This is the only kind of haunted house I would go to...

You know about haunted house, but have you heard of hounted horse?

https://xkcd.com/641/

I dunno, my wife and I were hoping for something "gently haunted". We're not racists, we just don't like poltergeists.

I wouldn't visit a house regardless of what it would SAY. Just a simple rule: avoid anything that talks and isn't human or transmitter.