Things are OK. I was looking at TotallyNotJessica's post encouraging more people to post in egg_irl, and I thought "OK, but what would I even post?" This was the result.
I'm at a point where I'm questioning the validity of my own experience. I just got diagnosed with ADHD, and I'm finally on medication that has significantly reduced my anxiety. While I was waiting for diagnosis I didn't actively think much about being trans. I observed that if I'm not focusing on it, it's not a thorn in my side, and it doesn't bother me, and my impression was that for "real" trans people, dysphoria & the incongruity of identity in lived-experience is not just something they can ignore or turn off. So yeah, imposter syndrome, not trans enough, etc.
It leaves me to wonder, if I just deleted my trans-leaning social media & didn't seek out the trans-affirming content, would I just forget all about it and settle into some form of non-queer (but still Allied) identity, as I did in the past when I never really thought about or considered these things?
(And now I'm realizing this is definitely Matrix red-pill/blue-pill territory, and I could probably make another egg_irl post just based on this ramble! 😅 )
(And yes, Children of Men (2006) is a great SciFi. Grim, dystopian, pulls no punches. Highly recommended.)
Just got diagnosed last week, and I am well into adulthood.
It's a bit early yet. I am on starter meds and have a follow up appointment in a few weeks. Already though I have noticed impulse control is much better. It's like I have a time machine that's given me a few extra moments to respond to stimuli. Anxiety levels are also way down, and I don't feel the frazzled need to jump to the next thing, trying to get a dopamine fix.
Trying now to pursue a 3 prong style of treatment: medication, forming new habits, and mindfulness/observation. I am doing mood journaling to try to capture my experience.
I have 2 settings. Highly engaging radio talk show host who won't can't shut up, or "wallflower mode, pls don't notice me or I may burst into tears /flames."
So, I guess the correct response is to do what Kuzco did in the movie, and drink each one in sequence until you drink the right one (while running in terror)?
Great cinematography, slow burn rising action like the building of a storm, and Lady Kaede is quite possibly one of the most subtly unsettling characters I've ever seen portrayed in fiction.
About 6 months in and it's hard to say there has been any real progress. Lots of thinking about it for sure 🤔