Get the mold out!

There was that tweet from a few years ago about how so many old ladies on their death bed would confess to killing their husbands.

I'm starting to piece it all together.

Accidental home deaths plummet when divorce rates rise.
- Wait, seriously? Do you have a source? Sounds like one of those spurious correlations to me.
- I mean even just from a totally innocent position, I'm exhausted right now and in the past month I've almost died falling down the stairs 5 times from the sleep deprivation (the ER is getting sick of my clumsiness)
  I know I'll sleep better once my cohabitation separation is finalised.
  This morning I brushed my teeth with my partner's athletes foot ointment. Didn't even realise it tasted like ass and felt like wax until I was trying to spit it out and wondering why it was clinging to my teeth. I'm just not human anymore, I am physically and mentally burnt out carrying the entire cognitive and household labour load of the relationship for the last 10 years.
- Wouldn't it be inverted? Don't let women get divorced and they kill their husbands?
When you're not legally permitted to divorce, other means become necessary.
- Goodbye Earl

I will never understand how anyone could come to thinking aspic was a good idea.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aspic

Kraft Heinz (makers of JELL-O) propaganda.
Literally, the reason food went to shit in the '50s was because that's when all the shelf-stable and processed "convenience foods" that had been invented for WWII started getting heavily marketed to the public.
- I mean... you have to imagine a world without refrigeration. Now it's ubiquitous, we have it everywhere, you can even get portable battery-powered refrigeration boxes. But at the time, cold meant icebox... literally a box that you put a big block of ice in to keep other stuff cold.
  You say "food went to shit" but all those things were a real change to the previous millennia of salted meats and pickled vegetables because there was no other way to keep food edible until the next harvest. It was new and interesting.
- It's existed as a dish since at least 1375. Way before Heinz. And it was eaten all over the world with many variations. Your Heinz conspiracy is meritless. Read the link in the comment you replied to.
- Aspic is about 500 years older than Kraft Heinz. I don’t think they’re behind its creation.
- Kraft Heinz (makers of JELL-O) propaganda.
  These sort of foods are often a lot older than even either of those companies
Interesting, I had never heard of this before.
I was immediately horrified, but it appears they date back to at least 1375 and predate fruit gelatin dishes, which makes sense considering gelatin is meat deprived. It also appears they were used for preservation, which... I guess you gotta do what you gotta do.
It being described as "essentially a gelatinous version of conventional soup." And "like ruby on the platter, set in a pearl ... steeped in saffron thus, like garnet it looks, vibrantly red, shimmering on silver" certainly piques my curiosity.
- Properly prepared aspic is delicious, it was traditionally made to make use of leftover bits of slaughtered pigs (ears, hooves, snout) so that they don't go to waste. Now those bits go into the gelatin industry but aspic can be bought in sausage form (presswurst).
- *derived
Why does this sound like a slur?
- Without the "a," it is a slur.
  It also kind of sounds like "ass-pick" which makes it sound vulgar.
  Unfortunate all around.
We have this in Ukraine. My grandma unironically loves it and cooks it from time to time. It's basically jellified soup
Culinary disaster but I must say that it looks cool!
- Looks so cool that I want to keep it contained in glass and left in a museum.
Don’t forget the lark’s tongue!
Great History channel (YouTube) video from Sohla El-Waylly about uses of OG aspic: https://youtu.be/Uqt-oyrL460
Холодец это вкусно!
I mean it tastes good so
Probably because it’s delicious.

At least bring back the cocaine in cough drops.

And codeine in cough syrup.
- Seriously. If we're really going to go back to the 1950s, then do it right, or don't do it at all.

Jello with floating cigarette ashes and mayo frosting.

I would joke about there being poison in this culinary sin experiment too, but I'm a millennial and you just don't threaten a millennial with a shorter life.

Don't forget starting every day with a glass of wine and some Valium.

Actually that's not a bad idea, might make it easier to get through the next 50 years of hell.

Don't forget the marshmallows!

And Mayo gag*

And the lead and asbestos

Nah, no need to bring those back. The role is already filled by microplastics and PFAS
- Pretty sure neither of those are new. Synthetic clothing and tires started after WWII. PFAS were used in nylon at the time and teflon was invented in 1938.
- At least asbestos was useful.

90% tax on billionaires 1950s is what I am talking about.

That is the best part of the 50's, although the clothing and cars looked pretty cool too.
That never happened, you filthy liar!
In the fifties, taxes were negative, the government would only give you money and the Democrats robbed us from that

god: Peter, they're doing it again! Shrimp and radish in ground up pig and cow bone and parts. Why do they hate me?

Peter: I tried to tell them but they wouldn't listen! Also they have a thing called pornhub now.

god: its a test.

I'm cool with not bringing it back to the 50s, I don't wanna hear any shit about me being "the man of the house who is supposed to take out the trash and fix everything broken and be the breadwinner" or any of that type of shit either.

No mayonnaise?

It's slathered atop the jello.
- Frosting.

They can take tacos from my cold dead greasy fingers, also my hand and wrist got some juice on it because I can get carried away with the sauce sometimes.
- Okay have your tacos, and follow it with gelatina de mosaico! That's cubes of fruit jello mixed in a base of tres leches jello. The fruit flavors can be made with real fruit and unflavored gelatin, if you're an intellectual. 🧐
No no no, we get to eat the tacos in the kitchen while we wait for the jello to set.
I'm a stay at home wife, I make sure my husband has a homecooked meal that I slaved over for hours! Like corned beef in aspic with celery jello salad.
Oops I didn't make enough for myself, that's okay I already had a taco as a snack, and my husband works so hard all day to support my life here in this kitchen so he deserves the whole bowl of jello to himself.
While he's eating I'll just add some things to the shopping list, we need more marichino cherries, and we're out of rat poison.
- I'm far from a traditionalist, and I know this is fake and a joke, but I'm bored on my lunch break, so I'm just gonna point out how I find it funny that you agreed to marry someone with different values than yourself, agreed to remain unemployed instead of finding childcare (if you can) or are blaming America's childcare crisis (of which there is one, in case anyone was unaware) on your spouse, and live completely off your husband's dime, and the poor sap can't even get spared a taco that he bought all the ingredients for.
  I'd like to tell you about a wonderful new invention, they call it "divorce." Quit blaming everyone else for all your problems and leave, hell just "go out for a pack of smokes" and vanish into the night if you want, or take the gun he must be holding to your head and say "now you stay home and cook, I'm breadwinner now" and that's awesome, I wish I could find me one of those myself, I'll cook that woman some damn good meals and pack her lunch with a note and a goddamn kiss every morning, but you are the architect of your own misfortune and have the power to change your destiny in this situation.
  That is all, back to joking lol I gotta clock back in now.

Vitamins AND protein, WITH dessert?

Sign me the fuck up

Jello is now a salad

Chicken ala King comin' right up!

Shit on a shingle!

In all of this she never said she even has the skills to cook. Looks like scammy trade to me.

In all seriousness, I know more men being good cooks than women.

Just more recipes for this dude to make videos about!

https://youtu.be/CACzCTwGNB4

Yea, cause cooking for your family is so oppressive.

Being forced to have a family and to have the specific role of cooking for them based on your gender is yes.
- No one is forcing anyone to have family lol
It depends on your choice, if that's your only choice it is oppressive
What?

Why are women like that?

Prone to make jokes about jello? What a weird thing to get upset about. You okay buddy?
Like what?
- Vindictive
Angry about losing rights? Must be biological or something