30 to 40 olives

When I worked at a fair trade store we had these Palestinian olives that were so damn good. Every morning I'd open a jar for customers to sample, eat olives till I made myself sick, then do it again the next day. Good times.

Sounds anti semetic
Were they the slightly wrinkly black ones? Mmmm
- Greens and pointier browns, the greens were incredible, but I always prefer green olives.

I went to bed laughing about this image. Woke up having forgotten it, just to see it again and start my day off laughing. This is peak memery, thank you

A while back a dev invited users to test out his app in beta that gave recipe ideas based on your dietary preferences (back before everyone was doing it).

I told it I’m vegetarian, am lactose free (m’spouse is lactose intolerant), and gluten free (I’m not, but 23andMe told me to maybe cut back on gluten to avoid developing the celiac’s I’m at risk for/others in my family have).

The only food it came up with for me— for dinner— was “a handful of almonds.”

That phrase has become a running gag with friends and I whenever we’re hungry af, because I’ll never forget how hilarious of a dinner suggestion that was. It felt akin to my vegetarian experience of going to a stakehouse for my grandpa’s birthday and the waiter being understandably woefully unprepared for my dietary preferences.

Even now some recipe apps— when I look for gluten free stuff— I can tell it didn’t filter my results and instead just appended “gluten free” to ingredients that normally have gluten.
Which I get, but like… gluten free bread is gross/they haven’t mastered that at all.
- gluten free bread is gross/they haven’t mastered that at all
  Canyon Bakehouse has pretty decent bread, except the loaves grocery stores typically carry are woefully tiny. Like “for ants” tiny.
  O’Doughs burger buns are decent, except two things:
  They don’t slice all the way through the bun when precutting, and
  They have poppy seeds on them
  As for hotdog buns; well, all brand’s are shit and the people making them should feel really bad for the terrible job they’ve done. Seriously, they should feel nothing but shame.
OMG I would fucking destroy a handful of almonds right now.
- Ironically I indeed have come around to eating them as a snack, which I never would’ve considered at the time.
  (I was more about whatever high sodium crap triggered the dopamine at the convenience store nearby: chips, Chex mix, corn nuts, etc.)
You don’t develop celiacs. It’s an autoimmune disorder. You have it or you don’t.
There are unrelated gluten allergies, but celiacs is an illness
- No one is born with celiac disease. Yes, it's an autoimmune disorder, but it can develop at any age.

one time I got home late from work and I had a jar of pickles and a box of cheap wine in the fridge, so i poured myself a cup and grabbed some pickles and ate that for dinner, then about an hour later I had to run to the toilet to barf out all the pink relish

Living the good life I see.
That sounded pretty good until the pink relish part. Won't try it.

Living in a hotel during the week, olives and sauerkraut are my go to when I can’t be bothered

I suggest adding kimchi to this rotation
- Excellent suggestion. I love Kimchi, and have been making my own recently

Usually these are supposed to be ironic, but I genuinely see nothing wrong with this.

It's a healthier meal than 90% of stuff from the supermarket, maybe a bit high on the salt
- maybe a bit high on the salt
  If they're calamatas take that bit high and make it slightly less salty then all the salt.

Olives - the father
Olive tapenade - the son
Olive oil - the holy spirit

Weird I thought pimento was the son.
- That's Protestant heresy!
- What the fuck is wrong with you?

I’m described by this meme and I don’t like it.

Didn’t you read the meme? There’s nothing to regret

To be frank, I definitely did this as tome point and I'm pretty sure I actually did not regret it.

this seems like a after dinner thing for me, sit down have dinner, go grab some olives and watch tv

wee-knight

Eat them out of a jar with your fingers?

What am I? A beast?

No. Chopsticks. I can eat far, far more olives if I preserve the integrity of my fingers.

This works with Maraschino cherries, also. Helps you reach the bottom of the jar and keeps your fingers from turning red. Double bonus.
Said jar, by the way.
- Also like, why are you getting your fingers in brine/ syrup that is going to stay in the jar? Thats gross.
  Also, holup.
  Are you just straight mackin' Maraschino cherries?
Am I the only aspiring tree frog in this thread? Nobody else enjoys putting olives on their fingers and waving menacingly?

I spent ten whole days in Jerusalem
Mmmm Jerusalem
Sweet Jerusalem
And all I ate was olives
Nothing but olives
Mountains of olives
It was a good ten days
I like olives
I like you too

-The messiah

Dr. Nussbaum was right...
- He said "Get it out in the ooooopen"

Obviously you have to use your fingers, because you need to stick the olives on the ends of your fingers and wiggle your fingers around first before eating the olives.

Am I not suppose to use my penis?
- Not if you want it to stay extra virgin
- Not unless its split enough ways to give you more than one functional head to eat olives off of.
THANK YOU. This is the way.
What size are the olives where you're at?

I'm drunk as fuck rn but the pub I went to had some bomb ass olives that tasted kind of like corn, and now I regret not asking what they were called.

Fuck it. Ask them. Just pick up the phone and call them right now to ask.

I like this.

You gotta balance that out with some croutons. Like, a whole bag of croutons.

if i had to pick something to eat 30 or 40 of then olives would be in the top 5

Pistachios?

Dinner ✅

if it needs to be green olives, get the stuffed ones. but black olives are fine.

I used to eat entire cans of black olives as a kid when there wasn't much in the house.

I still would, except I don't usually have cans of olives on hand.

Finally, a real life hack!

Later that day, my anus: "You have betrayed me!"

Costco sells a big jar of garlic-stuffed green olives and I have to ration my daily intake or I'll destroy the jar in no time

Seriously? brb, off to Costco.

mmmmm.... olives

I have a spit-roast thing that I use to eat from the jar without using my fingers. Very satisfying. I support olives for dinner.

FIVE CANS?!

CAN YOU?!
I devour the entire pizza and still feel hungry later

Hal those aren’t olives, those are peaches

I did this once, paired an olive mix with a spread of fancy cheeses and a few crackers. Let's just say these foods have since stayed in the appetizer section of my diet where they belong.

If olives not available substitute cookies, graham crackers, York peppermint patties, or Cheetos.

I think after 10 or so Yorks you'd probably lose the ability to detect, by taste alone, that you had put another one in. Just fully mintmaxing your taste buds.
- lol yes, can confirm!

What if I'm too dysfunctional to buy the olives?

You don't even have to buy them. The jars at the supermarket aren't locked or anything.