At what age and how do you tell children about the truth of Christmas?

Let it be an exercise in critical thinking. I knew from a young age that Santa wasn't real. Kids talk. Mom still gives us presents from Santa, 39 years later.

I have 3 kids. I've never lied to them about Santa. I've always told them that the idea behind Xmas was kindness and giving and left it at that, and that the whole Santa thing was just a fun story to play along with, like the tooth fairy or social equality.
- Damn, hitting them hard with reality at the end there lol
- We have 2 kids, and never said that Santa was real and that some of our friends believed that it was the 'birth' of a scarred person to them - we talked about solstice etc. The second of our kids had an unwavering belief in Sant until about a month a go - then she accused us of lying to her that Sant was real - some battles you just cant win
- All right," said Susan. "I'm not stupid. You're saying humans need... fantasies to make life bearable."
  REALLY? AS IF IT WAS SOME KIND OF PINK PILL? NO. HUMANS NEED FANTASY TO BE HUMAN. TO BE THE PLACE WHERE THE FALLING ANGEL MEETS THE RISING APE.
  "Tooth fairies? Hogfathers? Little—"
  YES. AS PRACTICE. YOU HAVE TO START OUT LEARNING TO BELIEVE THE LITTLE LIES.
  "So we can believe the big ones?"
  YES. JUSTICE. MERCY. DUTY. THAT SORT OF THING.
  "They're not the same at all!"
  YOU THINK SO? THEN TAKE THE UNIVERSE AND GRIND IT DOWN TO THE FINEST POWDER AND SIEVE IT THROUGH THE FINEST SIEVE AND THEN SHOW ME ONE ATOM OF JUSTICE, ONE MOLECULE OF MERCY. AND YET—Death waved a hand. AND YET YOU ACT AS IF THERE IS SOME IDEAL ORDER IN THE WORLD, AS IF THERE IS SOME...SOME RIGHTNESS IN THE UNIVERSE BY WHICH IT MAY BE JUDGED.
  "Yes, but people have got to believe that, or what's the point—"
  MY POINT EXACTLY.
  
  What's this from? Thought it was Terry pratchett to begin with but not sure who Susan is if so
- Then they go tell all their friends lol

Are you referring to santa and elves or the birth of Christ?
My 5yo daughter appreciates santa et.al. as a cheeky fun fantasy just like the easter bunny and tooth fairy. I never tried to convince her that any of it it real.
We even have an elf on a shelf that she looks far every morning with great enthusiasm but if someone gets weird about she says “its just a toy ok”
- It's not a toy, honey. It's a tool of the police state.

When they directly ask you, you tell the truth, doesn’t matter the age. They probably won’t ask until well into elementary school. Here is an interesting Psychology Today article about lying to your kids about Santa. To sum it up, not really harmful. https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-nature-deception/201912/should-you-lie-kids-about-santa
- I still remember when I asked my mom about Santa, she replied, “It’s what you believe in your heart.”
  What the hell? He either exists or he doesn’t. That was the second I stopped believing.

First, prove Santa Claus doesn't exist and then we can talk about your opinions.

I think a key observation in my childhood, was that adults don't generally know what's best, or right, or even what's true. Intentions mattered more than some arbitrary 'correct' behavior. I figure all children work this out at some level, faster than we're willing to acknowledge :D
So I guess yeah, it is a bit weird, but that doesn't make it bad. Maybe the best we can do is suggest parents hold their children's best interests at heart, and do what's best for their specific situation.
- adults don't generally know what's best, or right, or even what's true. Intentions mattered more
  this is why I'm so damaged

Just don't play into it. My parents never did the Santa gifts thing from the beginning. All our gifts were from mom, dad, grandma/grandpa, etc.
I never got a "talk" that I can remember about Santa not being real, it just never was a thing.
No magic was lost for me or my siblings. Christmas was still our favorite holiday of the year. Still had tons of fun decorating, making cookies and gingerbread houses, making gift wishlists, going out to get a tree, putting up lights, getting up early Christmas morning to open gifts, etc.
Most magical time of my life personally as a kid during the season, nothing was lost by not believing in Santa bringing me presents.
Emphasize the important things about the season. It's about generosity, spreading joy to others, celebrating friends and family that we don't get to see often, etc. Don't make it consumeristic. I wish my folks had taken me and my sibs to help at some sort of community function around the holidays. Although as we got into our teens, we would do food drives and toys for tots, etc. Which was good.

By truth do you mean that Santa doesn't exist, that the whole Christmas celebration is an adaptation of Roman pagan traditions, or that Jesus never existed?
- Jesus probably did exist, but he probably didn't commit miracles.
  
  Exactly. Also, fun fact: If I recall correctly, there were a lot of religious preachers/prophets at the time. A good example is John the Baptist. Why do you think he baptised Jesus? So Jesus could now be a member of John's church/cult/club/group/whatever. My personal headcannon (i.e I don't have evidence to back it up but it just makes a lot of sense) is that Jesus learned how to lead a religion by example from John the Baptist and used that to grow his own religious group. And if it wasn't for the crucifixion, Jesus's religious group would have never grown to be so popular that it eventually spread throughout the Roman Empire. Now, I'm guessing the resurrection got added to the story either because Jesus was still alive when removed from the cross and then nursed back to health, or because someone saw him before the crucifixion and somehow got into his head that the time they saw Jesus was after the crucifixion and the story spread mouth to mouth, changing over time. Of course, as it turns out that was among main topics of discussion during the Council of Nicaea: should Jesus be perceived as human or as divine?
  
  Source?
- Santa doesn't exist? Why am I just now finding this out?
- You stole the words right out of my mouth. Thanks for saving me the time to type that comment.

At what age do you tell boomer parents the truth about Christmas? That their daughter who moved away to the "bIg CiTy" so she could get an "eDuCaTiOn" and pursue a "CaReEr" and "dRiNk LaTtEs" is actually happy there, is not going to come home from Christmas, fall in love with the blue collar boy who never left town, and magically discover the rural housewife life is what she actually wanted all along?
- yayyy Hallmark movies
- Now that's crazy talk... /s

My parents always told me the "truth" about Christmas: it's Jesus' birthday, and Santa Claus is a lie from the devil meant to turn you away from God.
I grappled with this question for awhile as a young parent. A thing that I noticed about kids is that they are great at make-believe, and they will get endless enjoyment from things that they made up themselves.
So I gave them presents "from Santa", I filled stockings on Christmas Eve, etc., and we all knew we were playing the Christmas game together. I don't think there was any lack in wonder or enjoyment.
I also made sure that they knew that some folks take it really seriously and believe Santa is real and everything, and that's really none of your business so just play along and don't ruin it for them.
- Omg they told you that Santa was a lie from the devil? It always fascinates me when people of Christian faiths don't know that Santa is Saint Nicholas, the early Christian bishop. I'm glad you found your way to make Christmas fun for your kids!

My kids have always known Santa wasn't real. We just nonchalantly talk about which adult is going to be santa this year. It's like playing pretend, and doesn't make the kids any less excited (but does remove the awkwardness of explaining why it's ok that a strange old man you don't know is allowed to come into the house while everyone is sleeping because he is giving you stuff, but other strange old men trying to give you stuff shouldn't be trusted).
For the telling other kids at school thing, my sister would say that it's not her responsibility to cover for other parents lying to theig kids. We would each be honest to our kids and let other parent handle their kids.

The sooner you can tell your kids God's not real, the better. Just make sure you tell them it's not their job to explain that to their peers.
Unless you meant Santa. In which case the same applies.

Don't lie to your children about someone sneaking into the house at night while everyone is asleep, it's fucking weird.
- It's weird from an adult's perspective but it's magical for a kid, and seeing the excitement build and the idea of actual magic contributing to a really family centric event is like proper magic for a parent too.
  I spent a long time growing up thinking that I would never do that to my kids, but I think it's actually crueler not to do it now. You're taking away an experience most children share and get excited by together for no real reason.
  My children are 3.5 and 9months and I haven't decided when I'd let the older one know but it's certainly a few years away at least. I'm hoping that one day she comes and asks me herself how real it is because she's pieced together how impossible some aspects are, but I really have no idea how naively optimistic I'm being. I guess what's more likely is she comes home from school upset one day because another kid told her, and then I'll have to explain it and get her on board to keep the magic alive for her little brother.
  
  Yeah, once you have kids, you realize the magic of Xmas trumps any other potential issues one might have with it.
  Kids don't think about all the issues of "free toys, stranger danger, weirdo in my house, lapsitting on an older dude".
  For them Christmas is pure magic. I would never take this away from my Kids. My eldest knows the truth, he still loves pretending and making my youngest kids believe.
  Sometimes the magic of a situation is much more important than the "educational value". You won't traumatize your kids by having santa come and have the best morning of their entire year....
- It's not a stranger. Santa was a fairytale part of our family.
  He left presents with the permission and collaboration of my parents. So he wasn't sneaking in without first consulting with them. No different to the comings and goings of my parents other friends and family. Theoretically they could have told him I was naughty, and not let him in.
  If it's a real issue, for some weird reason, have him "post" the presents.
  kids cotton on fast, but it is a fun game, no different to waking from your nap and finding out your grandfather flew in from overseas when you were sleeping.

As an ex-child, I figured it out on my own at the age of 6. You see, back then, our gifts would be given to us by a Santa Claus in a suit at our kindergarten, and the gifts would be what we wrote letters for with our parents. We would tell our parents, and they would "write" and "send" the letters. Then they would buy, pack, and label the present, and then bring it in to our kindergarten sometime earlier. On one of the last days when we break up for Christmas, the Santa would come to our kindergarten and we would take photos with them and our presents. After that, we would go home with the presents and get the photos soon. Now, as you can clearly see in the picture from the previous year, the santa has a very different beard and suit, far too different to be real. Alongside that, a roll of the same wrapping paper was hidden behind my parents' wardrobe, and last but not least, my name on the present was written in my mother's unique and very recognisable handwriting style. Not bad for a 6-year-old, huh?
- I was also 6. I received California Games on Nintendo. It has a barcode. I thought, "what the hell does Santa need a barcode for?" Mom tried to tell me the elves couldn't make video games and I was like yeah right, you fucking bought that.
- I was kinda on the opposite end of the spectrum lol. I remained steadfast in engaging with the Santa Claus mythos until a pretty late age despite my parents staight up telling me they were the ones getting me presents, and despite knowing that all evidence pointed to them telling the truth, lol.
- Ugh my sister believed until she was 10. When I pointed out that the labels were in mom & dad's handwriting, she said Santa had a special pen that mimics other people's handwriting (why? no idea). Like come on dawg you're in the double digits now, you've gotta be smarter than this.

We used Santa (et al.) as an exercise in critical thinking. Outside of saying, "Yep, the Easter Bunny did it." we never directly lied about it. If they asked a question about it, we answered truthfully.
Child: "Whoa, how does he visit all those homes in one night?"
Dad: "It's impossible unless he uses magic."
C: "Whoa magic is real??"
D: "Nope."
They all figured it out on their own before they hit grade school.
- That's what my parents did too. Backfired on them when I left religion years later lmao
  They thought it was funny/cute when I tried to argue with other kids about it, but aren't so happy when I argue about religion with them now 😆
  
  Wow, your parents raised you to think critically for yourself, then got upset when you thought critically for yourself? Lol
  That being said, I'm glad your parents had their priorities in order

Much like sex, drugs and Rock and Roll, let them find out about it on the playground like the rest of us did...
- @WashedOver @Clymene cant stress just how much I disagree here if you're serious
  Parental teaching, while not perfect, is the way to go to atleast lay some groundwork for thigs like sex ed before you step out into world
  By the time you reach the playground, its too late and you can easily be taken advantage of
  Anyone else, apart from parents, have ulterior motives

If I had kids I'd just do what every parent I know including my own did and let them find out themselves. I feel like it's more natural that way.

There is no evidence that belief in Santa is harmful to children, nor is telling them the truth. They only believe in Santa for like maybe three years, and they’ll figure it out on their own. The vast majority of kids figure it out by age ~7-8. You can tell them whatever you want, it won’t matter either way.
If you do tell them the truth, or they figure it out on their own, be sure to also tell them that even if they don’t believe, other kids do, and being a Santa-truther will not win them any prizes or make them any friends. It’s a good lesson about living in a society.

From the very beginning. It's much more magical and less creepy.

Kids I’m really sorry to tell you this, but this year we had the earliest Christmas decoration rollout in recorded history.
Unless something serious changes, scientists are predicting that by the year 2050, Christmas will be year-round.
That’s why we need you to grow up to understand that Christmas is in December, and to wage war on Christmas happening in any other month.
- The real war on Christmas, and about the only war I support.
- Halloween is over. I'm setting up my tree tomorrow morning. I'll only take it down mid February. I'll blast Christmas songs the entire time. It's the best season of the year. Fuck only celebrating it in December.
  Nothing beats sitting around a Christmas tree in the evening watching TV with the entire family for almost 4 months
  
  Big box stores near me were selling Christmas stuff in September this year.

As soon as you want. They usually only care about the presents anyway. Doesn't matter if it was given to them in a fat guy in a red suit or by their parents.

Just let them figure it out. I planted walkie talkies in the living room to catch santa when I was about 9.

What truth of Christmas?
- That Santa isn't real is what the op is referring to
  
  WHAT?! If Santa isn't real then how do those presents get there?? And the cookies! Where do they go??

We lived in a house without a fireplace and the whole thing made no sense to 5yo me.
- I'm pretty sure this was addressed in The Santa Clause movies. A fireplace just appears.
  
  As Tim Allen is crammed down what was either a sewer vent and/or furnace chimney.
- We had a wood stove hooked up to our chimney. 😬

Never, because Santa is the spirit of Christmas, and he is real. As long as someone includes a "from Santa" label on at least one gift, Santa's been there.
Nowadays, it's agreed in the family that stockings are from Santa.
- Oh, "from Santa"... I must've been thanking the wrong guy, but Satan does have a similar name.
  
  Satan gives better candy, and has a cool van.

No magic for me, I told them immediately as they could understand. That shit is a gateway to religion. I didn't even care if they believed me or the liars, I was quietly ready to be found right in some years, but the keepers of the ol' magic flame were not persuasive enough and my brood went around redpilling their peers.
- That is why it is such a great learning tool. Sitting them down when they find out Santa isn't what they thought, and discussing that at school they will meet Christians who believe things as solidly as they believed in Santa, and that beliefs can be important to people, just as Santa was important to them, even though they might be wrong it isn't very nice to burst that bubble.... The kids get it, they understand fact and fiction better, and won't be tricked again. It is a great learning experience. And kids will play along with it and not ruin someone else's christmas.

I waited until he was 8 years old before explaining the horror of Satan Claws

We just never invested in that with our kid. We said things like, "it's fun to pretend" and "some other families believe..."
It isn't hard. I grew up believing Native Americans were Israelites and there were ancient records written on metal plated under a hill in central New York. Many families believe our don't believe certain things.

We "believed" it until I was like 8. I didn't really believe it that long but played along thinking I could potentially be getting more presents if my parents had to buy gifts from themselves and "Santa".

It's just horrible to see secular people intentionally lying to their kids. It fosters mistrust. Sure, celebrate Christmas, and put the presents in the stocking and whatnot, make it fun. But to lie to your kids about who's doing it seems totally unnecessary and harmful. Same for the tooth fairy. Fortunately for me, my parents didn't lie to me about the tooth fairy. And I appreciate that.
- B nice bro dont waste my vote

I'm seeing a lot of judgement on pretending Santa exists vs being 100% truthful with your kids. I don't think either way is a bad way, but don't judge others if they choose to pretend Santa is real.
With that being said, I do agree that if you are going to go with the Santa story, when the kid asks if they are real you should be truthful.
I just went through this with my 9 year old. She just came up one day and asked me if Santa was real and I told her no. There were a lot of follow up questions and it made her realize the tooth fairy, Easter Bunny, etc were the same situation. She asked me why we pretended Santa was real and I explained for us it was nice to see the magic that they felt from a stranger being kind just for kindness sake.
For me personally, I think it's a good lesson for kids to begin logically questioning their world and what they've been told.

My dad used to dress up as Santa Claus and bring gifts to kids at the village's daycare... This required months of work from my mother to buy toy packs and similar stuff to separate into little assorted packages for the kids. This started before I was born, it was impossible to hide the fact from me growing up, and they never tried to pretend Santa was real, they just told me not to tell the other kids. I had no further questions or doubts to be assuaged.

In our family it was done like this: The story of how the presents get magically to the house was told, just like you would tell a fairytale, in this kind of storytelling way. Younger children believe it, older children begin suspecting something from the tone of voice. We also let some things slip sometimes, like hiding presents and having to go and buy some secret stuff to help with preparing the Christmas. Children of older preschool age really enjoy being able to find out themselves, suspecting you and catching the clues. Then when they confront you with their theory, you can let them in on the conspiration by just a wink, maybe tell them not to let others know. They then tend to start participating, preparing their own presents for others. It works very well.
- I like this. in my family, I figured it out at about 3 or 4, promptly told the 2 year old, and broke the reality to the next two before they could even start to believe there was a real Santa.
  instead, Santa was the spirit of Christmas, so any of us could be Santa if we gave presents with no expectation of recognition or a return gift. much more Secret Santa than magical man leaving presents.
  this did lead to several years where the youngest would give away all their toys, only to then reclaim them after presents were opened. generosity isn't an easy concept for the pre-schoolers.

I'm ok with Christmas presents, but not with with Santa bullshit. Same with Tooth Fairy or anything similar. What's the point?
Also, if your kids know you're the one giving them their presents, maybe the will appreciate you a bit more.
- I prefer the idea of "santa claus" as a personification, similar to "mother nature" or "old man winter." We humans seem given to celebration around the winter solstice, gathering together somewhere warm, sharing a meal, exchanging gifts, making merriment. Illustrating this phenomenon as a jolly old man that travels the world spreading good cheer works for me. I'm fine with "holiday spirit" wearing a goofy bright red suit and having a distinctive laugh.
  I'm also pretty okay with addressing presents "from Santa" for the gift giver to remain anonymous; the legend of the histoical Saint Nicholas heavily involves anonymous gift giving, so I'm okay with carrying out that reference in the modern day.
  I'm not sure how useful it is to lead children to believe that there's literally a man that commits hundreds of millions of reverse burglaries every December, especially when a lot of the specific details and trappings of this were made up by retail marketing in the 20th century.
- Yeahhhh, I did not care for the "Santa toys" as much as I did the ones from my parents. I still regret that to this day. If it stopped working or I lost it I'd think it was okay because it was free.
  Though, in grade ~2 i told everyone i could go work in Santa's work shop if I tried more new foods....
- Completely agree with you. I'm definitely underqualified to speak of this, as I have no children, but I have a masters degree in pedagogy, started a PhD in pedagogy years ago that I never finished and briefly worked as a teacher, but I've never once in my life saw as little as a proper article with any proof that belief in Santa is in any way beneficial to a child's developement.
  Moreover I honestly believe it's detrimental. Such belief often leaves children in poor families disappointed and resentful when they see their friends get much more impressive gifts. On top of that such belief leads to ungrateful and entitled behavior in children as they believe they are owed a present, without understanding the sacrifices their parents have to make to buy this present.
  Tldr: Please don't make your kids worship capitalist mascots, if you want them to have a magical childhood just read them a book or spend quality time with them.

We have always celebrated the winter solstice and Santa Claus with our kids and skipped the lie of Christmas all together.

I never grew up with Santa and don't plan on any kids of mine doing so if I become a mom.

My brother was straight up with his kids from the start. He didn't want some imaginary fat man taking credit for the thoughtful gifts he gives them.

Kids talk at school. Ages 5 to 9.
Saw this on Reddit years ago, and it goes like: You had a great time thinking of Santa. Now you know the truth, and you are now Santa. Same as your parents. Don't ruin it for your siblings, let them keep the magical feeling.
- This. I was eight when I found out. My mother was in denial and kept using santa as a manipulation tool for good behavior until I was maybe 13, but she was an alcoholic with the tentative grasp of reality. I got super bitter about Christmas until I was homeless as a teen.
  Christmas was the first major attempt to wrestle back what I felt I was owed as a child. I refused to be bitter, because I saw that as giving in to the people who wanted me to fail. I enjoy Christmas as punk as fuck.
  Still hard, though. I can't find anyone as into it as I want to be and don't have the energy to really go all in as I want to.

https://youtu.be/BsR6sIsoWgU
Not sure if it will help, I was looking for another video about Santa specifically. But could not find it. In that video he says that he did not dismiss Santa's tales but also did not engage with it. And at a certain point question the tales and asked the kids how they know that's Santa who is giving them presents. Then the kids looked for ways to find out, and discovered themselves. (If I remember correctly)
- Here is an alternative Piped link(s):
  https://piped.video/BsR6sIsoWgU
  Piped is a privacy-respecting open-source alternative frontend to YouTube.
  I'm open-source; check me out at GitHub.
  
  We made a point of never lying to our kids about Christmas/Santa and it didn't seem to diminish their enjoyment of Christmas at all.

Never lie to them in the first place. Also no circumcision. Just don't do predictably horrible shit to little-yous who have to live with the fallout
- Who said anything about circumcision? Lol
  
  On the topic of shitty things to do to a person
- At least 3 downvotes as of now. Peak Lemmy.
  
  So peak lemmy isn't "whining about downvotes" anymore? Someone forgot to CC me on the memo.

I was 2 and a half and spotted that Santa was wearing my Dad's shoes. As I thought he'd killed my father and robbed his shoes I was upset and my parents had to explain that Santa wasn't some kind of murder hobo but that the Wellington boots that came.with the Santa outfit were too.small, so my Dad had to use his own. Never did me any harm.

We always said Santa was a fun make believe activity, but then our house has a lot of fantasy media so what's one more myth?

I don't remember being told that santa existed, growing in a deeply religious family christmas was always about Jesus. Now I'm an atheist so I guess 16-18 when I found out it's actually a pagan festival that the romans ductaped Christianity to it

Not christmas stuff here but also giftbringer once a year.
Most times the children get to know the truth at 6-8 year. When they are in the year off school you get to write and read... If you don t know yet the others will tell you. And sometimes a bit of laughing. Hardcore believers are like 10. Never saw one older than that.
My sister was 4 she wanted proof. So explained. I was 6 and mam told me cause my relatives got always so mutch more and she did not wanted me to feel bad. Or think i was bad. My niece was 10 and she was like 2 days sad crying in het bed after dhe was told.

I found the present stash when I was about 5-6 years old and spent a few years continuing to go through the motions of Santa, playing dumb. I was also told by a non-Christian kid around that time that Santa was fake (not sure which came first). It made me very upset for a day, which is why I remember so clearly, and then I realized either way Christmas is still great. I'm glad I played dumb, for my sister's sake, and I think my parents got a kick out of it.

My kids are of the age where they're starting to think critically about it. We've never directly lied and said that he's real and have instead answered their questions with a "do you think he's real?", and then they have a think and conclude that he is.
When they come to us with more of a statement than a question, for example "Santa isn't real, is he?", then we will let them in on the ruse.

Well, the Queen is dead now, so you're free to give up the ghost on everything else.
Except... for Tom Turkey.
We have to all take that secret to our graves.

You teach it as young as you can. Teach them to laugh at the pathetic, hate-mongering Christians and their silly traditions that make no sense. Encourage them to tell their peers the truth at school as well.
- For someone who calls Christians hate-mongering, you're pretty hateful yourself.
  
  "Takes one to know one"