Did I make a mistake with not inviting people to our wedding?

Hey!

I am marrying my girlfriend in june and I invited a few friends of mine to my wedding.

My partner (female) has about 6 close friends and we wanted to stay around 50 people with family and friends for our wedding.

The problem I have is that I had to cut out a few people that I know but have nothing to do with since a few years. I feel kind of bad, because 2 girls in my friend circle are close with my best friends and I like them as friends to talk to but personally I wouldn't have anything to do with them without my friends.

It's a weird situation, but I didn't invite them because my partner and I wanted to keep it at the limit of 50 people with family and friends.

I feel bad. Today I was at a party and I couldn't talk about the wedding because 7 friends that were invited were there and the other two who werent invited would be left out so I avoided it and was happy nobody talked about the wedding invitations. I think the other two know they aren't invited even though I enjoy talking with them when we go out...

I hate weddings...

14 comments

If you don't talk to them, don't feel bad about not inviting them. It's a major life event, not just any old party. If anyone questions it, you tell them you're keeping it to close friends and family only. Other than that, it's nobody's business who you invite.
- If anyone questions it
  This is the best case. The more likely thing is that nobody will question it but instead will let it fester unspoken.
  It’s great to have a plan to handle when someone brings it up, but that’s the easier scenario to handle.

There are certainly people in the world who would be offended by this, but reasonable people are fully-capable of understanding wedding size limits. Weddings are expensive, it's entirely common to set a limit and invite people based on that. If the topic ever came up directly with these folks, a simple "I'm sorry we couldn't invite you all, we just didn't have enough room on the list" should be all you need. If they can't understand that, it's kinda beyond being your problem.

I've been married twice. My first wedding was giant, with hundreds of people. My second wedding (also my wife's second), we decided to keep it to like a dozen immediate family and very close friends. The second was much more enjoyable, but believe it or not we had to draw a line in both weddings, inviting some people and not others. It's your day - you decide how many people you're going to have, and then you make a list that gets you to that number. That's what everyone does. The rest of the people will understand, just tell them you're keeping it small and there were lots of people you would have liked to invite but couldn't.

My spouse and I did something very similar. It sucks, but the line has to be drawn somewhere. Fortunately, we only had one friend that got offended enough to defriend us and, well frankly, we decided that maybe we were better off without that particular friend in our lives.
Congratulations, by the way!

My wedding was 4 people, not including the officiant. I offended everyone but it made me and my wife happy. It didn't last, but it was still the best wedding I've ever been to.
It's your day. That's all that matters.

You have nothing to be ashamed of.. The guest list had to remain a certain number, and it's okay to admit. It's your wedding, nobody else's. I had a friend keep her wedding guest list down to 20 people, I was happy for her even though I was not invited.

Did I make a mistake with not inviting people to our wedding?
was anyone missing from the wedding that you felt should have been there?
No?
Then you're fine.
Yes? well.... that's a friendly convo over drinks with friends explaining the limitations. Should anyone fault your reasons, well, life goes on.

Having a hard limit on the number of people you can invite and needing to leave people out, even people you would very much like to invite, is an extremely common problem when it comes to wedding planning. As everyone else has said, don't sweat it, you're not doing anything wrong. Just be tactful about it if or when the conversation comes up and explain that it's a small wedding and you had to make tough decisions.
Edit: Also, best wishes to you both. Wedding planning is stressful, but try not to get overly bogged down by that and enjoy it as much as you can.

I had about twelve people at my wedding and it was awesome. I went and hung out with others as time allowed after the wedding. There doesn't need to be guilt involved with a wedding and your friends will understand. Have a post wedding party a few weeks later and invite your social circle without all the formality.

This is totally fine. If you really feel bad, you could explain to them you'd love to have them but your budget only allows inviting a small number of people.
Many people also have a brunch the day after the wedding. Maybe you could invite a handful of people who couldn't make it to the wedding and do a casual brunch or small get together?

Interesting coincidence, I just opened a wedding-related thread in !askmenover30@lemm.ee
As other people say, you have to draw a line, and if you are not a talking basis, it seems understandable to not invite them. They should understand.

At a good friend’s wedding a number of us were invited to attend the reception after the meal, just before the band was due to start, because they had limited funds. I thought it was a good way to include us without blowing the budget.
Edit: I should add that, if you have a wedding in a church or a public place, anyone can attend the official bit, and I have been at weddings where randoms turn up for the church service and sit at the back.

Just tell them the truth. "It's costing me $800 a head and the list as it is will have me in debt for several years."
Then contemplate this and you'll probably shed a tear in front of them. They'll understand.

14 comments