It's a very rare find

Wait what.. that makes no sense. I haven't seen this movie; was it a satire or like a fourth wall break or some sort of a joke?

Wow, and here I thought the writer of that book, Homer Simpson, didn't exist!!

I’m also in possession of original hand-written letters by Jesus Christ himself, inside the original envelope complete with the “par avion” stamp that my neighbour gifted me.

What’s that about ?

Glasses make you more clever. This is why I wear a higher prescription than I actually need.
- It's okay because when your friend decides to give you a makeover so you can be "hot" they just need to take your glasses off after they fix your hair. It's fine really. No issues at all. Why did you have them on in the first place?

Rare texts are kinda my jam, a few highlights in my collection:
A signed first edition of the Necronomicon (it still screams and bleeds)
An early draft of the 10 commandments (before it got narrowed down to just 10)
The treatise between cats and dogs that lead to cats getting litter boxes and dogs getting walks
- "The lord has given unto you these 15 —"
  crash
  "... 10 commandments!"
  
  There are in fact 21 listed Commandments btw
  The first eleven (which it says are ten) listed in Exodus are different from the ones commonly repeated from Deuteronomy and are mostly about ensuring the comfort and power of the priest class through tithing
- Crazy that they removed the screaming from subsequent editions of the Necronomicon. Nowadays it's gone through so many revisions new copies don't even bleed. Sometimes the modern special editions will whimper a bit, but that's all you get.
  
  Finding a untainted (no gooning!) virgin is near impossible, so getting the books to even give off an evil aura is next to impossible.
  Also, since the 3rd Cosmic Revelation, there's no requirement to sign a pact with Cthulhu to print a copy, so quality control has dropped significantly.
- FYI, a treatise is not the same as a treaty.
  
  It was a long time ago and they were just guessing at what written language was even going to look like. That they got it in perfect English minus one word is remarkable.
  
  Don’t tell them that
- This guy could sell a letter written (in French!) by Jesus himself, among other rarities 😁 https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Denis_Vrain-Lucas
  
  Some people deserve to be ripped off. It seems like this guy didn't even try to make it convincing, yet they still sold.
  
  Oh man, when French Jesus turns water into wine, you know it’s good…

Left end of the bell curve: wow signed first edition of the Illiad is so rare
Middle of the bell curve: haha she's stupid because Homer is from ancient Greece
Right end of the bell curve: wow signed first edition of the Illiad is so rare
(The Illiad as a modern translated work can have multiple editions from an author)
- Actual Right End: that's not what you'd refer to as a first edition of The Illiad, unless you're an idiot
  
  I can get you a signed edition of the Bible right now as long as you don’t care which company printed it or who signs it
  
  You say, as you spell 'The Illiad' in English, the earliest instance of which was translated in the 1600s.
  
  Further right of the bell curve than you just to win the silly semantics game you're playing: if you're calling it "The Illiad" and not "Ἰλιάς" you are defacto referring to the book titled "The Illiad" which is the English translation which indeed had a much more recent publication date than the original work.
- She obviously meant the first edition Penguin classics paperback.
- Actual bell curve: a eugenics source book also the basis for Idiocracy so you decide I guess.

To my darling Candy.
All characters portrayed within this book are fictitious and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental.
Homer.

If anybody's wondering... (Youtube link)
Also, ooof. Not that this looks to be a fine piece of cinema, but the writer didn't put this into the script, the director did. Apparently it's an 1884 printing of an 1853 edition of a 1720 translation (Pope's), so in no way whatsoever is it first edition of, well, anything. Maybe the worst part of it is that there was absolutely no reason to linger over the title. They never even say the name of the book.
- The description says "psychological thriller", but the cinematography is giving me "Netflix romcom".
- Someone in the props department snuck in a joke.

I didn't know such a stupid line existed because I didn't watch such a stupid movie.
- How can you all enjoy eating something you know gives you the shit?

Little known fact: the author of The Iliad and the voice actor of Poochie the Dog are the same person!
- Holy shit, Dan Castellaneta wrote The Iliad!?
  
  He does so much extra work, I figured he would have fuck you money from Simpsons as it is

That's nothing. I have a signed first edition of The Epic of Gilgamesh.
- Flinging stones on a beach and I did come across some old pots with a 300th anniversary signed copy of The Torah.
  
  Still signed by Noah, at a spry 413.
- Let me know if the missing verses just randomly perished, were deemed "publisher-unfriendly" or never have been written.
  
  Oh those. They had to scratched off for being 'inappropriate'.
- Probably just mixed in with your correspondence regarding copper ingots.

What's like the coolest, most impressive literary book you can think of? But it has to be something most idiots will recognize.
I don't know, The Iliad?
Awesome. I need a rare book for this screenplay I'm writing. "First edition, signed copy..."
- every copy can be a signed copy, just get a pen
- This is an AI style blunder.

I've heard that it's really not worth that much unless Homer signed his last name too which apparently was pretty rare.
- I’m more curious as to what his middle initial J. stands for.. d’oh!
  
  It's Jay, icydk. :-D

This might beat the scene in The Passion of the Christ where Jesus invents the dining table with chairs.
- Reminds me of that great classic:
  Table for 26?
  But... You're with 13 people.
  Yes, but we like to sit on the same side of the table.
- Technically, he doesn't invent them. He's just riding the trend.
  Also, probably the best scene in that movie.
  
  A bit more nuanced then I remembered.
- He was a lousy carpenter according to scholars: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OclYAJhyNY0
  
  He most likely wasn't a carpenter at all, the Greek just says 'builder'. Probably a stone mason

Jesus actually wrote a book! I got it, he signed it. His cursive is really becoming

Wow, a Methuselah rookie card!

I just googled this is actually in the film. The mind boggles

That's nothin', can't beat my signed first draft of the Mahabharata, before it was ever even sent to an editor!

I have a signed copy of the Bible.
- To my darling Candy. All characters portrayed within this book are fictitious and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental.
  (Joke stolen from Red Dwarf series 2, episode 2, "Better Than Life".)
- You have to be careful with those. I heard that YHWH has whole sweatshops full of elves copying his signature, and they sell these Bibles to tourists to raise money for yacht parties ("YHWH YCHT PRTY YOLO NSFW IRL!!!").

She keeps that copy near the toilet so that she has a light read on hand for those post-Taco Bell sweat inducing shits.

She meant "the IIL AD", but the Is and Ls were hard to read. It was a book about the year 48 AD, in Rome. It was written by her cousin Ilias, from Illinois.

Well this could make for a great "your mama" joke.