I love these big crazy breads. They're great on their own and I sometimes make massive dagwood sandwiches with them and slice them up
"Shit, man, shit shit shit."
"Steve man. Calm the fuck down. What's wrong?"
"It's a customer, man."
"Please tell me they didn't take an orange from the bottom of the stack again."
"No, no. Worse. So much worse. He's buying the boule."
"Ha. You had me worried for a minute. Nobody buys the boule. You misheard."
"No, man, I'm telling you. He asked where it was. I made him repeat the question. He said again he wanted the 'sourdough boule.' He's got it in his cart now."
"...You're serious."
"Yes, man. He's about to fucking buy the boule."
"Shit, man. What are we going to do?"
"I don't know. I- I don't know. This has never happened before."
"We have to alert them."
"Them?"
"You know, them."
"Wh- you mean the simulation people?"
"You got a better idea?"
"Yeah, maybe drinking bleach. Not to mention we have no way to con-"
"H-hello? Um... Sim- simulation people? Um-"
"What the fuck are you doing, Ted? You fucking dipshi-"
"Yes?"
"..."
"..."
"Steve... you... you heard that, ri-"
"I don't have all day. What is it?"
"Shit, um."
"Yes sir, um, Mister Simulator sir, I-"
"Missus."
"Oh, um, sorry, the voice is just kindof... tinny an-"
"Look, we've got a problem. It's one of the... simulated."
"Mmm hmm?"
"He's on his way to the checkout now."
"And?"
"He's buying the boule."
"Mmm. Right. Thank you for alerting me. This anomaly will be dealt with."
"Oh. Um. O...kay. Um. Thank yo-"
"Wait, how exactly will it be deal-"
This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back.
You take the normal bread – the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe.
You take the fancy bread – you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes. Remember, all I'm offering is the truth – nothing more.”
To be fair, the quality of the bread in these mass produced "artisan bakery" sections can be trash tier, like sometimes it's wonder bread level but even more dry. Idk why they decide to do it. Maybe it was fresh at one point but these displays can get left out all week.
Source: an NPC who sometimes buys this crap to try it.
The bread is a decoration indeed. It's there for the same reason the flowers are out the front of the supermarket, it makes the store look more welcoming and less like a warehouse that is engineered to siphon money from your wallet.
Nobody buys that shit. We just wait for them to yeet it in the dumptster out back, then we cut the chain and take it home.
I make my own these days and regularly offer them to guests but I used to buy the stores artisan breads for lunch while working construction when I was young.
The cost to create of a family size loaf of jalapeno and mozzerella stuffed herb focaccia is about $4.87, lower if you cheap out on oil, so theres tons of room for markup even if the store ends up throwing most of it out.
Sometimes I buy the bread lol. The bread just gets made into other things if nobody buys it. Sliced after the first day, made into croutons the day after or a number of other bread goodness like garlic bread or used to make those pre-packed subs, etc. Or it's just tossed cause bread is cheap and making at the scale they make it makes it even cheaper.
By the way, if you have even a passing interest I recommend baking your own bread, unless you want sourdough and you don't want to spend that effort cause sourdough is next level effort. But a basic white bread is extremely easy and tastes so good fresh and lasts for soooo much longer than the store made breads.
Buy the boule coward!
Also, my friends and acquaintances are a perfectly representative sample of the population
Is this the most American post I've ever seen?
Maybe?
A while ago I made cheeseburgers for a family gathering. My dad bought a loaf of bread on the side, and I quote, "just in case".
Wish it were a simulation. The truth is much sadder. All that bread gets tossed daily into the bin and not even offered to the homeless.
...do your friends not eat bread?
I get offered bread pretty regularly... it's just there, available, all the time; it's a simple offer. Are you never at their houses?
I think you just do too much drugs.
Most reasonable Americans, and the larger worldwide Culinary Arts groups would prefer to wait a day and get them on sale so we can make fresh croutons; if you ever wonder why there's a discount rack that's always near empty in your local bakery, it's probably someone buying out the day old lot for the afforementioned croutons or something like crostini for some kind of appetizer dish.
So many people taking this seriously, kek.
I got a sourdough boule from Lidl once, they're nice.
The bread is a lie.
I must be a lie too.
Must be a local thing.
