I want to be so many things and I am nothing instead

...and at the same time, do nothing.

I am occasionally overcome by a sense of grief due to the fact that I will only ever experience my own life.
- Fuck you man! I didn’t know but now it bothers me
  
  Eh, this is something you can probably change. In the last few years I've done a lot of processing work and am trying to make more intentional choices for myself rather than living the way other people want me to. Now when I meet new people it reminds me that I actually quite like my life and wouldn't want to trade it for theirs.
  
  Haha sorry! You know what helps a bit? Art. Books, poetry, painting.. they can get you real glimpses of the world through someone else's eyes.
- Personally, I like the griefy feeling. Hard to explain, but it makes me feel closer to others.

Personally, I've struggled with my identity because I didn't know if medicated me or unmedicated me was the real me. I wasn't certain for a long time of medicated me was essentially stealing the real me's body. I went on meds in my early teens so unmedicated me experienced very little life.
Eventually, I just decided I like medicated me more and that unmedicated me would genuinely struggle to enjoy all that life has to offer. I'm still uncertain if medicated me and unmedicated me are different people but that being an open question no longer bothers me.
Yea... I was a philosophy minor in uni - how'd ya guess.
- I like different mes on different days. Work days I prefer medicated. Weekend days where I have a lot of activities I want to do, I prefer medicated. Any non-work day where my plans are "be in the woods", "start drinking at noon", or "ride the motorcycle for hours" demand an unmedicated me for maximum chaos (or absolutely nothing....I never know until it happens).
  I wasn't on medication until I was a whole ass adult. Even then I was on and off it for a while. When the shortage was at its worst the stress of finding or not knowing if I was getting medication was worse than being unmedicated so I was off it for a while then.
  I like both medicated me and chaos agent me. They're both cool guys for different reasons.
  
  This is really interesting… do you mind explaining what the transition to a medicated you as an adult was like? Was it a process or was it night and day? Did you really “feel” differently or did you just screw up less?
- I personally just don't see how having an identity, a "me", matters at all. As such, why would I worry about being this or that "me".
- Un-medicated me has had the spotlight from middle school through the present day, I think he's had enough. Ive been varying degrees of burnt out since i was like, 15.
- Had a similar situation. I've had chronic nightmares since childhood. I noticed I acted differently in my nightmares. Much more pragmatic and merciless. Makes sense since I was fighting demons.
  Unfortunately. I got stuck in my fight/flight response due to chronic stress. Resulting in "dream me" becomming "awake me."
  I lost my ability to experience love, empathy and could no longer process positive emotions/feedback. I had destructive thoughts that extended well beyond healthy. I wanted to do stuff that I didn't want to, morally speaking.
  I wasn't a different me. I was myself as much as any other day. It was a part of me that became more pronounced. The worst part.

I think my frustration is rooted in the fact that I don't get to have enough time or money to try anything to the extent to figure out wtf it is I want to try. Its the ultimate killer to realize I'll never have enough money set aside to ever even try some of the major things I've actually been interested in. My job is in IT and I do have a passion for it, but god damn would I love to own either a game shop or simple store. Something that puts me with the people of my neighborhood, gives me face time, and allows me to build a business with providing them with either a necessity or a hobby they're excited to get started into.
- I would also love that
  But I would get bored in 6 months, as I do with every "passion"

I'm quite sure this is a dilemma lots of people know. Doesn't have anything to do with ADHD or gender or else. Just plain humankind: What IS the meaning of life. (Well ok, this one got answered, kind of: 42)