Arahnya [they/them, fae/faer] @ Arahnya @hexbear.net

They / fae / he

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5 yr. ago

:::spoiler audhd & the struggle to learn and communicate / not being given tools to prepare ones self / trying to improve

I feel like my early interest in reading and writing has helped me immensely, but in comparison I cant really do oral learning & learning in general is very difficult.

I was taught how to read and write on a basic level (unschooled) and after that it was all on me. So despite not being the most eloquent fellow, I can still use writing to an extent which helps me function - to remember things, to express myself, etc.

But, there is a limit to that. Everything I write I have to rewrite and double check to make sure everything is worded exactly as I mean it. I can read, but my comprehension can be bad, I have to take my time and really think about whats being said. Sometimes it doesn't make any sense at all, and I have to find someone to explain it to me (but that doesn't always work)

The way I talk also necessitates this method or else I talk in a very disjointed, unorganized fashion.

When it comes to conversation -- I am terrible at comprehension. As with reading I must unpack what is being said; which can take a long time, and includes questions.

The longer the person goes on without allowing me to catch up, the less I understand, and the more I start to forget what is being said and why.

In situations that require answers, I always have to call them back. I have to mentally prepare an answer; so I don't generally like doing impromptu phone calls.

Then there is the factor in which I hold myself to a standard that I absolutely cannot fail, which I have been letting myself do lately.

Its hard because while I have been improving, it feels very slow and almost undetectable. Like the timeline of improvement is such that most people don't even notice it; it seems like you are exactly the same.

I remember the times when I couldn't speak to anyone, I couldn't express myself through writing, so I definitely have improved -- but still struggle to learn and comprehend in general.

It's hard to figure out exactly how I can teach myself things. I feel like written, oral, or demonstrative instructions can all be elusive to understand. That I must basically take the idea like dough and shape it in my mind until its something that I can understand.

:::

I love the complexity of my own self determined identity, & how my experiences have defined that determination.

So how do we feel about the great filter hypothesis?

Ive had the opposite experience tbh

I feel like my 2020 self would be proud of the way my 2025 self has become self assured and secure in identity. 🥰