AshenWolf [she/her, kit/kit's] @hexbear.net

1w ago

Disabled Community Megathread from April 14, 2025 to April 27, 2025

Hi everyone! That's right, it's time for another c/disabled megathread.

Update on the meds: they work! Quite well, actually. I feel like I'm finally functioning at a reasonable level, like I was not only getting stuff done, but I'm now able to actually effectively multitask (as much as one can lol). I'm quite happy with how it's working, and I might not even need an SSRI at this point. If I'm getting anxiety from the meds, I'm not feeling it, because they actually reduced the amount of anxiety I have to deal with. I don't know how (thinking ADHD-induced anxiety), but yeah, I'm a lot better than I was just last week. Quite happy for that, might actually be able to manage the end of the semester without crashing and burning this time around.

As always, we ask that in order to participate in the weekly megathread, one self-identifies as some form of disabled, which is broadly defined in the community sidebar:

"Disability" is an umbrella term which encompasses physical disabilities, emotional/psychiatric disabilities, neurodivergence, intellectual/developmental disabilities, sensory disabilities, invisible disabilities, and more. You do not have to have an official diagnosis to consider yourself disabled.

Mask up, love one another, and stay alive for one more week.

127 comments

zoom classes suck... i was called out today for laughing at an inappropriate time. i kinda just do that bc of the autism when im uncomfortable. so i basicalaly need to police my face and body language for 3 hours straight for basically no reason

Wishing all my disabled comrades a calm and restful day. You are loved, you are beautiful, you matter.

Guide dog kept wanting to hang out on the train, and you're not supposed to reward that behavior so I sat stone faced as a dog was doing its very best to get my attention and/or rubs. I want someone to acknowledge my sacrifice
- Those who give the greatest sacrifices, thus deserve to reap the greatest rewards.
  o7 thank you for your service to humanity and service-dog-manity.

:::spoiler audhd & the struggle to learn and communicate / not being given tools to prepare ones self / trying to improve
I feel like my early interest in reading and writing has helped me immensely, but in comparison I cant really do oral learning & learning in general is very difficult.
I was taught how to read and write on a basic level (unschooled) and after that it was all on me. So despite not being the most eloquent fellow, I can still use writing to an extent which helps me function - to remember things, to express myself, etc.
But, there is a limit to that. Everything I write I have to rewrite and double check to make sure everything is worded exactly as I mean it. I can read, but my comprehension can be bad, I have to take my time and really think about whats being said. Sometimes it doesn't make any sense at all, and I have to find someone to explain it to me (but that doesn't always work)
The way I talk also necessitates this method or else I talk in a very disjointed, unorganized fashion.
When it comes to conversation -- I am terrible at comprehension. As with reading I must unpack what is being said; which can take a long time, and includes questions.
The longer the person goes on without allowing me to catch up, the less I understand, and the more I start to forget what is being said and why.
In situations that require answers, I always have to call them back. I have to mentally prepare an answer; so I don't generally like doing impromptu phone calls.
Then there is the factor in which I hold myself to a standard that I absolutely cannot fail, which I have been letting myself do lately.
Its hard because while I have been improving, it feels very slow and almost undetectable. Like the timeline of improvement is such that most people don't even notice it; it seems like you are exactly the same.
I remember the times when I couldn't speak to anyone, I couldn't express myself through writing, so I definitely have improved -- but still struggle to learn and comprehend in general.
It's hard to figure out exactly how I can teach myself things. I feel like written, oral, or demonstrative instructions can all be elusive to understand. That I must basically take the idea like dough and shape it in my mind until its something that I can understand.
:::

One pattern some specialists see in long covid and ME/CFS is that it’s often seen in people who tend to overwork themselves and ignore signals of their body telling them to rest. But I wonder if there are actually that many people who don’t do this? Because or whole culture and economical system is built to get people to work as much as possible.
- the only people i know not conditioned to overwork themselves are those who had a pretty cushy upbringing and then got a high paying job easily
  like mostly people who i met in uni that barely kept up with their classes but still got a job easier than me aaaa

Tired of "living" like this for all these years. My body and brain just gets worse everyday.

A lot of my parents favorite stories about me are just me being very clearly autistic. hahahaha isn't it so funny that you got overstimulated and had a meltdown your third Christmas?
No it just makes me sad, it makes me sad how many signs I showed and you still did nothing to help me. They've even told me how "lucky" they felt to have our pediatrician, because "a lot of other doctors would have diagnosed you".
idek how this shit keeps coming up in conversation so often but I hate it. Wasn't even the only example of my very obvious autism that got brought up over dinner.
- "our pediatrician was great. sure they didnt give you access to the help you needed, but they didn't make us feel uncomfortable, and that's the important thing"
  fucking hate people like that, sorry you have to deal with it

im trying to process kind of a lot of trauma right now that relates to an abusive ex. it's like a domino effect where i touch one thing and need to process 50 other things in turn
idk im tired
- Sounds exhausting, wishing you a good night's rest and healing

One of my fellow students asked the professor about using ChatGPT for the exams. Apparently it's going to be allowed from next semester on. I hate everything. Especially since he framed it as a good way to do accessibility.
- You see the logic is that if you're autistic or have social anxiety chatGPT can prepare your presentation for you.

So, they're making a list of Autistic people in the US, for 'tracking and research'.
- sigh :c
  good thing we werent planning on getting diagnosed? /j
  in all seriousness aaaaaaaaaaaa :c
  
  I wish I could hug ya'll and tell you it'll be okay. The net on their so-called 'undesirables' is widening, but my hope is that it'll bring us closer together, and ideally make more people care about what has already been happening. One can hope.

i do not like night classes, my sleep schedule is so messed up because i can't sleep until like 6am because of the anxiety/performance from them

Got prescribed ADHD meds (will get delivered tomorrow), gonna receive help finally getting my prescribed CPAP (I kinda forgot about it) on Wednesday, and uh consulting about a surgery (not bottom surgery, bariatric), honestly I guess I'm moving forward kinda/cautiously optimistic
- Yay!!!
- Awesome news!

Easter once again reminding me how there's no hate like Christian 'love'
Hope everyone got through the weekend okay
- Christians are so mean. What did they do this time?
  
  Just the usual bs you'd find in most religious folk's homes, nothing worth repeating. It leaves me grossed out how hypocritical they are, though. Makes me want to spread love and comradery even more to counteract it, ya know?
- I hope you got out alright
  
  I did, ty

just over a month till summer damn time sure flies when you're dissociating
- Mood tbh, also I love your username
  
  great minds

i should probably consider talking about job stuff at all a massive trigger for me. even if im just giving advice to a comrade it causes me to spiral, what the heck
- Right there with you comrade
  
  Ooh it's not just me? Thank God, let me in there

My school has just placed a highly punitive zero tolerance policy on attendance. My ADHD ass is looking at getting kicked out for being about three minutes late four times this month. I am going in to talk to them about how I am pretty sure ADA reasonable accommodations include letting me be <5 minutes late a few times without getting kicked out. This is gonna suck. Since I don't think the people who would invent this policy are people who are reasonable to work with.
- Are you in high school or college? There's definitely an office to talk to in college.
  
  Community college level kinda. It is city trade school program. So it is government and the assumption would be it is college level as any other program of this type would be at a community college.

I feel a bit like a fraud/imposter posting here despite having Schizophrenia (since im kinda highly functional most of the time). The meds really do work for me as long as the dosage is correct. Lifes good for me atm. There are challenges for sure but compared to many im doing pretty dang good.
- Glad to hear things are going well for you

Fuck basketball for having those constantly flashing lights. Especially when there's three giant sceeens of it in a restaraunt. Death to the NBA.
- I also hate how all media now tries to move as much as possible nowadays, can't enjoy treats without feeling nauseated

Well my achilles tendons are well and truly fv(k£d. Just when I'm coming up to my final surgery and the light was at the end of the tunnel with regard to being able to go back to wearing shoes and walking fairly normally soon. Now I don't know how long this will take - the last time it got so bad I was in a plaster cast for 10 days and couldn't walk properly for months but that was 20 years ago! I thought this issue had gone away. I really think the Universe just can't stand to see me catch a break. Or am I meant to be learning something from all this? I saw a youtube video of a woman who'd had a terrible life and she said she had chosen all the awful things that happened to he before she was born so she could learn from them. Is that just cope? Did I choose all this shit before I was born? Because if so I have changed my mind and would like it to end now. People always say "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." I don't believe that. I am worn down. As soon as one problem seems close to being solved, another worse one takes its place.
- chronic achilles injuries are so awful — my right one is severely fucked beyond belief and i’m in the beginning stages of issues with my left (probably from like 10 years of uneven weight distribution falling on my left leg all the time.) i feel like it’s something super overlooked/seldom spoken about in the greater spectrum of mobility issues and i never hear other people talking about it. it sucks and you aren’t alone. please try to hang in there.
  
  Thanks. It's just I've been trapped indoors for months since my last foot surgery and finally it healed enough to go out and now this. I feel like a prisoner, I can never go out. I'm so frustrated and it's doing my head in. At least with my foot surgeries I know it will heal after a time but this? No idea if or when it will be better.

Idk if anyone was concerned about me at all or anything, but I'm alive and decently well! My housing situation is a bit unstable though.
- good to hear you're OK. Sorry about the housing situation.
- Good to have you back, comrade. Hope you find some stability soon

Help the dog is back and it fell asleep.

Help I'm trapped under a tiny dog that wants cuddles.
- pay the dog tax.

Hey, putting a link here too for visibility, we've added a set of extra-readable/low-vision themes for the Hexbear UI!

kinda convinced that the ai therapist is better than my actual therapist. like they both just give platitudes but at least i don't have to explain the concept of autism to the ai
- IME banging my head against a brick wall would be better than any human therapist.
  
  one time my therapist recommended i stick my head in my freezer during a panic attack so u might be onto something

Kid just threw his sippy cup at the tv and broke it and now I'm having a really hard time regulating because it was really fucking expensive and we can't afford a new one because I need to get my teeth fixed and get my car fixed and get my car fixed again. I'm having a really fucking hard time about it.
- Aw that sucks...you wanna scream into the void with me?
- Can you get a shite 720p stopgap used?
  
  I've been shopping around. The thing is that I have a soundbar and sub that is specific to this brand and, to the best of my knowledge only works with Roku. So I'm trying to find a TCL Roku specific TV. They have some on FB marketplace for $150-200 but Walmart is selling basically the same model for $360 right now.
  Hy partner's bougie ass parents that were able to retire like to throw their money around sometimes and said they might get us one for our upcoming anniversary. If that is the route we go, I'm gonna try to milk them for a nicer one.

- Well we don't need to look at 4chan anymore

Currently on my seventh cup of coffee. I'm so fucking smart guys. I'm so fucking wise. No one makes better decisions than me.

Additionally, and this is completely independent from the rest of the mod team and completely my own thoughts, I wanted to gauge interest in a sort of chatroom. If there's interest, I can't guarantee that it will happen, so think of this more as a way to satisfy my curiosity. I am aware that chat rooms are more difficult for some, and for others they are easier. I also understand how straying from the mega can be taxing on this site, and that having an isolated safe space could have benefits. Of course, the mega already has the potential to be isolated. If you are familiar with the tracha matrix, I'm thinking of a similar sort of thing, but for this community instead of c/traaa. Let me know what you think! Doesn't have to be detailed, could be a simple yay or nay, and of course, don't feel obligated to answer. Remember, this is just for me, I'm not speaking as a mod here nor am I representing the mod team.
- sounds neat
- As a fellow mod, I approve of the idea of a chatroom. 🖤❤️
- A chat might actually help a few of us when we need to vent or just need an ear to listen. Love the idea!
- I love this idea
- it's not for me but I think that sounds nice for the folks who would use it.
  just don't forget about us mega-only nerds
  
  If this were to happen, you nerds would not be forgotten
- i would love that tbh

Had severe hypoglycemia yesterday, and had almost forgotten what it feels like. My partner managed to make me swallow glucose tablets as well as some highly appreciated apple juice, but I'm missing roughly an hour. Must've miscalculated on the short-term insulin, that does happen but it has been a while since it was this severe. Guess applying for jobs and cleaning up the room for a job interview stressed me out more than I realized
- That's so scary, glad you're okay and that your partner was there to help. It sucks that stress can creep up like a big wave before it crashes down on you. Hope you can recover quickly and get some rest comrade.
  
  Thank you love ❤️ but I'm okay now, recovery from such a crash doesn't take long, about an hour in this case. I got lucky this time.
  The thing about stress is really that it distorts your bodily perception, so much so that sometimes the warning signals aren't the same. I usually don't have headaches when my glucose crashes, but this time it felt like my head was about to explode. Normally, the first sign is instability in the lower legs, like they start shaking, and if I don't catch that, I start sweating profusely, my tongue goes numb and I can't form coherent thoughts or sentences. So yeah, I was really surprised when I woke up and realized I'd been knocked out by a crash.

finally wrangled my brain into action and got my new (used) phone set up and degoogled. too early to have feelings any which way but i am at least at glad it's done
- You did the Thing! small victories

While discussing anatomic variance in human bodies the word for "Freak" was used just a little too much, I even ended up doing it because I was mirroring others. Not a good word, don't like it. Don't like it being applied to humans for totally normal variances that aren't even visible, debilitating, or even noticeable by the person who has it. It's of course worse when applied to the disabled, but the fact that people were this okay with it's free use is uhhhhh

I'm alive, slowly making my way back to normalcy, thank you for the well-wishes last week. Now I just gotta deal with pacing and the insane medical bills that just arrived
. Hope everyone is hanging in there, and that the week is a good one.
- The bills sound like an unnecessarily cruel adage to your load. Love you sweetie, if you need anything, let us know ❤️
  
  Thank you
  ::: spoiler the bills are so stupid Death to amerikkka
  :::

So glad to hear the meds are treating you well! Thanks for the new mega

Don't mind me, I'm just gonna curl up into a super-tight ball and breathe quietly in the corner, cool?
- Take all the time you need

My throat issues are slowly getting better, still sucks dick. Glad that it doesn't stop me from doing my physical training, from what I can tell.
- Wishing you a speedy recovery comrade

So my hoodie has been hot for me for THREE years.
I was on lotsa xanax the first time we fooled around and did not form a memory of it. Cue three years of awkwardly trying to woo over my current girlfriend.

127 comments

:::spoiler audhd & the struggle to learn and communicate / not being given tools to prepare ones self / trying to improve