6d ago

FaceApp is making me a little desperate for change

My wife and I have life plans that make HRT unrealistic in the near future. We're mostly concerned with fertility and my wife is still coming to terms with my identity. She understands it - she's just grappling with the possible future changes.

In the meantime, I'm starting to do what I can to transition without HRT. Shaving. Exercise and dieting. Growing my hair out. Facial routines and hair routines. Etc.

I found FaceApp (like many other trans folks) and I've become a little obsessive. I take at least one photo a day and I've experimented with using the generated photos in private accounts for a euphoria hit. But I'm feeling like it's making me constantly obsess with transitioning. I'm perusing trans timelines, MTF fashion, etc. on my phone a lot more than usual. Before using the app, I didn't really have "goals". I just wanted to get as close to feminine as possible. Now, I see this other face and I want to be her. I feel trapped in this body.

Anyways, I guess I'm just venting here. It hurts to feel this way.

26 comments

are you actually OK with putting off your transition to (presumably) have kids? a lot of people have commented about faceapp being bad, and they're right, but this seems like it's indicative of deeper dissatisfaction to me
the person who mentioned freezing sperm has a good point, it might get you where you want to be sooner
- Yeah I'm definitely struggling internally but I've been ok. I really want more kids and IVF is expensive. We are considering freezing my sperm, but it's expensive and I'm not exactly wealthy. I'm not poor, but I am a little strapped these days. I don't know what to do about it but I feel a bit stuck. My life plan is to have 2-3 kids. My wife wants more kids as well. She's nervous about the costs of IVF and she's afraid IVF might not work which would start to get even more costly. It's all very new to both of us so it's hard to just suddenly turn around and change our life plans drastically. I only came out to her a month ago or so.
  
  i mean, if it's really that important to you to have kids, that's cool. it's a tough spot to be in, but it probably is simpler, in some ways, to wait it out for a couple of years and bang out the kids and then transition
  but, if you're already feeling this strongly after a month, i think you should really assess how realistic it is for you to make it through several years. yeah, it sucks for you to give up your life goals, and it sucks for your wife too, but sometimes we wake up and discover we're trans and that's life. you can transition and adopt, or not actually have kids... these are still options that you should at least consider on the table
  i think, ideally, IVF would be the route you take. maybe you could take out a medical loan for it? idk if they make non-predatory medical loans, maybe it's something you can look into. and you can just accept if it doesn't work, natural pregnancy might also not work, there's testing you can do for that too
  anyways, obviously you're not gonna sort this out in one post, and you gotta sort it out with your wife, too. like i said, really tough situation. just remember, you need to survive it for it to be a viable option. you getting one or two kids in and CENSORED'ing yourself is a non-starter. be honest with yourself and what you can handle
  (when you start using language like "i feel trapped in this body", it's very concerning for thoss kinds of feelings)

You need to stay away from those apps. They create unrealistic versions of ourselves that we aspire to, but can never truly be. It’s hard when you are first starting to explore your femininity—you want all of the changes to happen right now. But these things take time. It’s been years for me now, and I still am trying to accept myself for who I am. Stay strong, you can do this, but be patient.
- Yeah, we agree, as entities who used it in the past and are far into our bodily transition with HRT the body doesn't look anything like it.
  
  I'm not really worried about my body too much. I'm not super dysphoric about the shape (though I want my belly fat to go away). But I do really want the effeminate look in the face and hair. Are those apps still unrealistic? It's hard to imagine I'll never get to that goal point.

What you're experiencing sounds similar to:
Facebook Allegedly Detected When Teen Girls Deleted Selfies So It Could Serve Them Beauty Ads
Personally I don't use beautify/face-gen apps as I had a terrible experience on Insta and Facebook where I was glued to my feeds because I was depressed about my current state of life.
While I can't say for certain what's the best for you, what I can suggest however is to talk about about how you feel with your wife and perhaps with your close friends and anyone else you can trust as it seems like you want more encouragement to be able to perservere as you transition.
Either way from me to you:
YOU GOT THIS!✊✊
Even though you currently don't look as how you wish at the moment, you've got a great wife whose one of your greatest supports and you've got a great starting plan for getting there!🌻🍀✨
- That's a good point. I have therapy on Friday and I've been bottling up a lot of those feelings for that. But I'm going to bring it up to my wife. We've sort of bridged the emotional gap to the point that I think she's comfortable affirming me without feeling concerned about the whole thing.
  
  But I'm going to bring it up to my wife. We've sort of bridged the emotional gap to the point that I think she's comfortable affirming me without feeling concerned about the whole thing.
  Totally fair🤗🌻

When i started HRT my doc asked If i wanted to freeze sperm incase i wanted to have children one day, maybe thats an Option?
Btw: Love your Username ❤️

Kathryn Janeway would go heft a phaser compression rifle, shoot down the FaceApp intruder, then go see her friendly neighborhood EMH about a hypospray full of estrogen. And maybe consider freezing materials for IVF later on.
Seriously though, those things lead you down the path of unrealistic expectations. Enjoy the journey to your own femininity. It's different for all of us, and no less valid because some awful "AI" code doesn't match up to the face you end up with.
- Lol yes, she would. I am considering freezing materials for IVF for sure!

Despite all of the warnings here, I'm now super tempted to check this FaceApp thing out myself..
Edit: Oh. It's one of these apps that has 90% of the features locked behind a 'pro' badge. And is subscription based, not a once off payment. No thanks.
- I've played with the app a bit. The gender setting does a lot of subtle stuff like changing your face shape ever-so-slightly. I think it's kind of worth trying both directions, just to see how it will try and make you more conventionally attractive. Masc me was very rugged and had a very good beard, and femme me had bigger eyes, smoother skin, and pinker lips. It's uncanny and freaky, but it gave me a better perspective on what the app is actually doing. The positive side is that it's helped me think about how to do hair, makeup, and eyebrows.
  
  That's a good tip about checking it out both ways just to keep your sense of perspective and reality. What I'm hearing is that it has its uses and could be fun, as long as you keep your wits about you and don't fall too much in love with what you see and end up with unrealistic expectations.

26 comments