What’s your best Essex Girl joke?
What’s your best Essex Girl joke?
I from the US, just learned about these today, and had a chuckle.
an essex girl was driving down the A13 when her car phone rang. it was her boyfriend, urgently warning her "treacle, i just heard on the news that theres a car going the wrong way on the A13. please be careful!" "its not just one car!" said the essex girl "theres hundreds of them!"
An Essex girl is involved in a car crash and is trapped and bleeding. The paramedics soon arrive on the scene.
Medic: "I'm a paramedic and I'm going to ask you some questions. OK?"
Girl: "OK"
Medic: "what's your name?"
Girl: "Sharon"
Medic: "OK Sharon, is this your car?"
Sharon: "yes"
Medic: "where are you bleeding from?"
Sharon: "Romford, mate."
(I was born in Essex so I think I'm allowed to tell these :p)
American here: when I read that in my own accent I didn’t get it, so I backed up and read the punchline in an English accent and I laughed. Funny how that works
What do Essex girls put behind their ears to attract boys?
Their feet.
(Substitute "Essex" for your least preferred nationality for maximum primary school clout)
Hell, that's going back a way. I don't think that I have heard one of those since the 90s. They really haven't aged well - not that they were exactly the height of PC humour back then.
What's the difference between a shopping trolley and an Essex girl?
A shopping trolley has a mind of its own.
they haven’t aged well
This sort of humor in general hasn’t aged well. I think this sort of thing is still funny when it’s a surprise, ie used sparingly.
One or two seems like the maximum. Otherwise you're getting into dirty old man territory.
There was an advert in Australia in the early 2000s with that joke too for a car insurance company.
So these are the equivalent of blonde jokes?
Are these basically like "dumb blonde" jokes in America?
I think so; except leaning more heavily on promiscuity?
Blonde jokes have that as well. Why did the Blonde wear a tight skirt? To keep her legs closed.
There used to be a UK clothes shop called C&A. The joke was -
Why did the Essex girl have C&A knickers?
So she could tell which way round to put them on
These seem just like misogynistic "women are dumb jokes"
They definitely are!
I had a thought about finding similarly themed jokes about men, but haven’t had any luck yet. It’s true that a good number of blond jokes could be gender agnostic so long as they are just about intelligence.
Many probably are adaptations of old jokes. I've heard that one in a neutral version, in my native language, and now here. But yeah, not nice to target women.
Essex, where the girls have a higher sperm count than the boys.
Father’s Day in Essex, the most confusing time of year.
It seems like these are just "blond jokes" from the 80's or recycled jokes about 2nd-gen feminists in america. I have no doubt they have their roots in misogyny.
The fact that it's usually women doing the dumb thing is problematic, but these jokes are easily mapped onto whoever you want to denigrate. As a Montana, these were often jokes about North Dakota, and as the scion of a large Norwegian clan, I also often heard these as Sven and Ole jokes.
To me the latter is actually a funnier way to approach them, because it's two characters who everyone knows are dumb (and who are stand-ins for those people in your life who act this way) and you're not just blanket insulting a whole group of people.
You're right. But add rich and disconnected too. I've never been, but I think Essex is Beverly Hills with bad weather.
Edit: I love being corrected here. I can't believe how wrong I was. If anyone is interested in the post-mortem of this disinformation, I love British panel shows and hate reality TV. So jokes about The Only Way is Essex completely blend together with Made in Chelsea. I think I thought they were the same because my brain turns off when reality TV comes up.
Holy shit it's a joke. You take the fun out of everything, if you don't like it that's ok, just shut up
From the UK, actually born in Essex. Yes, 20-30 years ago people laughed at these, me included. These days you wouldn't tell them in public, if at all. Same as for 'Englishman, Irishman, Scotsman' jokes.
Anytime you're picking on someone for a characteristic that:
- They didn't choose
- They can't change
That's a bad look. These days if you tell a joke like this at work you're likely to get bad looks and your sudden employment will look bad.
This is probably true in your little social circle but crude jokes are still told most everywhere and they will by and large still get a good knee slap.
Just remembered -
Why was the Essex girl sitting on the park bench with her legs open?
To keep the flies off her ice cream
So, Sven & Ole jokes but with the English flavor of classism?
Permanently Deleted
The only one that I remember is,
How can you tell when an Essex girl has had an orgasm?
She drops her packet of crisps.
Seems a bit rubbish now I've typed that out. 😆
Essex is to the UK what New Jersey is to the US.
Not from the UK - why is it Essex in particular?
It's tricky to define but it has to do with proximity to London (Capital city) and the developing existence of influencers or (it girls) as they were known, combined with poor education and you had a generation of glamorous idiots, that were identified as being from Essex early. Think early Kim Kardashian such as Jordan https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Katie_Price
I would say Essex is stereotyped as being relatively affluent but lacking class, and is often a source of jokes.
I tried to find a succinct explanation but couldn't so if you want a long read
How many Essex girls does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, Essex girls screw in Capris.
Which goes to show how old these jokes are.
Why don't they ever do the Christmas nativity in Essex?
They can't find three wise men or a virgin.