read in Patrick Bateman voice

I blearily open my eyes at 4:55am, after snoozing 25 minutes of alarms. I still ache from yesterday’s labour, so I crack as many bones in my body as I can before dragging myself out of bed. I have just enough time to boil the kettle and prepare a tea. My thermos will keep it too hot to drink until I arrive at work, defeating the purpose of preparing it. I sometimes forget to brush my teeth or take my antidepressant medication, despite leaving both medication and teeth cleaning implements in highly visible locations. I keep a strongly minted gum in my work locker for this reason. As I make it to the bus stop, I stand in the cold for several minutes and wonder why I ever quit smoking cigarettes.