Could Canada join the European Union?

Sure thing! I hope they drag their old masters in the UK along with them when they arrive. This will stretch the meaning of "Europe" a tad though.
- If Turkey can join Canada certainly can
  
  At least part of turkey is on the European continent, or sub confident if you prefer.

I don't know if full membership is reasonable. Full membership would mean complying with all EU standards, those standards include electrical standards, and Canadian and European electrical standards are completely different. They run on 240V at 50Hz and Canada runs on 120V at 60Hz.
But, a closer alignment would be a great idea. Make it easier for workers to move between the EU and Canada. Harmonize some laws (for example, bring EU privacy and data protection laws to Canada). Require Canada to have more efficient vehicles and appliances.
- Surely those standards are occasionally amended to include historic exceptions.

Yep

I'm not in favor of this.
We don't need more super-national institution telling us what to do. I'm on board for good relations and for taking ideas from them, but we need to stop giving power to distant institutions that aren't truly invested in our success.
- So. Just cooperation at the provincial level, which we're excelling at? People cooperate, neighbourhoods, zones, towns, districts, regions, provinces and then no! Stop there! Is that the arbitrary line you've drawn?
  
  I don't know man, the north Atlantic ocean isn't that arbitrary. I'm just saying that our population has been burned out worrying about super high level stuff that doesn't impact them as much as neighborhood activism.
  I'm not accusing you of being a trumpist, but Trump literally called the US-Canada border an arbitrary line, so maybe try a different talking point for this topic?

Yes

I didn't have this on my bingo card when the year started, but hey, I'm all for it. Come join us, be one of us. We are all friends, except Hungary. They should just throw their government out.
Putin and Trump want to split the EU and destroy our unity. Let's make it bigger and better than they ever expected.

I'm in. I'll miss the Loonie, but Europe's looking pretty good these days.
- Using the euro is optional! Many countries kept their own currency.
  
  Are there any non-founding-member countries that kept their own currency?
  I believe it's mandatory for all new members.
- We can still call the coins loonies and toonies, why not?
  
  Pretty sure you get to choose the illustrations on Euros issued in your country so you can continue the theme. Then as it gets mixed in with currency elsewhere the terminology might catch on in continental Europe
- Same. I wouldn't mind switching to the Euro, but our coins are really cool and nostalgic for me. It would be nice if there were a way to keep them.
  
  UK did exactly that. They never swapped their pound with euro. I'm all for it!
  
  I mean, you get to put whatever on the reverse of the coins.

Also see:
"Support for joining the EU is higher in Canada than in Norway."
- Norweigians are just being weird because of their oil riches. They fear (perhaps legitimately) that we'll tax those off of them.

The EU requires unanimity among its existing members in order to add a new member. It's not impossible, but getting Orban to agree to it is, I think, a much bigger stumbling block than the article implies. Any "concessions" Orban demands to accept Canada would themselves have to be unanimously agreed to by existing members.
- Orban has to vote for Canada. Why? His regime will be over in 14 days if he does not get the EU money. Orban's biggest rival is in first place according to the latest polls. If he wants to be re-elected, he cannot sabotage EU policy.
- The EU requires unanimity among its existing members
  Wow, that's a rule that doesn't scale well. Especially since apparently expelling a country requires unanimity too.
- We should just create EU 2.0 without them, with proper rules to handle that bullshit in the future, and... I don't know, Blackjack maybe.
  
  Not an expert on this, but if Orban is really stubborn about it - and flaunts EU rules generally - couldn't the suspension clause be used on Hungary? If I'm understanding it right, once voting rights are suspended, they'd no longer have a say in objecting to Canada's accession during the duration of the suspension.
  https://eur-lex.europa.eu/EN/legal-content/glossary/suspension-clause-article-7-of-the-treaty-on-european-union.html
  
  I mean, we're already talking about a NATO 2.0, aren't we?
  Of course, that's their decision to ultimately make.
  
  With blackjack and hookers
- Can the EU expel member states?
  
  My understanding is no - but a long term suspension might be better anyways, since the effect seems to be that the member state is still forced to comply with EU rules without getting any of the benefits like voting.
  That being said, I wonder if they could suspend Hungary, then have the rest vote and approve an amendment to allow expulsion - which would pass unamiously since Hungary can't vote against it as it's suspended, and then they expel Hungary under the new amendment...?

I want all of the consumer protections EU citizens get like being able to side load apps on iPhones etc.
- Some privacy laws would be nice, eh?

At the very least, joining with their economic standards is a path we should move towards.

Absolutely. This would be such a boon to both Canada and the EU

Yeah let's do it

I don't think this is currently possible under the current treaties of the EU. At the very least, there is contention about whether it would be possible. It's also not really an overnight kind of situation. At the very least, closer ties with the EU are definitely good for the country.

Why the EU? Let's get back to our real roots and join the African Union.
- Cuter girls and better food! I'm in!

Joining the EU would be a massive undertaking that would have pretty big ramifications for our economy. I imagine a lot of companies would flee to the US to avoid all the rules that come with the EU, and that would decimate our economy sadly.
While I think it would be good in the long term, we'll have to see what happens with the Orange Fuckhead. If the US descends into a full fascist dictatorship (which let's be honest, it's well on its way) then it would be prudent to start the process. If Orange Fuckhead or his cronies don't get a third term, maybe our relationship can be healed with the US and we can return to normalcy. Hard to say.
- And a lot of companies will actually form and move to Canada to get in on better trade aggreements, more stable rules and regulations, and smart labour practices allowing them to have an access to a great labour pool.
  This exchange will undoubtedly benefit common folks, and by extent, the economy. I suspect this benefit will be bigger than a loss of some tax dodging labour laws escaping corpos.
- I don't think its worth trying to repair the US relationship until they demonstrate the ability to go through at least a few sane presidents. Even if they manage to rid themselves of Trump and seem to be returning to sanity, they will probably just elect another lunatic again.
- Why would we want to return to a normal where one guy can wreck our economy. Not to mention, the US will never be the same again. Why the fuck would we want to lash ourselves to an empire that is dying in real time?
  
  You misinterpreted. I don't think we should leash ourselves and be dependent on the US. But we should aim to trade and be friendly with our land bordering countries as that benefits both countries. Obviously we shouldn't be friendly with them if their values don't align with us.
  We also need to look inwards and root out the fascists that live among us. There are many traitors. At least 10% of the population are traitors and are sympathetic to the terrorist united states.