Go Local

Getting real "That happened" vibes here.
- i live in homeless land and im pretty sure this didn't happen but it's nice to give $15
- Who cares? Just enjoy things for what they are. Believing this isn't tantamount to saying the sun revolves around the earth and we dunno if it is fake or not.
  Just be, my guy. It doesn't add anything to the conversation, it doesn't build on anything, it just tears down and is deconstructive over a funny post for no reason whatsoever. It's just you personally rolling up, pointing and going "FAKE." You appear to be new here so lemme just say to leave this type of toxic and unhelpful garbage on reddit.
  
  I feel like things being real or true matters. Maybe that's just me.
  You talk to people about your astrology sign without really believing in that shit too?

In today's episode of things that never happened...

Austin, TX used to be such a good town.
RIP.
- We couldn't keep it weird.... I think the true beginning of the downfall was when Leslie Cochran left us. And Joe "I am so fucking straight guys" Rogan moved in
  
  mega-fucking-sigh
  I mean, I peg it more to Greg Abbott becoming governor than anything. Perry was power mad freak, but he was comparatively chill on the culture wars. Abbott's made it his life's goal to Austin into a Whites Only Country Club.
  
  Not very familiar with Austin, why is it important that Joe Rogan is fucking straight guys and telling everyone about it?
  
  I think it was people trying to make the weird trendy.

Plot twist, the homeless man broke into everyones car because they didnt pay the insurance.
- Is there anything more American than a protection racket?
- He's gotta make a living somehow...
  
  Those drugs aren't going to pay for themselves!
- So he works like regular American health insurance.
- Don't pay the insurance fee, bad things are going to happen.
  Also Miss Kenzie, my fee went up.
- That was pretty much how parking worked in a lot of places in my hometown. There was someone collecting the "parking fee" and it was wise to pay it. Nothing official, basically a protection racket.
- That's called being business savvy /s

You are living in sad, sad county 😐
- But the surrounding counties are pretty good.

This occasionally ends up on my dash and I love it every time. The mental image/clip it provides is hysterical.

Postcards from The Orphan Crushing Machine.

(Pretending this is real) Is this even a good deal? $15 each time. Maybe 1% chance for a break in. You end up paying on average $1500 to stop a break in.
- I did this same thing when I was in Austin. When the cost of a decent drink at the bar you're going to is the same price, it's not too much to pay for carsitying services. But tbh I paid him half out of charity and half because I can't be sure he would slash my tires for NOT giving him the money. He knows where my car is and knows I'm going to be away for a while. Better safe than sorry.
- Depending on the cost of parking, it might still be a winner. Every time I park near where someone homeless is posted up I offer them whatever coins I have on me to give me a shout or a call if they see a parking warden before I come back. Cheaper than parking, and it helps local people instead of fucking Wilson's.
- Presumably it's more of an excuse to give the dude $15 than a real expectation of service.
  
  Its amazing that people don't understand that its supposed to be all about the homeless man and zero percent about the car. The fact that she got coincidental services out of her charity is the funny part.
- Simple! Just keep $2,000 cash in your glove compartment at all times. You've now saved $500, congratulations!
- Seems like a good deal

These people's stories are always so fake.
- The watching the car protection racket is a very common thing in many countries in the world my friend. Just because it's ridiculous doesn't mean it's not true.
  
  Nah, it's the way it's delivered, not the content.
  It's got the same structure and style as those ones where some person is proud of their 10 month year old for looking at the TV and saying, "Go Trump!"
  A fragment of truth, with 99% of "I wish it went like this" spun in. The sardine becomes a tuna.
  Unless it's true that someone will wash your car and go up against car thieves for $15 and say something like that. I guess it's technically not...impossible. "Thank ya Miss Kenzie. Have a good day Miss Kenzie. God bless Miss Kenzie."
  
  It resonates precisely because it sounds so believable.
  Incidentally, for all the "homeless people are shaking me down!" hate, what the story doesn't have is the army of drunk frat bros or rival football hooligans who do all the damage.
- That homeless man turns out was Elon Musk. He was inspired by what happened to steal even more.
  
  that homeless man was productive. couldn't be musk
- Tell me you haven't been to Austin
- Maybe but also I bike around a lot, offer to buy people things if I'm going past a cafe or grocery store and not in a rush, and have asked the person to watch my bike while I'm in there. I've left all kinds of stuff I wouldn't normally on and in the bike and they've always watched over it even in sketchy areas or with stuff worth more than the coffee I'm about to grab them. So I'd file this one under "possible even if improbable, and could be exaggerated"
  
  Asking strangers has proven a winning strategy, based on some research.
  Strangers protect strangers’ stuff on the beach (experiment)
- r/nothingeverhappens

You got a very good deal on a security guard. Well-done, you.
I've also seen free-agent contractors filling queues for movie tickets and TV show taping tickets - when that was a thing - and negotiating their price per hour.

The hero we never knew we needed

incredible tits
- this is not the place or time for that.
  
  Idk, I think it's always the time and place for incredible tits.
  That said, I'm not that into grainy, pixelated tits, so I'd prefer to talk about the message instead. Good on her for positively interacting w/ a local homeless guy, most people ignore them. If they're going to get out of their slump, they need some positive human interaction.
  
  Well, her tits are not that incredible but nevertheless he is entitled to his opinion.
  
  sucking on breasts
- Among all the serious comments this was gold