The Onion and other satire w/ layers
- "I can't believe anyone would vote for Trump," says smug Canadian man planning to vote for Poilievrewww.thebeaverton.com "I can't believe anyone would vote for Trump," says smug Canadian man planning to vote for Poilievre
OTTAWA - A smug man from Canada wasted no time this morning chastising Americans for re-electing terrifying liar and felon Donald Trump, despite the fact that he plans to vote for terrifying liar and asshole Pierre Poilievre in the next Canadian election.
- Perfectionist police officer beats biracial man halfway to deathwww.thebeaverton.com Perfectionist police officer beats biracial man halfway to death
TORONTO, ON ― Local Toronto Police Service officer Jeremy Moriarty took great care during an initially routine traffic stop this week to unnecessarily escalate the situation to a degree of violence exactly reflecting the racial lineage of his victim, Daniel Hall.
- Justin Trudeau announces another thing for Poilievre to cancel next yearwww.thebeaverton.com Justin Trudeau announces another thing for Poilievre to cancel next year
OTTAWA – Yesterday Justin Trudeau made a bold commitment, announcing billions of dollars in funding for a massive government program to make Canadians lives better in some way, which Pierre Poilievre will absolutely cancel when he is elected Prime Minister sometime in the next 12 months. “This new i...
I'm trying not to be so cynical but we'll see how I feel next week
- Liberals change rules so more Canadians can buy the shittiest condos ever builtwww.thebeaverton.com Liberals change rules so more Canadians can buy the shittiest condos ever built
OTTAWA - The Trudeau Liberals have announced relaxing of several mortgage rules, all with the intent of allowing more Canadians to barely afford the crappiest, tiniest investment condos that have ever existed.
- Government directs Te Puni Kōkiri to conduct Māori Language Week in Englishthecivilian.co.nz Government directs Te Puni Kōkiri to conduct Māori Language Week in English
The coalition government has issued a directive to Te Puni Kōkiri, the Ministry of Māori Development, instructing them that – in the interests of clear communication – they are to condu…
- [Video] Sony Releases Stupid Piece Of Shit That Doesn't Fucking Work
cw:
spoiler
they say "retarded" at around 1:40 (the video is 15 years old)
- Ontario snowbirds now spending winters in Toronto, summers in Iqaluitwww.thebeaverton.com Ontario snowbirds now spending winters in Toronto, summers in Iqaluit
IQALUIT - For many years, it has been common practice for Canadian senior citizens to travel south over the winter, seeking warmer climates, limited contact with anyone born after 1956, and the opportunity to drink a Tom Collins at an outdoor patio in February.
- (2011) Four American Troops Tragically Killed Along With 23 Afghanis
With Autistic reporter Michael Falk
- Doug Ford closes Safe Injection Site to make way for new All-You-Can-Drink Booze Guzzler’s Emporiumwww.thebeaverton.com Doug Ford closes Safe Injection Site to make way for new All-You-Can-Drink Booze Guzzler’s Emporium
QUEEN'S PARK – Ontario Premier Doug Ford has announced the imminent shutdown of a local safe injection site in favour of a new retail outlet devoted solely to alcohol consumption.
- Alarming Report Finds Nation’s Fuckers Now Have 83% More Nervetheonion.com Alarming Report Finds Nation’s Fuckers Now Have 83% More Nerve
ANN ARBOR, MI—Noting the rapid increase among assholes who just don’t know when to quit it, an alarming report published Thursday by the University of Michigan found that the nation’s fuckers now have 83% more nerve. “Based on our data, we can see that over the last year there has been a threefold r...
Excerpt:
>... said lead researcher Christo Garcia, confirming that the nation’s fuckers were already 65% less likely to screw off and jump up their own asses than they were even six months ago.
- Environmentalists Warn U.S. Running Out Of Small Wooded Areas Where Buddies Can Smoke Upwww.theonion.com Environmentalists Warn U.S. Running Out Of Small Wooded Areas Where Buddies Can Smoke Up
WASHINGTON—In a sobering report on the impact of climate change and deforestation, U.S. environmentalists warned Monday that the nation was running out of small wooded areas where a group of buddies could smoke up. “Sadly, accelerating levels of industrialization have led us to a point where our nat...
- The 20 Worst Games You Could Have Brought to This Desert Island That We're Stranded on, You Moronhard-drive.net The 20 Worst Games You Could Have Brought to This Desert Island That We're Stranded on, You Moron
When you told me that you managed to salvage the twenty video games you had on hand before our marooning, I was a little confused…
- Bully From Early Nineties Anti-Drug PSA Still Pushing Handfuls of Pre-Rolled Jointsthehardtimes.net Bully From Early Nineties Anti-Drug PSA Still Pushing Handfuls of Pre-Rolled Joints
Former junior high bully and antagonist of a 1990 anti-drug PSA Ryan Telley is reportedly still pushing handfuls of pre-rolled joints onto random people, befuddled sources confirmed.
- Singer Adlibs Little Laugh At End Of Track To Signify Fun Time Was Hadwww.theonion.com Singer Adlibs Little Laugh At End Of Track To Signify Fun Time Was Had
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