1mo ago

Duracell Removes Frosting, Sprinkles To Discourage Kids From Eating Batteries

theonion.com Duracell Removes Frosting, Sprinkles To Discourage Kids From Eating Batteries

CHICAGO—Acknowledging that candy-coated batteries were an iconic part of the brand’s legacy, Duracell announced Thursday that it would be removing frosting and sprinkles from its manufacturing process to discourage children from eating the company’s products. “When parents shared with us their conce...

The Onion and other satire w/ layers @sh.itjust.works

RmDebArc_5 @sh.itjust.works

1mo ago

Duracell Removes Frosting, Sprinkles To Discourage Kids From Eating Batteries

theonion.com /duracell-removes-frosting-sprinkles-to-discourage-kids-from-eating-batteries/

22 0

8 comments

Is this about the whippets or the vapes or something else entirely?
- Some batteries, particularly those little button/coin ones, are pretty big choking hazards and some are starting to have a bitter coating put on them so if a baby does get their hands on one and tries to eat it, they'll probably spit it back out.
  This spoof is pretending that kids were eating batteries because they were so appetizing to begin with with frosting and sprinkles (which I guess may also echo candy flavors of vape juice and vodka for teens being a thing)
  
  It's worse than that 🙁 https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/dangers-of-button-batteries-and-kids
  When a button battery mixes with saliva or moist skin tissue in general, it triggers an alkaline (chemical) reaction that can burn the child in as little as one to two hours. Once this reaction starts, it literally liquefies and dissolves/burns the skin. Even worse, if the button battery isn’t removed promptly, the reaction can continue after the battery is removed causing severe damage.
- Or tide pods. Or just how fucking dumb some kids can be.
  
  Whatever man, those things look delicious!
- Whippits are AWESOME when you’re rolling. Hedonistic bliss.

lol
I mean, it’s satire but also so indicative of how involved the government has had to be with parenting. I’m still salty that we can’t have Kinder eggs here bc parents are too stupid to know what they’re doing.
Edit: also the fact that a few kids choked on a toy means the country can’t have them but a school shooting twice a week only gets us "thoughts and prayers."

8 comments