brand.
I get that many folks relied on eggs as a cheap protein source that's quick and easy to prepare. I hope people that have poor food security are able to pivot to other cheap proteins like lentils and beans. There's a little learning curve, and they're not as quick, but they're not hard to dress up with aromatics and stock to make a tasty source of protein and fiber.
Theyre optional in baking. Super easy
It's not breakfast without an egg.
Cultural thing, sure.
But the pancakes/waffles/cake/bread of any fluffy sort take eggs to make, and in the morning the best thing to tie your leftovers across the starch is an egg. Fried, poached, what have you.
And sure, there's substitutes. But I didn't grow up with those, and it ain't breakfast without an egg.
As a vegetarian, eggs are actually a significant component of my protein intake. They are (were) cheap, they're extremely versatile, they can be fried, scrambled, poached, hard-boiled, made into egg salad, used in sauces, used in baked goods, their taste is neutral enough to combine with an endless variety of other flavors...
One thing I've noticed is that the price of the free-range pasture-fed eggs I've always purchased has only slightly increased, while the price of the factory-farmed eggs has skyrocketed. Hmm, it's almost like chickens have more resistance to communicable diseases like avian flu when we prioritize their health and don't pack them into an extremely cramped barn or cages...
Of course, I would sooner go without eggs altogether than buy the factory-farmed eggs. When the free-range eggs were sold out a few weeks ago I bought a plant-based egg scramble substitute. It wasn't very good, but it's always worth it to try something new.
I have a lot of respect for those who have the self-discipline to be vegan. I've tried to reduce my dairy and egg intake and it turned out to be a lot more difficult than quitting meat.
.............we live in the dumbest timeline.
It’s been dumb for a while. During the Norwegian butter crisis (a shortage of butter in Norway), people would smuggle butter.
Edit: fixed factual errors in my comment.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Norwegian_butter_crisis
We really do. If i wasn't so certain this was reality I'd expect to wake up soon.
Sadly, im already awake.